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Dawnofman

Dear H

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Dawnofman

Dear H,

I sit here amongst my many racing thoughts and emotions and just wanted to take the time to thank you. I knew over the years something was just not right, yet I went along being the good wife. I am an old school catholic girl where vows were to be until death do us part. The only thing I forgot along the way is that we are not legally married and we did not exchange any of those vows. For many years I was your biggest supporter. I helped you with new and failed businesses. I supported you in your choice to go back to school. I supported you in your ill health. I asked for very little in return.

Today is a new day. I can't say it's liberating at this point as I still have to see you. I have to still put up with the little bashes which you take the liberty to spew at any given moment. Just this morning I had a different tone as you went off to school and you twisted that. In my moment of doubts, you reinforce my need to be free of your rant.

Why do I have to thank you? For making ME realize that I am now number one and I need to start taking care of myself and my children. If I choose to stay, I feel that I am going to be the abuser as I want so much to hurt you in the same fashion you have hurt me.

Do you think there is any reason I'm on the treadmill daily and working out? So I can get stronger to kick you if needed. I hope it won't come to that, however I will no longer be afraid to stand up to you and stand up for what I believe in.

I also want to make one thing perfectly clear. You have mentioned this statement for the last month and I never quite understood as you wouldn't define. "So you think you're something". No H, I do not think I'm something...I AM SOMEONE. Someone who deserves to be happy. Someone who can freely speak and get a decent sane response. I AM SOMEONE.

And H, I cannot wait until the day I am free from you.

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Curly

Yes Dawn you are someone. You always have been. Glad you are now recognising this fact. H never will, not because it isn't obvious but rather because he can only see the world through a distorted lens.

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Refuge1

Dawn, I love this! I can relate. I'm at that point too, feeling much better about myself and great hope for the future, but still preparing to make the move! Thanks for sharing. This is so hopeful! Refuge1

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big girl

Good Luck Dawn. :cheeky-smiley-005:

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chinacat

Is that Rocky music I hear???? Free yourself, free your kids (as much as the courts will allow) let them see that moms not going to take it any more! That will make them more secure and happy too! :nature-smiley-008:

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Dawnofman

Thanks everyone, and today in 45 minutes I am going to my first counceling appointment with one who specializes in abuse. I'm excited, however I really hope he knows his stuff. I went to a councelor through my D oc before xmas and not once did she mention anything about abuse. I'm going to let it ALL out! Pass the tissue!

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Curly

Thanks everyone, and today in 45 minutes I am going to my first counceling appointment with one who specializes in abuse.

That is a great positive step to take for yourself. Please remember though that you are employing this counsellor to help you. If he is not working out for you for any reason it makes sense to dump him and seek another. It is important to have someone who matches you, someone you feel comfortable with who also has a solid understanding of the issues you are dealing with. Sadly too many counsellors have little or no understanding of the dynamics or issues associated with abuse in a relationship. Some of the misinformed believe and claim to be informed. I hope you have found a good one.

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seeker

Yay Dawn.

Yes, you are someone. You are someone who makes decisions, you are someone that matters, you are someone important, you are someone with choices, you are someone that is REAL.

Try thinking the words that come out of his mouth are really about himself. I started trying this and it sheds a different light on the matter. Many a time their words are about themselves or directed at themselves.

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Wynterlee

I hope that your strength grew even as you typed out this letter, and that it continues to grow, allowing you to find your freedom.

Hugs,

Wynter

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Hollycat

Thank you Dawnofman! Even though this post is a couple years old, it rings true and describes exactly where I'm at. Except for the treadmill part. I need to get going on that one :blush:. My weapon of choice: Classical Stretch and Joyce Vedral.

You rock!

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