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free2bme

Where I'm at today

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free2bme

I want to tell you something that happened as a realization, yesterday. Realize that I had this quiet, yet strong confidence, for the most part, all the way through everything that happened over the past few years. It was hell and I won't deny that, but I have been at peace with myself through it all, for the most part, because I knew I was right. All I needed was myself. That is a miracle in itself. That's why I'm telling you this story now.

My life has been over-loaded for the past 3 years, with the death of my father and my sister and her abusive relationship of 30 years, my rescuing her twice, so far, even though we live thousands of miles away from each other, and my own health issues, which has been no minor thing. I've brought my sister to my home twice now, in an effort to leave the narcissistic, abusive in every way - 'man' (I use that term loosely) and had to be there for her while she had PTSD events and went through withdrawal from her addiction to her abuser. (Stockholm Syndrome) This last time that she was with me, it was for 9 months and took every last bit of energy I had. She has left again. It's been about 4 months since she left. Now I am dealing with the loss of my sister and the realization that she may never recover from her addiction to this horrible man. Believe me, I do not exaggerate.

Through out all of this, I've had to deal with my family backlash towards me (cousins, aunts, uncles, snd a few individuals on this forum, etc...) because they didn't see what I saw and experienced with her and her husband. I also had to deal with my husband not trusting me to handle the situation well, because of my past ways of dealing with stress. I've suffered from extreme anxiety and panic in the past, but am no longer a sufferer like I used to be. He was naturally worried about me, but made it difficult for me to help my sister, sometimes. I also had to deal with my mother who lives with us, and her denial. She was in a 50 year abusive marriage to my father, who I loved very much, but it is what it is. It's been a horrible time of my life, to say the least, because I truly felt alone and hated sometimes, for my strong conviction of wanting to help my sister.

I made it though. It's not over yet and I will never give up on her. She is a constant worry to me, but I am happy and at peace. It's not selfish to be happy when someone you love is miserable. I used to believe this. No more. I still care just as much as I have ever cared. I've just learned to care about myself too.

I also want to tell you how I was validated yesterday. I didn't need it but it is still nice. My cousin who hated me and was very angry at me for speaking the truth about my sisters husband and who took my sister in her home, when she left my home, called me yesterday. She is very upset and apologized to me over and over again. She told me I was 100% right in everything I did to protect my sister. We had a blowout via text, a year ago, where she cursed me up one side and down the other with the worst language I have ever seen. So this apology is huge. I don't like being right. I wish none of it was true. But it felt good for someone in my family to tell me she was sorry. She then proceeded to ask me for advice on how to deal with my sister because she doesn't know how to help her anymore. I gave her advice and hopefully something good will come out of it. After talking with her, I went to tell my husband about the conversation and I was emotional. (it's ok to be emotional)lol But..... he took my face in his hands and told me I am incredible. I'm not looking for praise or glory, believe me. I asked him why he would say that. He said because you stood strong for your convictions through everyone not having your back, even my own sister and never wavered. I have to say that felt soooo good. I hadn't thought of it that way. I was simply trying to help my sister. I did though. I stood strong and never wavered. I did it. Me. I will continue to do it my way too. I believe in myself like I've never done before. It's a great feeling.

I also want to say that I've been enlightened to see how some people can be so blind. Some are so quick to judge another, only based on their own personal experiences, believing that their perception of another's experience is accurate. It's really quite sad how some love to judge others. The expression, 'walk a mile in my shoes' has never been more appropriate. No one has walked in my shoes. Therefore no one truly knows. I understand why some were so quick to judge because of how much of our lives have been put out there for all to read about. I don't hate anyone for that. I truly believe that some love to judge people though. I personally am not one to judge anyone, even if I think I know the whole story. I could never know the whole story of someone else's life experience. I would not presume to do so. My goal on this forum is to encourage and comfort and sympathize, not judge. I appreciate getting the same in return. Many of you have been there for me and I truly appreciate it. I also appreciate you having been there for my sister, of course. That really should go without saying. She is my heart. I was in a very vulnerable position a while back, and a few of you really jumped on my vulnerability. It's ok though. I am glad to know who I am dealing with.

So that's where I am today. Thank you for reading and to those that are my true friends (you know who you are) I really love you. :)

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Rocket

(((((((Linny))))))) I am so glad that you got that validation from your cousin and your husband. You sound so peaceful and strong and that's wonderful. :nature-smiley-008:

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free2bme

Ty Rocket. You are a true blue friend. How have you been. Sorry, I am quite a bit out of touch.

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rainbow

Good to hear from you Linny! I'm glad that you are doing ok.

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free2bme

Ty Rainbow. :) I hope that you are doing well. I've been sick with the flu/cold these past 2 weeks and before that, well, you know... lol So i haven't been able to keep up with what is happening with everyone here. I miss you all though and think of you all often.

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free2bme

So here it is March of 2012, 7 months after my sister went back to her husband. It's been a rough time for all of us. I'm so worried about her, yet I have had to keep my emotions in check and not get involved too much. I'm trying to help my sister in ways that does not support poor choices. It's so hard not to help more. My husband tells me that my choice not to help, is actually still helping. It's true. But I only want to see her happy for once in her life. We haven't cut her off. We just limit what we do. But how do you just stand back and watch everything fall apart in someone's life, that you love? How does one watch while someone disappears completely? I have no choice. That's where I am today. No choice...

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free2bme

Yay! I actually feel my job may be done. (a job that never should have been mine but my sis and I knew no other way) I hear strength I've never heard in her voice today. I no longer feel I have to fix things. Now I can learn how to just 'be' with my sister.

Where I'm at today... March 20, 2012 :D

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moongoddess

Yay! I actually feel my job may be done. (a job that never should have been mine but my sis and I knew no other way) I hear strength I've never heard in her voice today. I no longer feel I have to fix things. Now I can learn how to just 'be' with my sister.

Where I'm at today... March 20, 2012 :D

Yay! :wub:

*MG*

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Hope123

I like Reading these kinds of stories on here! :D

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