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While conducting some business at the Court House, I overheard a

lady, who had been arrested for assaulting a Mammogram Technician,

say, "Your Honor, I'm guilty but.....there were extenuating circumstances."

The female Judge said, sarcastically, "I'd certainly like to

hear those extenuating circumstances." I did too, so I listened as the

lady told her story."

"Your Honor, I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually

kept. I was met by this perky little clipboard carrier smiling from

ear to ear and she tilted her head to one side and crooned, "Hi! I'm

Belinda! All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip

to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?"

I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science."

Belinda then skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to

the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean

in a tad so we can get everything?" Fine, I answered.

I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the

remaining circulation in my legs and neck to finish me off? My body

was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged

between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when I heard and felt

a zap!

Complete darkness, the power was off!

Belinda said, "Uh-oh, maintenance is working, bet they hit a

snag." Then she headed for the door.

"Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?" I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's

wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right


Before I could shout NOOOO! She disappeared. And that's exactly

how Bubba and Earl, "maintenance men Extraordinaire" found

me...half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the

other part smashed between glass!

After exchanging a polite Hi, how's it going type greeting,

Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the

power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much

calmness as possible, "Uh, yes, I did but thanks anyway."

"OK, you take care now" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as

though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin.

Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am sooo

sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And

silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between

the clamps...."

The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said "Case Dismissed!

A Day Without A Smile Is A Waste

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