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SleepingLightly

Long Distance Relationships

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SleepingLightly

Well, are long distance relationships worth it? Do these actually function? I mean, how do the nuts and bolts actually work?

In short, I have known this woman via the internet and shared real life friends for more than two years. We occasionally e-mail back and forth but nothing serious, usually about work or philosophical discussions. There is just something mysterious (in a good way) about her & if we lived within close proximity, I can guarantee the topic of a shared relationship would have been discussed by now.

However, we live about 500 miles apart. It wouldn't be beyond the realm of possibility for me to ride up there for a weekend. Honestly she gave me a tacit, "If you are in the area, give me a call."

However, if I did, the inclination would be to keep it platonic because of the distance.

Thoughts?

Thanks all

-SL

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percolate

What do you want? Is she worth some weekend jaunts?

I know many couples who are forced into a long-distance relationship because of work situations. And one of my neighbors, even though he's a professor at the same university where I teach, he spends at least half the year in London related to his research. His wife has a practice in Atlanta that she can't leave 6 months of the year, so she visits him in London every couple of months and they talk on Skype regularly.

I'd be a bit wary of starting a relationship as a long distance one (but that's just me...I've known people who started out long distance and ended in a solid marriage). But having said that, there's a very real chance that in a couple of weeks, I'll be having a conversation with Music Man (the person I dated for about 9 months before moving to Atlanta) about whether or not we're going to try to develop a long distance relationship.

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Lorelei

In general, I'd say "no." A long distance relationship is a LOT of hard work, but it can work if the couple is committed, and if there is a shared goal (the reason for which they are separated) and if they are also committed to each other and the relationship.

Starting a relationship at long distance has all the cards stacked against it.

Starting a flirtation, a casual affair, an occasional weekend "thang," in those instances I'd say that distance can just be a bit of spice, or a welcome buffer to intimacy.

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SleepingLightly

What do you want? Is she worth some weekend jaunts?

...

But having said that, there's a very real chance that in a couple of weeks, I'll be having a conversation with Music Man (the person I dated for about 9 months before moving to Atlanta) about whether or not we're going to try to develop a long distance relationship.

OOOhhh! Good luck if that is what you want!

Is she worth it? As a friend and a nice weekend ride to boot? Absolutely. I am just not sure whether it should go further. Honestly, there have been other situations where I knew the logistics simply would not work and so said nothing.

Further, I get the feeling she has been hurt badly by something in her past. Not hurt like many here, but... something I can't put my finger on & she is reticent to discuss it. I don't push it.

It seems as if when the possibility of something concrete comes up, she needs to work. It isn't just me, it's with other people as well. Maybe she is good with working long hours, rather than face... something... As I wrote, it isn't all about me; it seems to be with everything. She prepares for a long ride or vacation and work interjects.

The whole thing is strangely intriguing and somewhat attractive... A mystery lady that rides.

Thanks for the feedback Percolate. It is very much appreciated.

-SL

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Stormy

Mmmm, my current relationship of nearly 9 years started as a long distance relationship/internet romance. BUT, we were both very interested and both wanted more. So it quickly progressed to 'in person' and then, someone moving (him, as he was a consultant with no children).Prior to him, I had a long distance,non-exclusive relationship for a short time (few months) with a long-haul trucker. It was perfect for me, at the time, as I wasn't ready for anything permanent or daily. I needed space, LOTS of space, and that sort of relationship filled a a certain need and also left me with plenty of time to explore and find myself.

To me, what you are describing is someone who has prioritized work ahead of most else, or possibly, as you say, uses it as a shield to keep something at bay. Either way, it doesn't exactly sound like there is much potential for a deep, intimate 'traditional' relationship. If you understand and recognize that though, there are possibilities for non-traditional style relationships, if that trips your trigger :)

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SleepingLightly

Thanks Stormy. Glad it worked out that well for you.

Maybe I should just lessen my geographical scope a bit. There is this one woman here that flirts back and forth with me, and I just discovered my downstairs neighbor is single and a nice woman.

Non-traditional relationships? ;) At this point, I am uncertain what a traditional one is, let alone a non-traditional one. :)

Time to adjust the radar a bit.

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Lily Bright

Oh, HONEY... if you're just looking to FLIRT...

*nudge, nudge, wink, wink* ;):lol:

Seriously, though... she has walls in place, from what you describe. Not sure I'd want to work on scaling techniques, yanno?

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moongoddess

Oh, HONEY... if you're just looking to FLIRT...

*nudge, nudge, wink, wink* ;):lol:

Seriously, though... she has walls in place, from what you describe. Not sure I'd want to work on scaling techniques, yanno?

(((((((((((((((((((((SL))))))))))))))))))

As dear LILY has pointed out she has WALLS.....

I know that every time I met a man with WALLS, (emotionally unavailable?) I got involved with them, and IT never turned out WELL....yanno?

(the desire to FIX....yikes)

Take care of your heart sweet man.....and be mindful of your motives...(I know I took a LONG time to learn this one!)

*HUGS*

MG :nature-smiley-008:

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Lily Bright

Dear SL:

Just happened back across this thread.

It seems to my perspective of six months later that the mystery lady "tore down that wall", to quote a famous line.

I'm glad you "went for it", love. You deserve every bit of happiness you can possibly wring from this life, and from what I can see, she's as crazy about you as you are about her.

Gives me hope...

Well done, Brother Dear... well done.

:wub:

Lily

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