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Quaddie

Chapter 9

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Quaddie

I'm probably going to jump around with the chapters. Sometimes feel like posting about it when I am not able to, but then when I get a chance, I forget. :-\

So for me, some Chapter 9 notes.

One of the Remedies at the end of the chapter discusses assertiveness, and includes this list of rights:

I have the right to be treated with respect by others.

I have the right to express my feelings (including anger) and opinions.

I have the right to say no without feeling guilty.

I have the right to ask for what I want.

I have the right to make my own mistakes.

I have the right to pursue happiness.

I bolded the ones I especially need to keep in mind.

I should do some exercise every day like typing them up 10 times, or something.

Seriously, I read things and I'm all gung-ho and it all "clicks" and then I just...forget what I've learned.

:-(

Here's more (backtracking in the chapter)...

...we need to learn that silence doesn't really protect us and that there is a price to pay for remaining silent.

<snip>

Women who experienced abuse in their childhood homes (either directly or vicariously-by witnessing their mother or another child being abused) are far more likely to have difficulty standing up for themselves than are women who did not experience abuse.

<snip>

Survivors of childhood abuse consistently report an overwhelming sense of helplessness...they learn to adopt a position of complete surrender that they often carry into their adult lives and relationships.

<snip>

When abused children note signs of danger, they attempt to protect themselves by either avoiding or placating the abuser. Some become quiet and immobile. The result is a peculiar, seething state of "frozen watchfulness" noted in abused children.

<snip>

Children who grow up constantly afraid become immobilized by their fear. Their fear becomes so all-encompassing that it often crowds out other reactions, such as anger, that would be natural under the circumstances.

<snip>

...the main purpose of your standing up for yourself and confronting inappropriate behavior is not to change the other person. The purpose is for you to stand up so that you will begin to feel better about yourself.... Standing up is for you.

<snip>

Nice Girls...need to be willing to say what they want and need, even when it inconveniences someone else.

(my bolds)

There's a lot more, of course, but those were points that resonated extremely strongly for me. And those who remember alllllll my posts about feeling frozen and immobile and unable to just SAY something, probably understand...

So I need to repeatedly repeat this info for myself, repetitiously.

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fatkat

I understand, Quad. As another frozen one.

Hm, makes me think about those fairy tales about frozen heroines - Snow White in her glass coffin, Sleeping Beauty in her hundred years sleep. Not sure how it connects, but it does to me.

Maybe someone else has some ideas.

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