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This me i guess

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Hi everyone.

Well i'm Evan and i've suffered from depression for the bulk of my 40 years off and on. I think what brought it on initially was having a severe illness at 11 years of age, which manifested itself into chronic fatigue syndrome and later on restless leg syndrome. I hit the pot pretty hard for 15 years which screwed me up even more, but i've been off that for 3 years now, though it's tempting to go back.

My short term memory is screwed and i usually don't really know who i am.

This has messed my relationship with my fiancee up because i hate who i am. I've tried lots of jobs over the years but my CFS usually stops that from lasting, plus i was extorted late last year and i kept quiet because i thought i brought it on myself, though the police assure me i didn't, and this too has screwed my relationship up.

I am lucky in that i have a very supportive family and a great cat, but the minute by minute living in my head is killing me and i'm finding it harder and harder to find reasons to keep trying and not just give up, and i can't just give up because of money and my cat.

I don't know if this has made much sense and it's just the tip of the iceberg, but i'm still looking for help.

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