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NoDaybut2day

Red flags

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NoDaybut2day
If he has few or no friends or interests other than you or your activities

If his employment history is unstable

If he has multiple children with multiple women

If he complains about paying child support for any of his children

If he spends his money on clothes, cars, or other 'stuff' but never is able to pick up the tab when you go out or can't pay his rent or mortgage.

If he's living with his parents, grandparents, ex-wife, or other family members and these people are perfectly HEALTHY

If he takes pride in being able to "put people in their place"

If he tells you, "I'm a wild and crazy guy", "I'm a bad boy", "People don't understand me like YOU do",

If everytime something negative happens in his life, it's always someone else's fault.

If he constantly interrupts you when you speak or rolls his eyes at you

If he can't be bothered to buy you (or make if money is tight) a suitible gift for your birthday, Christmas, anniversary or other occasion that celebrates you.

If he uses guilt to control anything you do or how you behave

If he becomes overly angry, defensive, silent, or pulls a disappearing act when he's upset or disappointed with you

Um, do you know my ex-husband? This is him to a tee.

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sphinx

(((Nodaybut2day)))

Well, if he did all that, did he also tell you:

that he feels you don't pay enough attention to him - even if you've spent the last 5 out of 7 evenings following him around or you're together 24/7?

that you ALWAYS disregard his feelings, even though your back is permanently bent backwards from trying to make him happy?

that the reason he calls (texts, e-mails) you 8 to 10 times a day (or hour) is because he worries about you and misses you SO much?

that when you have to occassionally work late or go out with your friends once a month that it hurts his feelings and he feels disrespected?

that your close friends and family members don't love you as much as he does and that they don't have your best interests at heart?

that you would be perfect if only you would change______ about yourself?

that you shouldn't - or have NO RIGHT- to feel that you feel about something that makes you hurt or sad or happy or angry?

that your political, religious, or other beliefs are "wrong' or stupid?

Did it bother him if:

you began a sentence with - "I think", "I feel", or "I want"?

it took an extra 15 to 20 minutes for you to get from work to home because you had to stop for gas or a loaf of bread?

you wore pretty clothes, make-up, did your hair, etc when he wasn't with you?

if you didn't wear sexy clothes when he WAS with you?

you wore pajamas or other clothes to bed.

if you skipped having sex for an evening when you were ill or tired?

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NoDaybut2day

Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes and YES!

There's more, much more, but it was all "in relationship" stuff...I was trying to peg down those red flags that showed up "pre relationship" so I could avoid the "in relationship" abuse.

I guess I should have turned the other way and RAN when in the beginning of our relationship, I protested having sex one night, and he lightly tapped me on the cheek to make me be quiet. Duh.

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bix

I made up this little rhyme: (I will instill it in my daughter when she's older!)

When they're drunk or in a car,

That is who theyreally are.

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Joyful
Addicted to something

– If you meet someone and they are addicted to something and not aware of it and doing something about it, this will impact on your life greatly if you continue on.

Be careful on this one because even if they say the are no longer addicted to something, they may not have really dealt with it. Watch carefully to see if they're hiding anything in regard to their "former" addiction.

If they say things like "everyone in the world is stupid but me and you. you because you're smart enough to be with me." Yes, my first H repeatedly said this throughout our marriage. When I divorced him he said to me "I used to think you were smart but now I realize you're stupid just like everyone else."

If they constantly have to prove to you how great they are. "See, I'm not so bad because I did ___."

If they're really needy, constantly trying to validate themselves.

If they try to impose their dreams on you.

I think the biggest one is if they make you feel uneasy or like you've done something wrong. Often it's very subtle because they're on their best behavior trying to reel you in. Road rage was brought up several times but both my first H and my current H hid their road rage very well when I was in the car with them. If I'd paid attention though, I would have noticed that their driving made me uncomfortable because they were both aggressive drivers and when I said something I could tell they were irritated although early on they made no effort to correct me and complied with my wishes. That is until they had me hooked...then I couldn't say boo to them without them flipping out. It was the aggressive driving and concealed irritation that should have been my clue.

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seeker
I made up this little rhyme: (I will instill it in my daughter when she's older!)

When they're drunk or in a car,

That is who theyreally are.

LOVE IT!

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Zeemeeuw
If they say things like "everyone in the world is stupid but me and you. you because you're smart enough to be with me." Yes, my first H repeatedly said this throughout our marriage. When I divorced him he said to me "I used to think you were smart but now I realize you're stupid just like everyone else."

This is a biggie. If he says you are "different from all the rest" while you're dating, don't feel flattered. He'll think you are "just like all the rest" later on, guaranteed.

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