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mylife

My Journal - I threw it away

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mylife

I was spring cleaning my bedroom the other day and I came across all my paperwork and journaling from my 4 year long divorce. The journal contained all the horrible, rotten things he did to me and our children. I tried to read a little bit of it but it was still pretty hard to see in print. There were also the stupid things - like the time he paid me with a money order and on it he put some strange fake address. It was just bizarre how his mind worked/works. I considered keeping it for the girls later on to read...but then again... they need to form the own opinions about their father. I don't need to poison their minds with the past. I'm confident he hasn't changed one little bit over the past 4 1/2 years and he'll continue to do inconsiderate, horrible and strange things that I won't even have to bring up the past. I thought about keeping it for me. To remind myself, even on the worst low down days alone, they are so much better than being with him.

No. I don't need it. I think I want my memories to fade. I want to move on and be a free woman. I don't want his abuse to define me anymore. I felt like the dumping of those thoughts and memories should have had a more memorable ending - a roaring fire to burn them, or a shredder to tear them apart - but it will have to be enough that they are gone.

I don't know why I'm telling you all this except it does feel good to tell you that I've taken another baby step towards being just mylife again...and not sad, divorced, bitter, or abused mylife. I am becoming a new me. :)

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Buzzkitty1

I know how you feel, Mylife. (((hugs))) I hope there was some catharsis in throwing it away. I kept my journal off all I went through on the computer, and I deleted the whole thing shortly after I got out. Onward and upward we go.

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Echo

Sounds good to me. I am also moving away from being that sad, abused, divorced Echo and letting go of the past. I hardly think on it anymore. It's time for now and the future for me. Congrats on letting go of another piece of the past...

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seeker
I don't know why I'm telling you all this except it does feel good to tell you that I've taken another baby step towards being just mylife again...and not sad, divorced, bitter, or abused mylife. I am becoming a new me. :)

Hugs mylife, its getting back to you isn't it..... I guess the reality is - it affected you and so it has changed you - so you aren't the old you - you are a new you.

so in finding yourself again and then moving forward. Becoming a new (but getting back to the old) you.

xxxxxxx lots of hugs!!!!!

I'm just making steps towards here myself - so I can say

yeeeee ha!!!

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Misari

i cried and cried when i read this and i dont know if i am crying that your are so brave or i am crying because i dont know if i am that brave or i am crying that i am happy for you, or crying because i am finding hope for me.

what is the worst? being alone? i think i would have to agree with you on that the very worst day alone is far far better than even the best days with him

:)

thank you for sharing that as i am packing and will surely run across those type of things, hopefully i can have the courage to not let this all define who i am, hopefully i am just starting to get to a place where i will finally be able to see me again

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