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      Our Place Has Moved   09/30/2018

      Our Place has moved to a new location:      http://ourplaceonline.freeforums.net/forum  You will need to reregister at the new site as we are unable to transfer any content from here to there.   You will no longer be able to post here after 4th October, but the forum will remain visible until the end of October. If you are having problems registering at the new site, please admin.our.place@gmail.com                                                                                             
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Our Place Administrators


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Our Place Administrators


Welcome to Our Place! The Our Place forums were created by the Administrators to provide a safe place to talk about the experience of being targeted for abuse, cruelty, meanness, bullying, control, and other harmful behaviors. Our Place seeks to provide comfort, support, validation, resources, and a listening ear for our members. These Rules support that mission by creating a structure for safe, respectful, constructive discussion of abuse-related topics. This is a private, volunteer-run site that is actively moderated by the Administrators. The Rules apply to all member communications in all areas of the site.


Membership is required to post on the Our Place forums. Membership is open to adults (age 18 and over) who have been targets of abuse. Women and men are both welcome here.

To register for membership, click on the “Register” link next to “Welcome Guest.” A valid e-mail address is required to register. Within 24-48 hours of your registration, a confirmation e-mail will be sent to the e-mail address you provide. Click on the link in the e-mail (or paste it in your browser) to activate your membership. Please disable your spam blocker for admin.our.place@gmail.com. The validation procedure is done manually by the Our Place Administrators. It may take a day or two depending on the volume of requests.

Once validated, go to MY CONTROLS (top right of page) to set your personal preferences.

The Our Place public forums are open for ANYONE to read, including search engines, stalkers, and predators of all kinds. Please review safety and privacy guidelines for posting in Part 6 below.

Log-in problems occasionally arise. Locked does not mean blocked! If your username or password does not work, send an e-mail to admin.our.place@gmail.com and ask for help with logging in.

By registering, you agree to abide by these rules at all times on this site. You agree to comply with any requests, instructions, and warnings issued to you by the Our Place Administrators regarding these rules. You agree that the decisions of the Our Place Administrators are final regarding the interpretation and enforcement of these rules.


Respectful communication is required at all times on this site, on all forums, and in private messages.

Respect is required for differences in values, beliefs, culture, ethnicity, religion, background, and sexual orientation.

Respect is required for others’ choices to be IN, OUT, or somewhere in-between, in their personal relationships.

Differences of opinion must be stated and aired respectfully at all times, in all forums, and in private messages.

“I” messages are encouraged. Posts that share specific personal experiences, perceptions, and reactions are encouraged. “You” messages are NOT encouraged. Theoretical, academic, abstract, and public-policy debates are NOT encouraged.

When a post triggers an intense emotional reaction, delaying a reply is strongly encouraged. Replies that are fired off in the heat of the moment have a much higher frequency of reports and consequences than replies that are posted after a cooling-off period.

Disengagement from pointless conflict is expected and required. Use the IGNORE feature to “invisible” the posts of members with conflicting views or personality traits. (My Controls > Menu > Options > Manage Ignored Users.) WALK AWAY from conflict by passing over inflammatory threads without opening them or looking at them. Use the BLOCK feature to refuse private messages from members with whom you have a personality conflict.

Personal disagreements that arise on a third party’s thread should be taken to private message so as not to hijack the original topic.

If your words have inadvertently hurt someone’s feelings, APOLOGIZE.

Due to the limitations of online communications, which lack facial expressions, voice inflections, and body language, please ask for clarification where necessary. Give others the benefit of the doubt before drawing a negative inference from a post.


No insults, namecalling, slandering, slurs, blaming, accusing, labeling, or personal attacks on members.

No flaming, baiting, taunting, fighting, passive-aggressive jabbing, or other inflammatory behaviors.

No advertising, spamming, product promotion, or commercial messages.

No soliciting of monetary donations, financial support, investments, or contributions to causes.

No profanity or obscenity. No links to pornography or sexually explicit material.

No sexually explicit discussions in the public forums. Respectful, non-explicit discussions about sexual abuse are permitted and encouraged in the appropriate public forums. Respectful discussions of sexually explicit topics are available in the protected sex forums.

Offensive content in members’ signatures, avatars, personal statements, etc. will be removed.

No religious proselytizing, preaching, intolerance, or judgmental comments about others’ beliefs, in any forum, including the religion and spirituality forums.

No posting of topics on gender, race, or politics in any forum. Religious topics are restricted to the appropriate religion forum.

No multiple identities.

No stalkers, trolls, or previously banned members. Violators’ ISPs (Internet service providers) and / or employers will be notified.

No impersonations of other members.

No troublemaking or pot-stirring.

No discussions about other sites’ forums or bulletin boards.

Comments that seem harsh, judgmental, derogatory, hostile, crazymaking, bullying, predatory, strange, circular, or “off” in an indefinable way, will be evaluated by the Our Place Administrators on a case-by-case basis, and the appropriate action taken.

Obsessive posting of topics / replies, or obsessive / repeated posting of articles, quotations, summaries, studies, links, and the like, will be curtailed, deleted, and / or moved, and the member warned.

Repeated posting from a viewpoint that is explicitly religious, political, ethnic, or controversial will be curtailed and / or deleted, and the member warned.

No incitations of violence or obsessive personal attacks directed at perpetrators of abuse.

Explicit attribution is required for materials quoted here from other sites or sources, including, at a minimum, the article title, the author’s name, a link, and distinctive “quote” formatting for directly quoted material. (Simple links may be inserted in posts without further attribution.)

Membership is NOT permitted for purposes of data collection, academic research, scientific study, gathering material for a book, etc.

No public challenges to Our Place Administrators.


ROLE OF THE OUR PLACE ADMINISTRATORS. The Our Place Administrators actively moderate all forums to create a safe, clean, respectful community for our members. While the personal resolution of minor disputes is encouraged under the guidelines stated in Part 2, “Respectful Communication,” serious violations of the Our Place rules should be reported to Our Place Administrators right away.

HOW TO CONTACT THE OUR PLACE ADMINISTRATORS. At present it is not possible to send a private message to all Administrators. For general questions and concerns, send a private message to any active Administrator, or send an e-mail to admin.our.place@gmail.com.

HOW TO REPORT A POST. Click the “Report” button at the bottom left corner of an individual post. The report will be automatically forwarded to all of the Our Place Administrators.

HOW TO REPORT A PRIVATE MESSAGE. To report offensive content in a Private Message, forward the ENTIRE message to any individual Administrator. The Our Place Administrators do not read or monitor individual private messages. The message must be forwarded manually in order to be reported.

LOCKING, EDITING, AND DELETION OF TOPICS. The Our Place Administrators will actively enforce the forum rules by locking, editing, or deleting topics, or specific parts of topics, in their sole discretion, to uphold minimal standards of safety, courtesy, and respectful communication. To avoid confusion, the action taken will be noted on the topic by the Our Place Administrators wherever possible. The re-posting of locked, deleted, or edited material is prohibited. The continuation of closed disputes or controversies on spin-off threads is prohibited.

MOVING OF TOPICS. On occasion an Administrator will move a topic to a more appropriate or higher-volume forum. A notice will be posted in the topic’s original location, re-directing to the new location.

WARN PROCEDURE. In most cases, the Our Place Administrators will first send an informal warning via private message, or a post on a thread, that a member’s conduct has violated Our Place rules. Thereafter, official warnings will be issued for repeat offenses, with corresponding adjustments to the member’s Warn meter. (The Warn meter, ordinarily set at zero, is visible only to the Our Place Administrators and the individual member.)

BAN PROCEDURE. After 3 official warnings, the member will be banned, and their posting / membership privileges will be permanently suspended. Members may also be banned WITHOUT warnings for serious violations, compromises to safety, disruptions to board operations, and other serious infractions, in the discretion of the Our Place Administrators.

OTHER CONSEQUENCES. Lesser consequences may include temporary suspension, loss of private messaging, loss of protected forum access, and other consequences as determined by the Our Place Administrators.

DECISIONS BY CONSENSUS. Flagrantly offensive material will be removed immediately by any available Administrator. Otherwise, decisions are made by consensus, and are never taken lightly or hastily. Consequences are imposed only after extensive discussion by all available Our Place Administrators. Thousands of hours of time are collectively volunteered annually by the Administrators in striving for safety, fairness, impartiality, and decisions on the merits.

AUTHORITY TO DISCIPLINE AND REMOVE DISRUPTIVE MEMBERS. The Our Place Administrators reserve the right to ban any member whose negative contributions outweigh their positive ones, even if technically no “rules” are broken. This rule covers repeated disruptions, controversy magnets, behind-the-scenes drama, troublemaking, pot-stirring, upsets, numerous patterns of reports, and skating the edges of the rules. The rule also covers members who appear to need more help than we can provide; members whose abrasive directness may have a chilling effect on shy members / newcomers; and members whose beliefs or values are fundamentally contrary to the values of this site.

FINALITY OF DECISIONS. The decisions of the Our Place Administrators in enforcing the rules are final. Many decisions involve behind-the-scenes material from private messages, protected forums, and other member contacts, in addition to material posted in public forums. Thus, a decision that appears unfair on the surface, may actually be eminently fair or even overdue, in light of all the facts. Any brief, well-reasoned protest of a decision to ban a member will be considered, discussed, and taken seriously. Ultimately, the decision of the Our Place Administrators is still final.


OVERVIEW. The Our Place site contains protected forums for private discussion, including the women-only sex forum and the coed sex forum. Access to protected forums is available to established members who have been actively posting on the Our Place public forums for at least 30 days, with at least 30 substantive posts. Substantive posts are those that disclose something of the member’s personality, their situation, and why they are here. We need to get to know you! "Merry XMAS" "Happy Birthday" and "You go girl" types of posts are not included.

HOW TO REQUEST ACCESS. At the top of the Our Place main forum is a subforum titled “Request for Access.” Requests are made there.

PROTECTED FORUM CONTENT IS PRIVATE. What happens in those forums, stays in those forums! Public posting of ANY content from those forums will incur loss of access, warning, and/or banning, depending on the circumstances.

ACCESS IS IN THE DISCRETION OF THE OUR PLACE ADMINISTRATORS. The Our Place Administrators reserve the right to deny, suspend, or revoke the privilege of ANY member to access a protected forum, for any good reason, including not knowing you well enough even after 30-days-30-posts, or not being a good fit for that area right now, or posting inappropriate content in the protected forum, or excessive eagerness to join a private forum without participating in the public forums.


SELF-PROTECTION. Members are responsible for safeguarding their own privacy, identity, and personal information. Our Place is part of the Internet, and the Internet is not a safe place. Even here we are dealing, by and large, with strangers from many different walks of life. ANYONE can read the Our Place forums as a guest, from anywhere in the world. Let’s be safe out there!

ROLE OF THE OUR PLACE ADMINISTRATORS. Safety is a top priority of the Our Place Administrators. We will go to extraordinary lengths, quickly, to protect members’ privacy where possible. Neverthess, the Our Place Administrators cannot take ultimate responsibility for a member’s personal safety. We are unpaid volunteers who are peers with our members, not authorities or professionals. We will work very hard to keep you safe, but we can’t guarantee your safety.

IDENTIFYING INFORMATION. Disguise yourself in posting. Do not post your real name, e-mail, or other identifying information. Be cautious in posting biographical details about your location, your job, your family, or your interests.

SEARCH ENGINES. Search engines, spiders, and bots are daily visitors to the Our Place forums. Screen names often appear in search results. When drafting your posts, please consider how searchable your content might be to others.

INVISIBILITY. Upon log-in, there is an option to “Log In as Invisible.” This is a good choice if you suspect you may have stalkers, or if computer sharing is an issue.

KEEPING OTHERS SAFE. No posting of others’ real names, identifying data, or confidential information from protected forums. No addressing others by their real names unless they do so themselves in their posts.

PREDATORS. Be very, very wary of requests from other members for contact outside the Our Place forums (e-mail, phone, meetings, etc.) Get to know the person well on-forum, before going off-forum. Meet in a group if possible, in a public place, during the day. We have had many splendid in-person meetings! However, we have had predators here too. It is very important to go SLOWLY.

CONTACT ADMINISTRATORS RIGHT AWAY IF YOU ARE STALKED. The Our Place Administrators have procedures that may keep you safe if you are stalked or followed to the forums. We can change your username and take other measures that may provide some additional safety. Please (1) send a private message to any active Administrator or (2) e-mail admin.our.place@gmail.com.


The Our Place forums are collectively owned and managed by the Our Place Administrators. We are unpaid volunteers who create and manage the forums as a public service. Forum operations are funded by donations and by the Administrators personally.

Decisions are made by consensus. Each member of the Our Place Administrators is authorized by the others to use best judgment in moderating the site, and to speak for the Our Place Administrators as a group. The decisions of the Our Place Administrators are final.

This site may not be for everyone. There are many types of message boards available online, and others may be a better fit for what you are looking for.

For suggestions, complaints, or general comments about the Our Place forums, please contact admin.our.place@gmail.com.

Happy posting! We hope you enjoy Our Place!

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