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Teacup

Nearly divorced, he’s still abusive!

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Teacup

So after nearly two years separated I’m really close to the decree absolute, but it’s just a piece of paper isn’t it? After 32 years in this abusive marriage I hoped I’d feel safe and free, but I’m not. For a while I stopped hearing his voice in my head, stopped saying out loud ‘get out of my head’ but then 8 months ago he moved closer to where I live and it’s a nightmare. He still has a key to the property and come in when I’m not here, so I have no privacy, but he insists he has a right until the property is sold. A couple of weeks ago he came to pick up some belongings with a friend to help carry stuff, he was polite, kind and friendly even calling me love! Of course I should have known it wasn’t for real, I should have known it was all for show because someone else was here, I feel stupid for thinking it must be me, I’m the one who caused his abuse for not listening to him, for speaking when I shouldn’t, I made him not speak to me for days because I always say something stupid. Anyway, last week he messaged to say he had to come round again to pick more stuff up, I said I had to go out, he asked what time I’d be back, but he wanted to be earlier so I changed my plans to be here, he arrived two and a half hours late, so I said I thought you’d be here earlier, he yelled ‘you’re not the only one with things to do’ then I said you should have messaged me to say you’ll be late, well he arranged the time! But then he lost his temper , throwing stuff, swearing and all the usual stuff they do. So should I have said nothing, or said it in a different way? 

Sorry for the long post, I just don’t feel I’ve made any steps forward, back to fear, tears and trying not to behave in a way to upset him I guess, thanks for reading.

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Bennu

Can you change the locks? You can do it yourself. It's not that hard. There are instructions on the packages that are fairly easy to follow. I did it. You can watch a you tube video to give you courage.

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percolate

Get the locks changed.  Just because the property isn't sold, doesn't give him the right to enter your house.

There is nothing you can say or do to appease him. He's using his stuff as a reason to interact with you. If he doesn't show up on time to pick up his stuff set it outside so that he doesn't have to enter your house. Better still, if he still has stuff there, notify him in writing of a date to get it moved out and that if he doesn't move out his stuff by the deadline, you'll put it in storage for a month.  And when the month ends it's his choice to either pay for the storage or have his stuff sold.  

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