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Fluffyflea

Why do we have pangs of missing them.....

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Fluffyflea

Hi All,

Its been over a year and a half, I got treated like crap.

How come I can still have feelings of missing him?

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Quaddie

Trauma bonding. Conditioning. Missing the "dream" of what it was supposed to be. The "good parts" that are difficult to reconcile as not having necessarily been truly real. Missing what's known and comfortable from being accustomed to it.

 

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Vanilli

Because you're human, you care, we always miss people who meant something to us who we were close to. It doesn't reflect badly on you. You'll heal and move on in time :), just give yourself time. 

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Bennu

There is something comfortable about familiarity. 

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Fluffyflea

I had this weird feeling last night that he took something away from me. It was weird.

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Quaddie

He did take something away from you.  Things inside you. Parts of your self, your being. Have you identified them?

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Vanilli

Agreed, but you can get them back or rebuild around them. Broken pottery is sometimes repaired with silver or gold in Japan, with the understanding that in some way broken things can "be more beautiful" for having been broken, we just need to learn to repair our hearts and reclaim ourselves. 

 

Obviously, also things are more painful and difficult for having been broken too, and nothing can take away from that. But I think we can heal and learn to find ways to give back to ourselves some of the things they took away. For me, this is learning to renuture and take care of myself. It is also listening to myself and what I want in life and living my life accordingly. Now, I like to dance, I like to climb, I like having good girl friends and walking in nature. I never did what I wanted or needed before, I didn't know how. 

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Bennu
1 hour ago, Vanilli said:

Broken pottery is sometimes repaired with silver or gold in Japan, with the understanding that in some way broken things can "be more beautiful" for having been broken,

That's a nice thought. Our experiences can make us stronger and better too.

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Quaddie

What Vanilli said. That's why I like the book "Healing Your Emotional Self" so much. It speaks to learning to nurture the self in ways that the self may not have experienced before.

 

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