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      Our Place Has Moved   09/30/2018

      Our Place has moved to a new location:      http://ourplaceonline.freeforums.net/forum  You will need to reregister at the new site as we are unable to transfer any content from here to there.   You will no longer be able to post here after 4th October, but the forum will remain visible until the end of October. If you are having problems registering at the new site, please admin.our.place@gmail.com                                                                                             
Tazplu

Need help reminding me why to get out

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Vanilli

Great to hear Tazplu, hope you feel better soon. Thinking of you.

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percolate
On 7/25/2018 at 5:06 PM, Tazplu said:

 

i am out & safe but suffering from pinkeye at the moment, making me lift sensitive & making it hard to see.

 

I'm glad you're safe and hope that you are past the worse in terms of the pink eye. 

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Tazplu

Hello all,

I'm sorry I have been absent but have been trying to get settled. I wish I could say it's all great and it is great being out, but there are always new challenges. People that have been through this tell me it takes awhile before you start feeling like yourself and can enjoy life again. I seem to deal with my stressor of the week whether it's being so tight on funds with just my income and wanting to cry to worrying about my daughter and how she's holding up with all the change to dealing with my STBXH's insanity. I'm still not in communication with him, I'm not in a place where I can handle talking to him, mainly because it'll do no good and won't resolve anything. He had Emailed me a few times demanding that I call him. I finally sent his Emails to spam, it triggered me just seeing them. I am trying to build a life for myself and my daughter. So we are doing ok. I am told I'll feel better incrementally, like at 6 months out, a year out, 2 years, and that it gets better. I will never question leaving, I have not regretted that for one single second. But I do wish I could have done things differently, been able to prepare more, take more of our things. I hate second- guessing myself on timing of how and when I decided to do this. But when your child is suffering physical illness due tovsll tge stress and anxiety and is pleading with you to try to find a way to leave, you know it's way past time to leave. That gave me strength, I only wish I could have spared my children the years of torment their Father put us through and has been able to leave sooner.

I guess nothing truly worthwhile is easy and that included living free from abuse. Things keep popping into my head about how I could never do this before because STBXH would have grilled me about it, ranted and raved and complained & I don't havecti live with that any more.

I still have the divorce and legal stuff ahead of me, but I'm out and he has no power over me or my daughter and we will never go back. I had a scare yesterday - got a call from my daughter's high school principal, saying he had just had a strange phone call from STBXH. Well that scared me to death  - he knows where we are, well not our address, but knows where my daughter is going to school. I talked to my daughter about the possibility of him showing up, and since custody papers have not been filed and I have to be separated for a year before I can file for divorce, he can legally see his daughter. She was terrified but I reassured her that the Principal said they would not make her go with anyone she didn't want to go with and they won't give out any personal info like our address. He got the info on her new school by going to her old school and finding out where her school records had been sent. Nothing I could do to prevent that, he's her father and can get that info. I very much appreciated the Principal calling and giving me a heads up as to what was going on so I could be prepared as much as possible.

Aside from him showing up at my daughter's school, one of my fears is that he will take my car. Unfortunately I wasn't able to get his key to my car before I left, DVD he is on the title as well. I just don't know what a sociopath like him is capable of.

Just wanted to bring you all up to date before we move to the new site - hope to see you all there.

Hugs,

Tazplu

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Bennu

I wonder how much it would cost to change the key on the car? I was afraid of mine taking the car too. He had been making noises about it for awhile, even while together. He didn't like the freedom that it gave me. I rented a garage just so that I had a safe place to put it.

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Tazplu

Hi Bennu,

Definitely worth looking in to. Though I think having to re-key locks on a car would be more expensive than renting a garage. But something I will find out about.  Thanks for the suggestions. The problem I have with just having moved to a new state is that eventually I will need to get new tags & tithe the car here. The problem with that is that STBXH is in the title also - he's not going to sign it so I can title it in only my name. Yes I sign his name better than he does as he's been too lazy over the years to sign everything from school forms to tax returns, but I don't think I want to get into any kind of legal issues with having signed his name on the title. Doesn't seem fair that his car is in just his name and mine is in both names. 

Technically he can't be accused of stealing it if the car belongs to him too. Part of why I left him all the furniture and took almost nothing was so that I could have the car without him claiming I robbed him blind.

 

Tazplu

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Bennu

I think that you could talk to a lawyer about that. Maybe apply for divorce with the stipulation that you keep the car and he has to sign those forms?

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AZ-home

You can use a steering wheel lock for now so you don't have to worry aboit it disappring one night. Might lessen the worry about that one thing anyway. 

He probably called the school to slander you and tell them what a hero dad he is. 

Hang in there. I think of abuse recovery as a volume knob with 100 levels. It’s at 100 now. Each day or 2 it goes down one tick. 99 doesn’t feel that great. But one day you’ll wake up and realize you’re at level 65 and that feels like something! Get lots of sleep if you can. I always can tell a difference in the morning. I think we heal in our sleep. IDK. 

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Tazplu

Great idea about the steering wheel lock - I used to have one for a Jeep. I will go get one, yes it would definitely give me peace of mind.

I will definitely specify that I keep my car & he keeps his when I complete the division of assets of paperwork.

Thank you,

Tazplu

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