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Fluffyflea

Moving on

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Fluffyflea

Hi Everyone,

I haven't posted in awhile,struggling with the grief from the death of my son seven months ago.

Im also struggling with the feelings from the relationship with th ex Malignant Narcissistic P$&?k!

He now lives in the next town full time, I saw him riding his motorcycle with LadyLove on the back. Apparently he's out walking with her. And yadayadayada.

I guess I just have this fear that he's turned into a great guy for her and wasn't for me.

Anyone else feel this way? Feedback please?

Thanx

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Bennu

Yes, mine found someone new very quickly and is still with her. I am not with anyone. It is still much better than being with him.

Deep down I know that he is no different and know that it is only a matter of time. He can only pretend to be nice for so long.

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Vickeee

Hi FluffyFlea,

I'm SO sorry about your son. I can't even imagine how that feels.

Regarding your ex, I *know* he's not any different with her than he was with you, from past experience. My ex started dating a woman that was almost half my age and it all looked so perfect from the outside. I didn't realize how crazy I looked in comparison to him with his calm demeanor until I saw the new special lady almost unhinged at one point and I remember thinking that she looked crazy and how I must have appeared the same way to people outside of our relationship. Everyone thought that he was this fabulous guy and couldn't understand why *I* couldn't make it work, why *I* refused to go to couples counseling after it had been used as a tool against me. Anyways, I was wondering why he wouldn't be that person with me and it turned out that *that* person didn't ever exist. He was the same person with her, only I didn't see it because now I was on the outside. Long story short is that he was abusing her the same way that he was abusing me. She told me, we hung out and compared notes after. She's in the process of divorcing him now.

Sorry, I'm not trying to make this about me. I just don't really know how to exactly express how different the relationship looks from the outside when compared to how it is when you're part of the relationship.

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Fluffyflea

It just leaves me feeling like what's wrong with me. But I remember how he was in the beginning he could really turn it on with love bombing and I was the most important person ever and it would be different with me blah blah blah. But of course I didn't know his history because there were no exes around to compare to.

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percolate

There is nothing wrong with you!  

They all find a replacement very quickly, but that relationship will fall apart because he will sooner or later revert to his abusive behavior.  And he's telling her she is the most important person ever and how things will be different.  He certainly won't admit his role in your relationship or learn from it.  

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Fluffyflea

No that's for sure.

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lizzibethak

Fluffy.............yes I can relate to your situation.  My XH found his new love before I even started the official divorce proceedings and was also worried that he would prove himself different than he was with me.

Well........that relationship failed miserably after several months and of course she deceived him with who she really was (no........she stood up to his BS at every turn) and completely broke his spirit.

He spent time with several family members, all of whom asked him to "move on" and not come back.

Really..........my XH hasn't changed and neither has yours.  It's an illusion that will eventually fall apart.  In the meantime, you are getting healthier and stronger.

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AZ-home

I am no contact with my ex, even on social media, so i have no idea of his dating/relationship status. (I highly recommend that, by the way). But our adult child reports tht he is NOT changed and the abuse he dishes out on me is being dished out on him. 

We have such HIGH hopes they can change. Even as we are leaving we have problems accepting that they don’t really change. My ex is able to be sweet and humble to his new supporters so they all think I’m a horrible person for “giving up on him.”  But just like with me, behind closed doors he’s abusive. 

Start feeling sorry for any new woman who has the misfortune of being fooled by him. It’s just a matter of time before the mask slips and she is suffering too. How long will she take it? She WILL suffer in silencce.

YOU are the lucky one. Not her!

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Vanilli

So sorry to hear about your son Fluffy - sending you hugs. 

I think that they move on so quickly is because they are weak and can't stand being alone, they can't get their needs met by the world and think that women are there to serve and fulfil all their needs so they latch on like a leech. They can't survive on them on. Plus, being by themselves would give them time to face up to what a complete wanker they are - not that they'd feel shame or remorse, they'd just feel off-kilter and not know why. When they are in a relationship they can project that onto the woman and say it's her fault and vent it all at her. Just complete toxic f word ups. 

 

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6245

It is only a matter of time.

Mine did this and he is still with her.  I am sire she thinks he is the perfect man.  For now.  

He won’t be able to keep it up.  He will ultimately show his true colors.

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Fluffyflea

He has such heavy anger issues I don't know how he hasn't shown it by now.

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lizzibethak

Fluffy.............he probably has, but it's being portrayed as HIM the victim who needs love and comfort and healing from this new supply.  It's so classic........I know because I scammed his messages to her and found out what he was saying about me to gain her support.  She thought I was a total witch, just like he told her.

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Fluffyflea

Oh yeah right I forgot about the poor me victim crap.

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lizzibethak

And if she has seen his anger, she may be trying to "prove" to him and herself that she is better than you...........they play that trick also.  

"How can you treat me like this..........this is exactly what Fluffy did to me for all those years!!  I thought you were different!!"

"Oh no.........I'm so sorry.........I love you so much, please forgive me..........I'll try harder........please tell me what I did wrong!"

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Fluffyflea

It's all so calculated.

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lizzibethak

Exactly!!  Whatever happens, you are better off "out"...........they can't hide who they really are.

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