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hoping

Trying to deal with life

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hoping

It's been awhile since I posted. My husband and I have managed to stay together. He is treating me better but has his moments. My daughter separated form her husband who was abusive in the past and maybe all along. I'm not upset she left him but I am upset with who she picked. She keeps picking dysfunctional men. This guy has a m*th  addiction. He says he wants to quit and was signed up for rehab but he was rescheduled. In the past month he has only worked part time and I don't think he has made much money. Do you think her choices have a lot to do with being in an abusive family? I'm worried about my gd who is only eight. She has been staying with us and the other grandparents a lot so we can take her to school in the morning and to keep her away from my daughters new friend and the other people that are at her house sometimes. I hope it is ok to talk about this on here.

I realized after reading some post that my husband is not doing as well as I thought about not being abusive. He tried to get my gd on his side the other day because I very rarely eat his cooking or eat with him at home. This time he succeeded and she ask me why I don't eat with him. I explained that I don't work so I like to get out and be around other people. He also told me this evening that he has no one to talk to about our daughters situation and that I am going to have to listen to him because he doesn't have anyone else to talk to about it. I told him a couple of weeks ago I would help him pay some of our daughters bills until she could get caught up, but now I have decided I'm not going to do it. I haven't told him yet but I will. He helped her this month and ask me again tonight how much I was going to help financially. This is when I realized for sure that I made a mistake by telling him that and that I don't want to help her with the money I get to spend each week. He paid her mortgage and is going to buy her a tire for her car, so she has had some help. I am not going to give up the money that has helped me to feel better about my life and to deal with my depression and living with him.

 

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lizzibethak

Hoping...........the short answer is that dysfunction is "normal" to her..........so she has a greater chance of connecting with other dysfunctional people that those who are healthy.  She would need to be willing to go into counseling and have accountability for her actions and choices in order to break the cycle and see her issues.

That being said......she is also an adult who should have her daughter as primary focus and it appears that she doesn't because she has been caught up in a drug environment by association with a "user".  I understand and agree about continuing to support her if she is not making attempts to act responsibly.  Please be a beacon of stability for your granddaughter.........she needs to have a totally safe environment away from any drug behaviors or associations.  

Stay strong and use your emotional and financial resources to continue to offer a safe environment both for yourself and your granddaughter...........

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hoping

lizzibethak

8 hours ago, lizzibethak said:

 

Hoping...........the short answer is that dysfunction is "normal" to her..........so she has a greater chance of connecting with other dysfunctional people that those who are healthy.  She would need to be willing to go into counseling and have accountability for her actions and choices in order to break the cycle and see her issues.

 

That makes a lot of sense. I forget how dysfunctional our family life has been and still is. Thank you so much.

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