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      Our Place Has Moved   09/30/2018

      Our Place has moved to a new location:      http://ourplaceonline.freeforums.net/forum  You will need to reregister at the new site as we are unable to transfer any content from here to there.   You will no longer be able to post here after 4th October, but the forum will remain visible until the end of October. If you are having problems registering at the new site, please admin.our.place@gmail.com                                                                                             
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AZ-home

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AZ-home

I am now at the 2 year mark of no contact. And we have an adult child together. I can't believe how time flies. When I first went no contact I was doing it one day at a time and reconciling his hoover attempts. It was hard! But the longer I stayed no contact, the more I learned about emotional and verbal abuse and the more CLEAR my past situation became. It's like I was very gradually emerging from a deep, deep hole and starting to see the surface for the first time. The abuse came into focus. Everything started to make sense for the first time. While I was in contact with him (married then separated) the manipulation and gaslighting was so thick that I didn't even realize I was in a fog. But I WAS. 

Filing for divorce triggered his rage and stalking and lies and I honestly didn't see all that coming. My fear of him was out the roof! I was scared out of my mind and looking over my shoulder all the time! People who didn't understand our situation or my justified FEAR, saw me as being rude or cruel to him. He did an A+ job of making me look like the bad guy. My lesson in 2017 was to learn to let go of what others think of me! They don't understand and I don't owe them an explanation. I hope someday to earn back the respect of some of the people I lost to his lies, but if not, it's their loss. Some people want to believe whatever they want and they are entitled to do that. They are missing out on knowing me and watching me transform. They don't reach out to me so obviously, they don't care. I have to accept that. I get to do what I need to do. They get to do what they need to do. I have to let some people go, even if I care about them.

I credit this sight and many of you guys for helping me. 

Last year was a hard year for me financially but I did manage to buy my first little house (my other milestone, one year ago), acquired a (non-romantic) roommate so I am lonely no more, and got a pet after losing mine in the divorce. I feel that I finally have my happy home. Things are looking up. I'm not much in a dating mood but I figure that will come in time. In my small town I figure I will run into "him" someday but so far that hasn't happened. I have one year before we need to be in the same room for our child's graduation, so I have time to prepare myself mentally for that (practice gray rock) and I have actually had some panic dreams about that already. I can feel the fear of him subsiding somewhat. It takes no contact, to heal. I don't know what he is doing so that I don't think about him all the time anymore. 

To those of you standing on the edge of the cliff considering the "big leap" toward freedom and healing, please know that life gets better after you leave. There is a "free fall" period where it's very scary but then the parachute opens and it becomes a peaceful ride toward freedom. And freedom feels amazing!

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Quaddie

It's nice to hear you are doing well. Isn't it weird how - it takes a long time, but eventually that fog starts to clear...  It's like seeing things from a totally different perspective. 

That's the beauty of no contact. Their hooks in you shrivel and die and fall off, and you get to discover who you are and live for you.

 

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lizzibethak

AZ--------------yes, looking back it does seem like time has flown!!  Panic attacks and tears are finally gone.............knowing you can and do make it on your own, priceless!

So..........here's to 2018 with all it's challenges and surprises and another year of sanity and peace!

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AZ-home

Thank you so much! 

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Vanilli

Awesome AZ-home :). I sometimes return to the forum, it was a massive factor in me leaving too. Even though I developed PTSD (now fully recovered) and complex PTSD from my ex (which feels more and more totally manageable as I continue with different kinds of consistent therapy) I can barely remember how bad it was - three years on. I just laugh at what a complete loser he was and how I could do a lot better! 

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