Jump to content
  • Announcements

    • Curly

      Replying to PMs

      Please note that you can not reply to a personal message by replying to the notification email. Recently admins have received some email responses to personal messages. This is because some members have replied to the notification email. You can not reply to a personal message via the email. What replying to the notification email does is send a copy of the original message and the reply to the admin email address. It does not send your reply to the person who sent you the message. The email notification of the personal message does request "PLEASE DO NOT REPLY DIRECTLY TO THIS EMAIL!"
    • Curly

      New Members and validating your account.

      New members registering please do not hesitate to contact our admin if you do not see a validation email within a few minutes of registering. Yahoo and some other email addresses tend to block the validation email and without this part of the process your account remains in limbo. Our admins are more than happy to help you complete the validation process should this automated system fail. We can be contacted via admin.our.place@gmail.com Please note that you may experience a delay between registering your account and validating before you are able to post as we do also manually process all registrations to keep this forum free of spam. Your account should be activated within 24 hours of you completing the validation process. Thank you.
Sign in to follow this  
AZ-home

My Milestones

Recommended Posts

AZ-home

I am now at the 2 year mark of no contact. And we have an adult child together. I can't believe how time flies. When I first went no contact I was doing it one day at a time and reconciling his hoover attempts. It was hard! But the longer I stayed no contact, the more I learned about emotional and verbal abuse and the more CLEAR my past situation became. It's like I was very gradually emerging from a deep, deep hole and starting to see the surface for the first time. The abuse came into focus. Everything started to make sense for the first time. While I was in contact with him (married then separated) the manipulation and gaslighting was so thick that I didn't even realize I was in a fog. But I WAS. 

Filing for divorce triggered his rage and stalking and lies and I honestly didn't see all that coming. My fear of him was out the roof! I was scared out of my mind and looking over my shoulder all the time! People who didn't understand our situation or my justified FEAR, saw me as being rude or cruel to him. He did an A+ job of making me look like the bad guy. My lesson in 2017 was to learn to let go of what others think of me! They don't understand and I don't owe them an explanation. I hope someday to earn back the respect of some of the people I lost to his lies, but if not, it's their loss. Some people want to believe whatever they want and they are entitled to do that. They are missing out on knowing me and watching me transform. They don't reach out to me so obviously, they don't care. I have to accept that. I get to do what I need to do. They get to do what they need to do. I have to let some people go, even if I care about them.

I credit this sight and many of you guys for helping me. 

Last year was a hard year for me financially but I did manage to buy my first little house (my other milestone, one year ago), acquired a (non-romantic) roommate so I am lonely no more, and got a pet after losing mine in the divorce. I feel that I finally have my happy home. Things are looking up. I'm not much in a dating mood but I figure that will come in time. In my small town I figure I will run into "him" someday but so far that hasn't happened. I have one year before we need to be in the same room for our child's graduation, so I have time to prepare myself mentally for that (practice gray rock) and I have actually had some panic dreams about that already. I can feel the fear of him subsiding somewhat. It takes no contact, to heal. I don't know what he is doing so that I don't think about him all the time anymore. 

To those of you standing on the edge of the cliff considering the "big leap" toward freedom and healing, please know that life gets better after you leave. There is a "free fall" period where it's very scary but then the parachute opens and it becomes a peaceful ride toward freedom. And freedom feels amazing!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quaddie

It's nice to hear you are doing well. Isn't it weird how - it takes a long time, but eventually that fog starts to clear...  It's like seeing things from a totally different perspective. 

That's the beauty of no contact. Their hooks in you shrivel and die and fall off, and you get to discover who you are and live for you.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
lizzibethak

AZ--------------yes, looking back it does seem like time has flown!!  Panic attacks and tears are finally gone.............knowing you can and do make it on your own, priceless!

So..........here's to 2018 with all it's challenges and surprises and another year of sanity and peace!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
AZ-home

Thank you so much! 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×