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Quaddie

PTSD at work (and in life)

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Quaddie

...so, in other words (to clarify)... I've been going through this h4ll for much less than my full take-home, and not even enough to live on. 

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whitebutterfly11

Bossmosis!! :lol:

14 minutes ago, Quaddie said:

I am giving myself permission to do what I need, but I don't want to get fired with cause. I'd rather get let go (then I'd get unemployment). But that's not likely to happen as they need me very badly right now. For the next, like, month.  :(

 

I totally get this. Whatever it is you feel you need to do is okay. It sounds unbearable--I don't think I could be in that environment without shutting down. And yeah, for the lack of full pay, too . . . nope, nope, nope. :(

 

 

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Quaddie

Thank you for your understanding and caring... 

Some people have a gift of being able to identify the "crazy" in things right when they happen. I don't have it. I go into auto-defense mode. Takes me minutes...hours...days......weeks....months....years............  to realize oh yeah, that was their crazy, and I wish I'd taken a more assertive stance in that moment.

And especially when you're in such a less-than type of role where you're not supposed to - you know - "talk back" (like a child!).... which an assertive stance is perceived as being...   even though she had claimed she wanted me to. Nope nope nope. Not true.

 

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Quaddie

<shaking in my boots>   I just texted in not-well and afraid of the wrath or whatever.

But it's her own doing...

I do have some issues with my stomach (it's none of her business!) and it's all made so much worse by 1. the stress, and 2. the "problem" she has with my going to the restroom.

So that means if I'm not sure how stable my stomach is, I don't feel I can make a go of it at work because I might either have to humiliate myself by too many announcements and/or risk her anger because I'm in there too long without magically being able to predict it, or too many times, or having to go very suddenly, or whatever.  So the stress about the restroom causes so much more problems. And I can't deal.

So being so stressed about "going" during the week means the weekends are often times when everything goes haywire for me, and it's not quite resolved for me today. But like I said, I don't feel like I can "make a go of it" because of HER attitude toward me and the restroom.

And turnips. She wants my password to my computer and I have a VENT saved in an email draft that I forgot to delete... FVCK. I've never had anyone want that and it was on my list of things to do this morning....     Hopefully she won't look in my drafts... oh crap :(

I'm offering instead to try to come in but I may be ...  away from my desk a bit

 

I HATE HER SO MUCH. You shouldn't have to be so afraid, and then THEY would say YOU are "wrong" and have a wrong perspective for BEING "afraid." I HATE THIS

<edited to add>   So she asked me to forward her emails from my acct and I didn't have access, so I got remote access and deleted the drafts. I HOPE they also delete from my computer, because sometimes these things don't sync well.

<semi-sigh of relief>

 

 

 

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whitebutterfly11

Ugh, she's reminding me of Umbridge from HP. Gross.

I'm so sorry that your stomach is giving you trouble as a result of the stress in your work environment. That can attest to how awful it really is.

And phew! about the remote access. Although, by golly, she deserves to hear it all. 

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Quaddie

lol

Unfortunately I'm not really familiar with HP :(.  

The stomach thing is a round-robin and I'm sure it's at least exacerbated if not caused by workplace issues. Hard to tell, but it's a situation that's definitely made more stressful when you feel restricted and forced to feel self-conscious and...stressed...about it. It snowballs. 

I would never have taken this job if I'd been aware of her...  well, many things, but the restroom thing is a requirement for me.

 

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Quaddie

Then I start thinking, (knowing how "they" think of me), maybe I am just being way too hyper-whatever and it's not really a constant barrage of what I'm doing wrong and negativity and etc.

(I can't even think about looking at emails without panicking anymore... sheesh)

Except....   

I KNOW the difference when people aren't being a jerk to me. 

And it really does seem like there is constant what-I'm-doing-wrong no matter what, even things I couldn't have known.

Then I just had cause to remember that in some other project, I hadn't thought to get copies of some documents before we handed them over to someone else. (I'd never done this before.) I NOW know that was a mistake. I didn't think of it at the time. I'd be bawled out for not having thought of it. (She HAS critiqued me for "not being careful" or "not thinking of...whatever".)  I don't know why I didn't think of it at the time. I truly don't. Maybe I AM a piece of stupid worthless crap.  I don't know. But if I were stupid, would it help to make me feel stupid? It's like being considered a conscious act of negligence... I can't explain... if I don't think of something, as if that's a purposeful wrong act or something. Idk... hard to explain... :(

 

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Quaddie

:(
Got up this morning, again not feeling "great" but it would probably not be a big deal if there was not this immense, humiliating stress about...using the restroom. But I can't stay home another day.

And panicky, anxiety, crying, sweaty, palpitations, shaky... all that stuff. I just can't deal. I am seriously panicked just thinking about going into that place.

I don't think that I want to have to walk out.  The last time I felt like this was in the terrorizing job... but even that did not have these elements of constancy - being ridden almost nonstop, the non-stop-ed-ness, everything-I-do-is-wrong-ness, I-can't-do-anything-right-ness. Also there, there was reprieve - other people (friendly/fun) to talk to and hang with, and there was a basic level of respect for my skills. None of which is present here. It's very confined, and the team is only 4 people (with the 2 new hires who are picking up how to treat me from her.)

I don't know that I'm not hyper-intepreting some of what goes on BUT I think a lot of the "crazy" is objectively undeniable.

I had told her about the negativity and asked for more positivity toward me, weeks ago - it didn't really get any better. Instead she dumped the restroom thing on me.

I feel like I just can't, but I have to.

Also there's, like, integrity and stuff.

Ugh ...    :(    I hate stress and panic and ptsd (see but it's current) and anxiety...

When I'm not around 4ssh0les, or not being treated like cr4p by 4ssh0les - I'm fine.   It's them who screw with me. And I seemingly can't avoid...  but this, this is really over the top. WHO walks into a new job to be treated like this? And then like it's your own fault???  I've never been made to feel like such a stupid idiot fool who can't do anything right. 

I just don't even know how to verbalize it......the panic, the resistance to stepping into that pit of molten lava....  the "I-can't-ed-ness."

Then, of course, like any cycle, it gets "better" for a blip and then you think it's going to be okay... then, it's not.

 

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Quaddie

Sorry I keep blathering...

It's this really strong, constant on-edge feeling of fear - very strong - that something (attacking) could come at me from any angle at any second.... My whole body is so tense and I just want to cry...

And it's not"just" a feeling, because even the slightest things are...harmful to me.

Like there's this style of conversation where, no matter what I say even in casual conversion, I'm still "wrong." "No, it's not that, it's...."  or some other negative response...hard to explain. Even for "little" things. By everyone here (there are 3 others all "above" me)

Eggshells, minefields and a sitting duck for incoming no matter how I dance and swerve.

I can't take this tension....

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whitebutterfly11

(((Quaddie)))

I'm so, so sorry you're feeling this way. It sounds like pure torture. :(

This may not apply or in any way fit with your current experience, but I kept getting this nudge to share it with you, so I will. When my PTSD is at its worst, and I'm being exposed to the source of the trauma without any way to escape (at least momentarily), and it feels as if the walls are closing in, I start tapping into anger.

Anger because it's the one thing that can overpower trauma while you're right in the middle of it.

It might be the last thing you want to feel, or it may be completely inaccessible (and that's okay). 

However, I am feeling some righteous indignation toward these people who are causing you to feel this way. I'll use the word I use to tap into anger (for me, it's the F word, lol), and say the following:

Eff that Bossmosis lady and her effing micromanaging.

Eff the regulations on bathroom usage. She's going to monitor your basic human functioning? Eff that.

Eff the pressure she places on you to know everything, be everything, read her mind.

Eff the deception, where she misleadingly made you believe that you would have proper time and guidance to learn the many facets of your job. 

Eff the constant criticism and downplaying of your hard work!

And the list goes on.

There is an injustice here, in the way you've been treated, in the fact that she's not apparently listening to you, the fact that this tension and criticism has led to a sense of real threat and fear--trauma. So, even if it's not safe to voice any of the injustice, you have every right to feel it, acknowledge that under normal, healthy circumstances you would not feel this way. It has taken someone's threatening of you and your personhood to experience what you are feeling. 

And none of that may have helped, but if nothing else, I know what you are experiencing is real and deserves a voice. I dearly hope today is going okay for you. Feel welcome to keep writing if it helps. 

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Quaddie

I had to meet with her about this stupid juvenile, OUTRAGEOUSLY micromanaging "goals" / crap list she wants every week. Of course, me psycho panic...

Fwiw, besides the sleepy tea I've been doing all day, before the meet I tried  a modified version of that"superhero stance" that's supposed to be empowering, combined with a lot of "eff hers".

I faked being all compliant through it. (Barf)

I could almost FEEL the effort she was making to not be an 4ss to me. It was palpable.

She doesn't make sense in most of her explanations, so it forces me to try to fill in the blanks of what she thinks she's saying...then ASK her, "oh, you mean you want me to.....blahblahblah." I can't tell if this pisses her off or whether she understands that she is simply NOT communicating as clearly as she assumes she is. But whatever. I can't possibly do things without knowing wtf she's talking about. But she probably assumes I'm a simpleton for needing to re-interpret and add words and ideas in order to get any semblance of clarity.

 

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Quaddie

Plus, there's just stupid-4ss turnips like this, ALL THE TIME:

 I emailed her because she's not in the office, questions about a meeting that's tomorrow, something like this (and sometimes ppl tell her directly and she doesn't tell me):

"I haven't received RSVPs for the five people below for tomorrow's meeting. Before I follow up with them, do you know if they have RSVP'd? 

Person A

Person B

Person  c....(etc)

Other than that, we have 6 people attending."

SHE emails me back, only this: "Call Person A."  That's all she says. I don't know what to make of that...

She comes back to the office and I'm involved in another project so I'm not looking at my emails. She comes over to ask me, did you see my email about the meeting? I was like, Oh no I was busy doing this other thing. Then she says,  she'd asked me how many people were going to the meeting . I told her that I sent her that. She said she didn't get it. So I open the email and read it directly off the email to her. 

Then I see that she had emailed me separately to ask me how many people were going. 

She just didn't look far enough down on my email to see that I had already given her the information. and she HAD received it because she'd responded to that email. 

But then, I still had to ask her specifically about the other people I had asked her about with the RSVPs because all she said was to call person A. I asked " did you want me to call the others, too? " She said no. She was going to leave it at that. Then she seem to (finally!) understand that I was asking her if they were coming or not , so she said "they are all no's "

 I mean, srsly. Every little thing has to be like a battle. She evidently cannot communicate, but I do feel she is blaming my lack of comprehension on me as if I am a fool. 

 

 

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Quaddie

....but seriously, she wants a, list of everything I did last week and everything on my plate for next week, every Friday. Which she uses as a sort of checklist. Like a "to do" list, she said. I mean, seriously????  I've NEVER experienced anything like that. If she doesn't know or can't keep track, that's not in on ME, and I'm not like a kid with a progress chart or something, for eff's sake. Remember she also is always TALKING and ASKING what we're doing, meetings several times a week, ffs. It just seems so outrageous to me.  These aren't, like, project statists. It's HER inner chaos making her demand this. But it makes ME feel like a kindergartener.

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whitebutterfly11

I've been thinking about this . . . 

Micromanaging is never appropriate.

1. It is an insult to a capable, autonomous adult.

2. It assumes that "they" (the micromanaging enforcer) know better than others.

3. It is a form of control.

4. It usually involves unrealistic expectations to be met, or else.

5. It induces anxiety and can violate personal boundaries.

6. It is condescending.

And I know there are differences between setting goals as a team, or individually, to help keep work flowing in the right direction and to meet deadlines. I feel that this is normal for any workplace, however, micromanaging is five steps above and beyond normal office goals/organization. I think because it's done as a form of control by one person onto other people, rather than a healthy collaboration of capable individuals all intent on meeting goals.

Just some thoughts. 

How are you doing today?

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Quaddie

You're right, it's very insulting. And especially to THIS degree, which is completely off the charts. I've experienced a lot of micromanaging and this is wayyyy over the top. And she knows she does it, and acts like she doesn't want to....but does it anyway as if it's all perfectly reasonable..and No, I can't tell her to "back off" because even though she SAID she wants that policing - you know she really doesn't, and has proven that she isn't open and will just retaliate. 

And what she calls "goals" aren't, they're just a list of tasks like .... Ugh...idk...so overwhelmingly micromanaging, I can't even

Today....so far a bit better but the day JUST started, so probably just the "it's ok" part of the cycle.

Thank you for asking....   It's good to be understood, this feeling even when nothing in the moment seems horrible, the sense of fear and doom and trepidation.... 

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Quaddie

....oh and I just feel like, I'm afraid of all the emails on my inbox, I'm afraid no matter what I do I'm not doing it fast enough (when things take time, it's like she doesn't believe me and makes me describe the/my process - which although she says it's to "understand" really feels like she is trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong that makes it take so long...even if I say"that's just how long it takes"... I don't think she believes me.  Whatever I do, I can't be ding the other thing at the same time, or there's something I haven't done that may be questioned making me like I'm being remiss.... Yadda yada you get the picture

 

Just....anxious and AFRAID and verge-teary  and full of hate and discomfort and not wanting to be here or doing this 

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Quaddie

Sorry...and like the other day there was this situation I couldn't have had the clue about, and she made like I was an idiot for not magically knowing or somehow knowing to look in old files about (even though they wouldn't have helped anyway) -  I'm afraid of the emails she's sent me since then, I'm afraid to ask any questions about it, I know that's "stupid" but I get that way about things. Probably came from the terrorizing job, but still valid even without it being a "trigger"

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Quaddie

AAAAND it's already started. My desk is not acceptable to her. She told me to clean it up. I did - but I NEED CERTAIN THINGS AND WAYS IN ORDER TO WORK. She told me to change it, AGAIN. I did MORE. 

Now there's this meeting today at the office and she tells me I have to "clean it up" MORE and that we "have to figure out what to do about it."

CUE MY TEARS AND SHAKING

 

I CAN'T DO LESS THAN THIS, IT IS JUST HOW I NEED TO WORK AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH IT

FFFFFF HER FFFFF HER SO MUCH

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whitebutterfly11

Why in the world is she nitpicking about your desk? Why is she treating this as if it's a grave faux pas that needs to be fixed immediately or else the world will end? As if it's her desk.

That combined with bathroom regulations and her buzzing around you constantly asking for updates on your progress--yeah, that's way overkill on the micromanaging and not healthy or normal for a workplace. 

The environment would be oppressive and suffocating to have an adult human constantly buzzing around you nitpicking every little thing.

I would hate it. :(

 

 

 

 

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Quaddie

So, yesterday I brought that one thing that had been the topic of my bosses insistence that I should've known somehow magically to look at some past years thing and part of all the drama last Friday … I brought that to one of the other gals to ask about before re-asking boss. The girl had a very complicated situation to explain to me, which she was able to list out that there were actually two different things going on, and the details of each one, and which groups were involved with which one. and how much money each of them were contributing to each of the things. It was actually more complicated and not at all what boss had tried to insist was my stupidity for not knowing. ( which I couldn't have known anyway because there were no notes about it at all.) this gal told me that boss had been confused, she had been confused , that it hadn't been watching was trying to tell me it was, and that I would have to ask her again . I was glad that she validated that it wasn't me and that their instructions were completely unclear. 

ANYWAY , I then later took it to boss to have her breakdown the figures because they did not add up in any way or make any sense in any way. At first she kept trying to make like it was still my stupidity. Like, oh it's just this so then what do you get if you take that away from that. But I just had to keep pointing out the issues , that it wasn't adding up and wasn't taking something else into account. Finally, she understood what I was saying ( which would have been obvious if she hadn't been so caught up in just trying to make me "wrong"). Finally she understood that she had not given me the information needed, and provided it.  What a lot of drama, and it didn't help to make me feel like I was being a stupid idiot , when it was never me in the first place. I should not have been bawled out or lectured or assumed to be wrong. 

  I hate that I had to have been afraid to re--address it with boss because she was always leaping to me being wrong. And then I was afraid that she would get angry that it still hadn't been entered, when I didn't have the information, and she had really put me off from asking or getting clarification because of the way she treated me about it. Just way too much stress. I can't deal. 

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Quaddie

I think, maybe I really am stupid and incapable, and just don't realize it.

Enough have seemed to think so....... over enough of a period of time......... and this one is really beating me over the head about it.....

I didn't leave one job to be browbeaten much, much worse in another

I'm not finding anything else to apply to

and I have zero interest in any of them, the things I qualify for, I don't want to do.... and/or can't, really, because of physical limitations and/or, there are certain jargony buzzwords about working and jobs and the field(s) that I cannot, cannot bear - not only because they are triggering but also because I simply cannot bear to have to deal with them. And they are ever-present, in almost all jobs, in almost all postings. It's hard to explain - I just can't do it.

So there's not much of anything.

And it's always bad this time of year in that way, anyway, but waiting months to find anything to even apply to will not be okay.

I am not okay.

I am not, not, not okay.

My choice is ... if I walk out, I have nothing and I truly do risk losing everything I need to survive (that's not over-drama or hyperbole).

I can't sleep.

I can't not-cry.

I can't keep being subjected to the craziness and bullying and the attitude toward me....  something new happens pretty much every day, often more than once in a day...

and I can't even bear the "normal" way she operates........ the incredible outrageous overbearing demands to explain what I'm working on and doing at any given moment, to discuss it (and be told what I'm doing wrong)... in depth....... I'm not even allowed to say "odds and ends." "WHAT odds and ends?!" "Oh like invoices and things that come into my email inbox." "WHICH invoices?" .... I'm not kidding, it's that intense, and then there's a list to make of everything I'm doing, and what I plan to do (who does that??!? Nobody I've ever experienced in my lifetime...)  and the intense micromanagement coupled with the negative attitude toward me and the fault-finding and everything I do isn't good enough and nothing seems right

Like even something stupid gets me upset. Yesterday she brought in a big name-brand coffeemaker in a big box she dumped on the floor.

She told me to put it together.

I eyed the box because it was a big box and I wasn't sure how heavy the appliance would be, and I have major issues with my arms/shoulders/etc with any sort of weight, pushing, pulling, lifting - basically, anything (which I have not told her and it's none of her business and there was no weight-lifting requirement on the job description). I've already done something at this workplace which set off a lot of pain for weeks that has just now started to get better and I do not want to set it off again, it's always iffy whether it will get better or not and the pain is very harmful to me.

So I said, "I'll give it a go."

She says something like, "It's probably just one big piece so should be easy." (assuming I thought it was complicated, but that wasn't why I was wary.)

So... for one thing, nobody has ever, like, dumped something like that on me and told me to do it. If people bring in coffeemakers they usually put them together themselves. <Feeling like a servant.>

So I very gingerly put it together. I get to the filter part and can't find instructions and it's not obvious. I find them just as she walks in and starts to try to figure it out herself. I told her I'd never put one together. She assumes that meant I've never used one. I say I've used them, I just have never put one together, and I don't own one. 

I read in the instructions that the filter needs to be soaked for five minutes in water before installing. So I say, "It needs to be soaked, I'll get some water." I get a cup of water and put it in to soak and set it down.

She immediately takes it out and says, "Oh I don't think it needs to soak... maybe just rinse it!" She stands there squeezing and squeezing the filter she's removed from the cup, all the water and crap coming out of it (with her hands which idk how clean, ewww)

I say, "Well, it says to soak it." (I read out loud the instructions) "Soak the filter for five minutes..."

She puts it back down in the cup and says she'll leave me alone, and walks out.

<whatever>

So I finally figure it all out and get it put together, but I don't fill the tank with water. I mean I don't really know. Or don't think of it. Or I don't know. Whatever. I'm reduced to making coffee. I have no clue, but I didn't fill the tank or think to fill it. At my last job the one we had, you just put the water in when you made a cup. Idk. I'm stupid. I didn't do it.

A little while later, she's in there and she yells, "There's no water in this, Quaddie!!!!!"

I go get the tank and fill it. 

She could have asked politely. She could have said, "Could you put some water in this?" or "Would you please fill the tank?" But no, it's a critical yell at me. And she's done that before. It's not the kind of .... treatment... I've really received in workplace. Usually people know enough to be at least a little more polite.

That was just the beginning. Actually that wasn't - I was met with something I'd done wrong, the minute I walked in.

Then later she grilled me like a drill sergeant about what I was working on and wouldn't let me even be general about the fargin' random tasks I do. No, she needed specifics! Details!!

I can't.

I couldn't sleep....   crying all morning.....

I don't think I've ever had someone who made me feel this bad about myself. I really am wondering if I genuinely am stupid or incapable. I really don't know anymore. I don't know. After all, I don't want a brainy job. I want to preserve my brain. Maybe I'm not good enough to even be capable in these low-down jobs. I can't even do this acceptably.

And I didn't have to leave my job, to be treated like this... much worse....

by someone who selected me, especially - I feel like I'm viewed like a stupid problem idiot. She really is nicer to the other (higher)gals who have started since me. (There are only 4 of us composing the office.)

Obviously I'm not good enough, so just let me go now....

I want to say that, but I won't, but I might, I don't know

she would say I'm doing a good job (liar, how can I believe that!?!? in the face of the mistrust and questioning and criticism and condemnation of even my bathroom trips???)

she would say I'm the problem

SHE makes mistakes all the time, ALL the time, left and right - nobody criticizes or castigates her, of course. 

there's no training then it's my fault if I don't know something or if I ask her she criticizes me for not figuring it out myself but if I don't ask something I don't even think to ask her then I'm wrong for not asking.

but who would want to ask questions, anyway, to someone who has repeatedly used them as opportunities to put you down?

no no no

I can't

this is so majorly f'k'd up...   I'm in a very bad place

 

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whitebutterfly11
3 hours ago, Quaddie said:

 

and I can't even bear the "normal" way she operates........ the incredible outrageous overbearing demands to explain what I'm working on and doing at any given moment, to discuss it (and be told what I'm doing wrong)... in depth....... I'm not even allowed to say "odds and ends." "WHAT odds and ends?!" "Oh like invoices and things that come into my email inbox." "WHICH invoices?" .... I'm not kidding, it's that intense, and then there's a list to make of everything I'm doing, and what I plan to do (who does that??!? Nobody I've ever experienced in my lifetime...)  and the intense micromanagement coupled with the negative attitude toward me and the fault-finding and everything I do isn't good enough and nothing seems right

1

"WHICH invoices?"<-------:angry-smiley-005::angry-smiley-005: 

Ugh, I can't.

She's terrorizing.

She is deliberately trying to reflect a false image back at you--one that is incapable without her help and micromanaging. It's all for her, of course. She likes the power this gives her, to constantly pick on you, constantly nag and hover, and control you. It gives her a sinister rise, like narc supply, to subordinate another person this way. It is the sickest, most demeaning way to treat an intelligent, capable adult.

It would make so much sense that this would lead you to doubt your own person. She's reflecting back the wrong image of you. She's taking every little thing she thinks is wrong with you and blowing it up while minimizing all that is good, and strong, and capable and skilled about you, even the good so that all that gets reflected back to you are vastly overexaggerated assumptions about your character, or just plain falsehoods.

Her pattern is unfolding, it seems, to sow seeds of doubt in you about yourself by questioning every little thing you do, then criticizing you when it's not the way she wants. :(

And this?

4 hours ago, Quaddie said:

 

She immediately takes it out and says, "Oh I don't think it needs to soak... maybe just rinse it!" She stands there squeezing and squeezing the filter she's removed from the cup, all the water and crap coming out of it (with her hands which idk how clean, ewww)

I say, "Well, it says to soak it." (I read out loud the instructions) "Soak the filter for five minutes..."

A little while later, she's in there and she yells, "There's no water in this, Quaddie!!!!!"

 

2

Feels like a setup where she gets to sit there and diminish you for the way you assemble her own effing purchase.

Criticizing you for a job she should have done herself, probably didn't know how to do herself, or assumed she was too "above" to take on.

Also, she apparently feels she's too good for instruction manuals, either. And yet her instructions must be followed or else.

 Then, *shudder* she has the gall to get after you for not putting water in the machine?!?!?!?! Why the EFF can't she do that herself? Why the EFF does she have to yell at you for this?

I don't know, it feels very contrived to me, what she's doing. She is targeting you all over the place and terrorizing you. :(

It would make anyone doubt themselves. It would absolutely mess with anyone's mind to have to be around that kind of abuse all day long. It's like she's waiting for something to criticize you about, like everything you say and do is being primed for some sort of criticism. That would feel so unsettling, so terrifying. And she has no concept of her behavior, it seems (she probably does, but she doesn't care), so even if you were to try and explain what she is doing, she would seem shocked because she probably believes she can do no wrong. :(

Even from your responses, I can gather that you are trying to keep some semblance of peace with her, and she's still nagging you. It makes me angry that an adult would treat another adult this way. 

I understand how easy it would be to internalize this all and believe the lies she's reflecting back at you as the truth of who you are, but, she is not an adequate measure of who you are--her perceptions are highly biased and effed up to the max. Basically, she cannot be trusted as a true measure of your goodness and capability as a person because she's like a mirror painted over with her own issues. 

I'm so, so sorry you are suffering.

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Bennu
4 hours ago, Quaddie said:

she yells, "There's no water in this, Quaddie!!!!!"

It would have been tempting to answer: "You're right Einstein." and let her fill it herself.

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Quaddie

Just started reading but I saw this and, after only partway-through today right now and her behavior is escalating, like she feels she has to be...ugh I can't explain it, but I thought of this too, during a team meeting where she was kinda sh!tty to me:

She is deliberately trying to reflect a false image back at you--one that is incapable without her help and micromanaging

I got that feeling, too. .

now back up to read more

Yes....It's truly insufferable...she pulled some really bad crap (imo)/humiliation (now that I think about it) in the team meeting. I sat there truly considering walking out.

She seems to think I have endless and super- ability to do big tasks super-fast, when I can't, I can only do one thing at a time and if I'm doing that, I can't do something else. I'm working my butt off and it's not enough and all she does is pummel me / order me to do things I KNOW need doing but just don't have the time! It's obvious I'm not flaking off but she even talks to me differently than she does to the others...

I am on the verge, I'd be easy to push over it right now....It's truly very bad

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hoping

Quaddie

She reminds me of someone I have known. She is such a jerk!!!!  I can't stand people like that.

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