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Kanga

I'm exhausted

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Kanga

I'm so tired of trying so hard. I'm up against a level of stupidity and immaturity in him that wont ever go away. Sometimes it's petty and I just go around it and it doesn't get to me. Other times it's worse. And sometimes it all suddenly adds up and I reach a limit and I start questioning again why he is doing it. Because it isn't logical. He hurts himself by his behaviour and that doesn't stop him. Wasting so much money and energy on trying to hurt me. It just means I don't have much capacity emotionally for parenting. 

I hate that after everything I still need him to change. I've read so much about giving up on trying to control what he does or expecting better from him. But I definitely am struggling to understand how someone can continue to behave like a school boy when he is divorced with children. He has some experience now of missing out because of his bullying behaviour. Surely he can start making better choices. It feels so exhausting like I'm parenting him along with our children. And he thinks he's a great parent. And when I point out his bad behaviour and set down a boundary ie a warning of what I'll do if he acts that way again, I imagine him smiling and feeling pleased he had an impact. If I don't mention anything and therefore don't set the boundary I feel powerless. This gets me back to my initial statement. I'm so sick of trying to figure this out. There isn't an answer. There is maybe a  just barely good enough way forward. I want better than that for me and for my kids. 

It's good to rant. Get it out of my head. ?

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Bennu

I'm sorry. (((hugs)))

 

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