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Indigochild

Stockholms syndrome: still loving your abuser after abuse has taken place

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Indigochild

Hello all,

I am new to this forum and new to any forum for that matter so i apologize if I'm doing this wrong or if i upset anybody. A little about myself: i am 22 years young, married to my abuser who i have been with since i was 14 years old. I have an infant son and another on the way. My husband is famous for his verbal and mental abuse but will get physical as well. My mother was and is verbally abusive and kicked me out at the age of 14 practically putting me in the hands of my abuser who is 3 years older than me.

Anyways, im having issues with still having compassion, empathy and love towards my abuser. On june 30th i decided i had enough. He punched me in my stomach in front of our baby son while i was 13 weeks pregnant. I tried to leave and he stopped me. I called the police and he now has a domestic violence felony and for once in his criminal life is doing serious time behind bars.. He has put me through so much pain and hell for so many years. But yet, i still love him. And if it wasnt for the police taking him that night i would see be in the arms of my abuser. I know i have alot of mental abuse through the years of being abused between my mother and him but i cannot help the way i think. Still after everything my child and i have been through, i love him deeply and i want to drop the charges but because of the fact that so many abused woman recant and try to drop charges the prosecutor wont allow it. I know i shouldnt feel this way. I know its bad. I know that im being a bad mother because of this but i cannot help the way i think thus why im reaching out to all of you. Call me what you want and say what you will. Idk how to unthink the ways i am thinking. So i am asking you all who can relate. Do or did you feel this way towards your abuser? What happened to help you think otherwise. Thank you and god bless. Xoxo, indigochild.

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Bennu

Try reading the book "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft. It helped me. Here we have walked in those shoes. We won't judge. I'm glad that you found us. (((hugs)))

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hoping

Welcome and I understand.

 

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AZ-home

I like the line where you said "I can't help the way I feel." You're spot on. Your feelings are your feelings and you are entitled to have them. So you have to rewire your brain and consider this toxic man your heroin. You have to leave him like leaving a drug addiction. It will be hard at first and feel like the wrong thing to do. You will need a supportive therapist if you can afford that. It appears you have already learned about Stockholm Syndrome and you are spot on with that. 

Since you are a busy mom you may not have time to sit and read a book. Me either. Do YouTube searches to learn more about:

verbal abuse
emotional abuse
narcissism
covert narcissism
narcissistic mothers
gaslighting
codependency

Knowledge is power. The more I learned the more I understood what he was doing and why I wanted to stay with a man I new was treating me badly. The nice thing about YouTube is you can listen to it in your headphones while you do housework or while the baby naps. Feel free to ask us more questions. 

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Duckies

Indigochild, so much of what you said resonates with me. I feel like I would do almost anything to believe that my spouse is a changed person. Like even the littlest step would be enough to make me change my mind. 

 

But then every time I communicate with them, it just evolves back into a fight. I find myself looking for a trick, the trap about to spring. Maybe I am lucky that this leopard isn't interested in pretending to change their spots. 

 

Whatever it is, all I know is that my heart hurts, and I find myself torn. I imagine that we've all felt like this, and I hope that we'll all be able to move beyond it in the future. 

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