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Confused714

Rough day

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Confused714

Today we had another incident that didn't have any fighting but just totally rubbed me he wrong way. This is stuff that I have had to deal for years. I don't want to really get into all the details because in case he were to find this but he was having a melt down over something that made no sense to me. Then when we were almost done with our conversation he made a comment that just totally gets to me. The way he said it was if ether of us says this then when should go along with it but basically he was saying if he says no I just need to listen and obey him. The situation that happened today was something no one should even have to ask permission for in the first place. He also was ok with it and then flipped and had a meltdown. It was just crazy. I'm just so stressed today. Just more reasons to continue with my preparations. 

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Appletree

Try to disengage emotionally if you can. The energy it takes to process what happens is less if you manage to disengage, leaving more energy to plan your next move. He's trying to keep you tied to him by making you involved in interactions. 

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MorningGlory

Yeah, the Governor would do that to let me know how it was going to go for me if I represented myself rather than make his life perfect for him. He is working really hard to create a whole scenario of confusion to make you just go along with him. 

Disengaging is also the best defense and the best revenge. They are not getting the emotional feed back. Get absorbed into something and put your focus on something else. 

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hoping

I'm sorry to hear that. Mine said at a Thanksgiving dinner around his relatives that I farted louder than anyone. When I complained about what he said, his reply was, " Don't say anything then they won't know if the joke is true or not." I told him I didn't like that because they might believe his jokes. They are so difficult to live with....

My h also treats me like a child that needs to obey, whether he says it or not. My h will go from acting like my dad to a young boy and then to being normal for awhile. 

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tendrils

Just Gross Hoping 

I hope those around him saw what an un loyal husband he was ,to embarrass the person he ' loves ' in public 

 

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hoping

tendrils

I hope so too.

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Kanga
8 hours ago, MorningGlory said:


Disengaging is also the best defense and the best revenge. They are not getting the emotional feed back. Get absorbed into something and put your focus on something else. 

The way I would disengage emotionally was to be aware of abusive tactics in an argument. So things like moving the conversation off the concerns you've raised and then criticising you so you naturally get defensive.  Or they say you can't communicate ie making it about how you've raised the issue. There's lots. Generally though not caring about your feelings and not taking responsibility for their behaviour - so many excuses!

Once I knew what exactly to watch for it was easy to know he was being unfair and disrespectful and walking away, physically if possible otherwise mentally, was the best option for me. I accepted I wasn't ever going to get his cooperation. Disengaging didn't feel like a loss because I knew there was no chance of getting his understanding. 

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Fluffyflea

When I read in The Minds of Angry and Controlling Men he really lost power with me. I saw the games for what they were and didn't respond in the way he wanted.

I planned my getaway and it finally happened.

 

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Confused714

Of course now he is all I love you. Just randomly saying it out of no where. I'm still upset but guess everything fine in his eyes. Probably because I just gave in and was like whatever. 

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Quaddie

A Hoover's a Hoover, No Matter What How    (c) me 

A Hoover can come in all shaping and sizing
And means and degrees of its dramatizing

Some cry, or threaten,
And some fight all night
And some make big promises, seeming contrite

Some look like puppies, all big-eyed and sad
Some will confuse, say it wasn't that bad

Some say you're crazy, some make a flap and
Some just pretend that it never happened

But never forget that a hoover's a trap
Devised so you'll stay 
or so that you'll go back

 

:D

 

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whitebutterfly11

Confused, he is so degrading and spiteful and immature.

I'm sorry you have to deal with such ugliness from him.

 

 

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Fluffyflea
6 hours ago, Confused714 said:

Of course now he is all I love you. Just randomly saying it out of no where. I'm still upset but guess everything fine in his eyes. Probably because I just gave in and was like whatever. 

Everything is fine in his eyes. You are still there. 

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