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JamesF

Verbally abused man

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AZ-home

Truly abusive people don't seek out help and try to fix themselves. That's the difference. The one digging through forums and YouTube trying to find solutions, is the nontoxic one. That's you.

My x before the divorce said to our pastor "we can go to a marriage boot camp FOR HER. There's nothing wrong with me anymore." And there you have it. They see US as the problem. There's nothing wrong with them so they don't look for help. 

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JamesF

I'm starting to wonder if it'll ever end. Now I'm being called toxic. I saw my cousin yesterday and she said I got fussed at every time we were around and said she always seemed aggravated. I don't understand how someone who is toxic can sit and call the person they abused that. 

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hoping

JamesF

5 minutes ago, JamesF said:

I'm starting to wonder if it'll ever end. Now I'm being called toxic. I saw my cousin yesterday and she said I got fussed at every time we were around and said she always seemed aggravated. I don't understand how someone who is toxic can sit and call the person they abused that. 

I think she either believes what she says because of how she thinks or she is lying to you so you will not question her and in hopes she can make you believe what she says about you and other people. 

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JamesF

She didn't tell me trust directly she said it to a mutual friend. Again I got where o didn't like being around her and didn't know why. Once I figured it out I realized the seriousness of this. 

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hoping

JamesF

37 minutes ago, JamesF said:

She didn't tell me trust directly she said it to a mutual friend. Again I got where o didn't like being around her and didn't know why. Once I figured it out I realized the seriousness of this. 

I'm glad you figured it out. 

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JamesF

I am very glad too. Why would she have the nerve to tell people I'm toxic? It's crazy..

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Melinoe

My ex abuser called me abusive, manipulative and narcissistic (all the things he was) in his tales of woe to other people too. It seems pretty standard practice, they accuse you of what they themselves are. And they want to be seen as the victim as a way to further isolate you, so you have no support system. 

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Quaddie

It's called "projection."

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MorningGlory

You can create rules to how you will talk to her and if yelling comes into it you have the right to say calm down and we will talk when you are in control of yourself. Taking a stand to not accept the abuse.    

I think you might be dealing with a BI POLAR DISORDER. If you are going to stay married you can suggest her seeing a doctor and getting on medication. She needs to start managing it because her old ways are not working anymore. I had a friend that got on the right bipolar medicine and he was the perfect person. After so many years your body will eventually start to show the chemical discrepancy. Cracks appear and either you fix it or suffer the consequences of not fixing it.     

Sorry I did not read more in a rush to get to work? God Bless! 

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JamesF

Today is day 1 of my recovery and healing. Yesterday she was served divorce papers and packed some of her stuff and left. No fighting, no phone calls, no text. She still has stuff in the house so she will be back but I cannot express how well I slept last night. It was peaceful, quiet, and relaxing in my home. Thank you to everyone for the support and well wishes! 

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Quaddie

Woohooo that's HUGE. You should give yourself a pat on the back, and make sure you are especially nice to yourself in the aftermath ...This all takes a toll and it's just like recovery from being very ill. Take good care of yourself. 

And  be prepared for the hoovers....They will likely come, and may take any number of forms, and may make you start to doubt your decision. It's all part of the process so keep on course.

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AZ-home

Excellent news! I'm so happy it happened peacefully. You might want to consider blocking her phone number at least for a while. I did for a while and then unblocked for the sake of parenting our young adult child, after the heat wore off. 

Here's to MANY more sleepful, peaceful nights! 

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JamesF

Well it's been 4 1/2 months since she left and things get easier every day. I still have time where I cry and mourn but not nearly like before. Some of her stuff is still here, I think I'll pack it all and keep it in one room until she gets it. I'm more than ready to not see her stuff anymore and get my own. This is definitely a journey but with counseling and a very big community life will be awesome. I feel like I have a new lease on life and can live again! 

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lizzibethak

Good for you James!!  Yes..........getting her things boxed up and put away is a good idea.  I still have a few things I need to move to a closet of "his" stuff and it's been 2 years.  But at least those items don't cause "trigger" emotions anymore.

Spring is just around the corner...........new beginnings after a long winter!

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