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Fluffyflea

Feeling Violated

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Fluffyflea

Hi All,

For the last couple of days I've been having this feeling of having been violated and I think I have been because the ex narcissistic abuser used to just walk all over my boundaries, me my values anything because basically he didn't give a rats butt about anything other than himself and his bottomless pit of needs.

I never felt heard or that felt that my needs mattered.

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Quaddie

I can relate to this feeling. As a result, I have learned very strong boundaries. It, however, still takes me awhile to recognize that "feeling of having been violated." In my situations, I am rarely if ever able or allowed to rectify or even stand up against it - if I try, it is turned around and used against me with further violations.
 

It is a very horrible feeling. I've described it as feeling "mentally raped." I don't know how else to describe it, although I've received angry response sometimes for using that phrase. Also a counselor (who I quit) was aghast at my strong reaction and basically told me "But you could have controlled it" - "you didn't have to put up with that!"  as if I had an option to just walk out the door and still survive (I didn't!), as if doing so wouldn't have subjected me to circumstances that were impossible to my life AND my ptsd. (She wasn't a good counselor.) But that kind of reaction just adds to the feelings of violation.

I really like the book "Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin" by Anne Katherine in part because she calls them "violations" and it's.....validating?.....to realize it's a "real thing." Like, it's okay to feel that way - it's legitimate - because they are violations.

 

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Fluffyflea

Yes I just feel totally violated in every sense of the word.

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Quaddie

:(  I'm sorry, it feels horrible.

 

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Fluffyflea

Yes it does. Thanx Quaddie.

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Melinoe

I can understand this feeling :( I myself am just beginning to understand the depth of violation that happened in my relationship. It become almost normal when you're in it, so it takes a while for things to come into focus, and when they do, oh boy. It's like it's happening all over again. 

 

I'm so sorry you're feeling this pain. What happened was not your fault, it was wrong, and your voice and your feelings MATTER. 

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lizzibethak

Fluffy.............it takes awhile to process all that has happened to you.  Revelation and anger and hurt will continue as you move from victim to survivor......it was a year in January and I'm just now getting over the anger and fear............but it can come back to haunt you without warning so know that you are strong enough to get through this!!

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Fluffyflea

Yesterday was my birthday. I received 2,000.00 from him. They really know how to hit below the belt.

 

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Vickeee

I'm sorry Fluffyflea. They do. 

Happy belated birthday!

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whitebutterfly11

Fluffyflea,

Yes, I too can relate to that violated feeling. It's hard to explain, but I feel sometimes like even when I'm desperately trying to regain a sense of self, holding my own, becoming a silent warrior, I'm still feeling exposed, somehow. It doesn't seem to matter what I do, it's an underlying sense that I have with me all of the time.

(((HUGS)))

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Bennu

Me too. Violated and used.

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Fluffyflea

Yes, used.

 

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hoping

fluffyflea

Happy late Birthday!!!:happybirthday:

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Fluffyflea

Thanks Hoping ???

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