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Fluffyflea

Wow!!!!!!!!!Such Manipulation and all about him

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Fluffyflea

The Card:

Amazing People.

In my life,I've met some amazing people who've forever changed me. I don't know if they know how much they helped me on days when I felt discouraged,uncertain,or simply blue. It could be their grins,their words,their examples,or their real kindness that pulled me through. How much I appreciate them,I'm not sure they will ever understand.....but you should know,one of those amazing people is you.

And then his words:

No matter what,you need to know I will always love you. I will never be able to adequately explain what happened, a unilateral decision is not what I wanted,you will be better off without me,too much baggage that just won't go away,I'm not sure I will ever be able to do what I need to do to be happy.

I understand why you are angry and your actions, that said I hope if you need help you will reach out,I will do whatever I can to help you.

Im sure you are getting all kinds of advice about "clean breaks" there is no such thing,even in death people we have cared for are there.

I really have no intention of selling my home,not yet anyway,so I will be around.

I can stand not going to meetings you might be at,for a lot of reasons other than you being there.

Again,I care about your well being as much or more than my own. I hope you have taken the time to read this card.

Much love,

And then enclosed in the card was my gas card he screamed at me to give back to him.

 

 

 

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Quaddie

What a jerk. 

, a unilateral decision is not what I wanted

Welllll tooo bad, jerk. It's not your decision and you don't get a say. A person is an individual. 

 

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lizzibethak

I, I, I.............me, me, me..............despite trying to say something nice and meaningful, and even wistful  (in his eyes) it clearly ended up being all about him............

Fluffy........you are getting stronger every day and we are so glad you did make the "clean break"

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Fluffyflea

?????

And so all about him.

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Vickeee
1 hour ago, lizzibethak said:

 

I, I, I.............me, me, me..............despite trying to say something nice and meaningful, and even wistful  (in his eyes) it clearly ended up being all about him............

 

 

Yes, totally all about him. Sounds so familiar. Good on you for making the "unilateral decision"

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Fluffyflea

He just wants control back to he can abuse me again and he's taking advantage of the fact that I'm poor.

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Fluffyflea

Isn't that Financial Abuse?

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lizzibethak

Fluffy............that's coercion and blackmail.................some would consider those crimes subject to jail time!

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Fluffyflea

This is all so timed well, right when he figures I'm running short of money, right when he figures maybe I'm missing him and getting lonely.

Its all so calculated as far as I'm concerned.

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Fluffyflea
On 2017-03-08 at 11:10 AM, lizzibethak said:

Fluffy............that's coercion and blackmail.................some would consider those crimes subject to jail time!

Where do you see the Coercion and Blackmail?

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Fluffyflea

 

These letters out of the blue are designed to throw us off and make us feel guilty and miss them and so on and so on right?

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blueskye

My favorite quote of my ex when we were in this same position was "I am no longer in control. YOU have all the control." That's when I knew I was finally being strong. It was killing him to lose control of me and of our situation.

I hate when these letters come. But they are designed to give them what they want. And it's full of self-pity to try to make you feel sorry for him. He's been hurting you for years! And now he wants you to feel sorry for HIM! Poor boy! 

And there are clean breaks. It may not be EASY but it can be done. I went no-contact pre-divorce and went through the whole divorce no-contact. Use lawyers for communication. It pissed him off "to the max" and he did retaliate but being no-contact made the flow of painful information stop. Like turning off a faucet. Eventually the water quits dripping. Eventually his hateful remarks quit getting through to me and it is like a clean break. Easy? No. But the toxicity is gone. 

Stay strong. Don't respond. Don't keep reading it. Go to a friend or therapist to help you process it.

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Quaddie

It's blah blah blah blah blah blah.  Yeah, try not to read such things. It's complete balderdash designed to confuse and suck you back in. Hoover, hoover, hoover. All it'll do is confuse and mess with you. There's no upside to reading them.

 

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Fluffyflea

Well our first encounter happened tonight. He came up to me after the meeting and stood menacingly in my way and said so this is how you want it to end and I said yes. And then I said stop agreeing me and get out of my way. And he goes I meant everything I said in that card and I said oh yes I'll send that back to you along with the gas card. And again he so this is how you want this to end in this really threatening voice and I said yes,you should have thought about all this before you kicked me out of your house.

and he follows along behind me and goes as soon as you knew I was retiring you figured the gravy train was over so this is why you did this.

Unreal.

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Melinoe

"I'll do whatever I can to help you...I care about your well being much more than my own" and he "meant everything he said" yet he menaces you and insults you when he couldn't change your mind! 

 

With manipulative people, their actions never match up with their pretty words. 

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Fluffyflea

??

so true,true,true.

I had gone to the Saturday Night A.A speaker meeting to get my 19 year sobriety chip and I walked in. Unfortunately he was there. I thought he wouldn't be back around for at least a couple more weeks. 

Anyways he was the first person to thank the speaker talking about how he has to be careful of his over reactions and how they lead to things happening that he doesn't want to have happen blah blah blah.

I ignored him through the whole meeting and then got my chip and was so happy about it and then he comes over and gets in my face like AGAIN with the abusive insulting behaviour after the sweet speech his over reactions. Never did congratulate me on my anniversary.

 

 

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Quaddie

Unfortunately, you may need to find another meeting. Somewhere he doesn't know about. 

Even when you think you're ignoring him, he's still coloring your experience. He's still there, and it still "controls" you in some manner. And there will always be discomfort and apprehension. You cannot be free to be you,yourself as a separate being.

It sucks, but it'd be better to have your own world that he's not part of and can't force his way in to. 

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Fluffyflea

Yes,agreed.

I think he came back early on purpose.

Anyways I'm going to relocate to other meetings. He's been sober 40 years BTW but alcoholism has nothing to do with Abuse.

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