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hoping

Feeling Like A Bad Person

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hoping

My husband is being nice again, of course it helps that I haven't seem him as much. I am asking myself again, "Is his abuse that bad?" I am going to call a domestic violence center tomorrow and see if they can help me and how. I am feeling guilty about doing this because as far as I know, he doesn't have a clue that I am considering separating and maybe divorcing him. I keep thinking, maybe he is not that bad, he has some good things about him. He seems to care about me in certain ways. I am feeling afraid I will regret my decision. I am still going to call the DMVS. Today my daughter was upset about something and she started talking real loud or yelling at my husband when he tried to give her advise. He walked away and told me that she acts like he can't hear her when she starts yelling. I told him it wasn't that, it was that she was trying to control him and shut him up by talking louder. He really didn't seem to understand this, even though he has done this to me many times. It seems to me that he knows it works, even if he doesn't know why he does it. He can see other people do some of the things he does and doesn't get that he does things that are similar, maybe not always as bad, but similar. Today he also said a guy got angry at him and he didn't know it until he sped up and blocked him from a lane and then followed him. My husband has told me how he has gotten angry at drivers because he thinks they are doing things on purpose, which maybe they are, I don't know. I wonder if they are all aware of what they are doing or if they are doing it to purposely not let him around or to slow him down. The only people that I have that are supporting me to leave this relationship are the ones on this site. I have a sister who listens to me, and has been through abuse, but doesn't want to encourage me to leave. I have a friend that understands, but she doesn't want to encourage me either way. I can understand, but it still bothers me. I am feeling kind of alone and sad except for your help. Thank you  

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Quaddie

When I was married, my mother saw what was going on, but she was afraid to say anything or be unsupportive of the relationship because she "didn't want to interfere."

I found that out after she died. My father didn't share her fear of interference. After she'd died, he told me what they'd both seen, what they'd both known. He told me I didn't deserve to be treated that way, and he knew I was very unhappy. He supported my getting out.

The reason I'm telling you this is because sometimes people close to you don't want to interfere, or encourage you to leave because they're afraid that if you regret it, it'll be "their fault" (their guilt) - or that you'll blame them. 

 

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hoping

Quaddie

Thank you for telling me this. It helps me to understand better and to feel better.:hug:

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blueskye

I have a very supportive family member who never gave his opinion of what I should do; leave or stay. He always listened to me when I tried to sort things out in my head. Even after we separated he still stayed neutral but supportive. Finally the day came that I filed for divorce and he then revealed that this was what he felt I should do the whole time but he felt it was a personal decision that I needed to reach on my own. That was so that I didn't feel like people were pushing me to do it. He was right. 

Leaving and possible divorcing are VERY big decisions that ONLY you can make. Your sister and friend, keep them close. They will support you no matter what you decide.  And also let them be your example of what true love really means. They love you no matter what! What a great example! 

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hoping

blueskye

Thank you for replying. I'm glad you have a supportive family member. Yes you are right, my sister and friend do care about me. You know, it probably is better that they are staying neutral. Hugs

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