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Happily ever yeah right!

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My story I am finding very hard to write. IT has many facets and the type of abuse I faced really mentally messed with my head. So I am grateful to be healed enough to talk about it. I was married at nineteen for nineteen years and had a lot of hope and promise. I wanted to be married my entire life. I was coming from a tiny family unit that was broken. It was just my mom and brother. We had been through hell and back but would just be nice and care about people. I received sign right off that were odds looking at it all in hind sight. I did not recognize them. I believe my self-character was not developed enough to see everything clear. My whole family was surviving and we were pulling everything we had which was not much just to show up.

Some of the clues I had was once he invited me to dinner and I thought this was a date. I went to his house and this lady was cooking. He only said her name. I found it odd that his mom might be cooking dinner on a date. So we talked for a while then through the conversation I learned she was his sister. He never told me. I was very embarrassed and this slip of embarrassing information seem to happen often. I just wondered if possibly I had not got out enough to learn how to be really sociable. So I took that stuff lightly. It was the beginning of gas lighting and I did not see it. We went on like 12 dates and he did not kiss me. I was getting mad and said flat out are you going to kiss me or not. I had to ask to be kissed. He said he was nervous. We seemed to hit it off he started to show a big interest after the kiss. He was pursuing me hard. He would bring me flowers and my mother flowers. So he could do not wrong. He just did not pursue me he was brown nosing my mom. As if she would be treated really good too! We were thinking this guy is really nice and seems family oriented. He had plans of a career it just looked very positive.

He started to want sex all the time so I put my foot down and said I want a relationship not to be used. He soon proposed to me. He credited that to his friend, not him. His friend said what are you doing don't go overboard. So he was like your right and bought me a ring to get married. Like it was a reverse challenge. We had a small ceremony and to evade some of the cost he had me enroll in college to get a cheap blood test. He did not buy my bouquet of flowers he said some client volunteered because he did a good job. I was grateful and picked out a bouquet but what seemed odd was they wanted to only give me something cheap. When I tried to get the flowers I wanted they acted funny. If I was smart enough I would have put together he gave them a story and they felt bad for him. I just did not see the banjo playing I thought wow this guy is great people always want to do things for him

After we were married it was obvious things were funny. We were arguing and I said well you wanted to get married and we are married what are your plans for our lives. He response I don't know I did think that far. Heis appetite for sex changed he went from being very into it to al of a sudden. orgasming before he even out it in. I was freaking out a bit and called it part of the role of learning who he was. So I became this man's nurse-maid. He needed help and who had to save him? ME

We started to hit some really hard patches. We had a room mate the first year and I was fine with him. He started to do the math and found out his room mate divide the rent up to the exact percentage of the stamp. Learning the man I was married to which we will call the Governor. Charged the room mate for the stamp. The room mate figured the difference and gave a fraction percentage in retaliation. You can say he was perturbed at the room mate defiance and all of a sudden found things wrong in all places. Our room mate moved out and we were scraping but okay. One of his other friends that came to our wedding bought him a wedding gift for use. They decided they liked they our gift to much and kept it. So we would go over to eat at their house and they would point. That's your wedding gift and laugh. I was irritated and he never had a talk with his friends. It was why do I have a problem. It was about me even at the beginning. 

We split up and the night I told him I can not take this. He pulled a gun out on my while I was in the car. I was wrestling with the gun and managed to slip the loaded clip out of the thing before he cocked the thing. I pretended to throw the clip out of the car to get him to run after it but he stayed in the car. He would not leave me and I did not want him driving off with my car. We drove home that night. He demanded sex I said no. He ended up do a very graphic masturbation while I sat in the other room. I was repulsed!

He moved to another state and claimed he found GOD. I doubt hid new found beliefs and hammered him. Not plans to get back with him but we still had to split the wedding photos up. He showed up and I was oh so sick that night. Must have been all the stress. I had the world's worse migraine. I could barely walk. My mom showed him in and he had this big gift I was too sick to care. I need the emergency room. My mom knew what he had done earlier with the gun and she still was not really saying anything about it. She let the governor drive me to the ER. While I was there they saw how sick I was and gave me a very strong Narcotic in an IV. I had hallucinations from this drug. It was Stadol and a good dose. All I can remember was saying I need a hamburger. I had to have a hamburger and still to this day think it was the best burger I ever ate. I really do not know what we talked about. He was there for me and to be honest I believe I had Stockholm syndrome here.

We confessed he tried to get back with his first girlfriend before me and I started to date. We were both separated. He later made a big deal and made me confess to being an adulteress after six months. This was an incorrect emotional stronghold because he was dating too and he wanted to pull off our split-up and cover up the gun thing by haveing big emotions over our mutual break up. I know I had Stockholm I was just agreeing to things to just get over it.

A few months later he told me how he planned to come back and kill me if I did not take him back. He gave explicit details and you could tell he gave it a lot of thought. I was at this point not seeing the threat to me this was a normal conversation and he was just starting, to be honest.

Next thing I know I packed all my things in his car and kiss my mom goodbye. I moved back with him and was thinking. I need to set up a nest egg to leave. So in my mind, I am starting to know I have to be ready to have my own stability. Yet I am here. He was telling me about God and what he learned. I did study the bible to some length and somehow I thought this might work. I got to my baptism and realized he was baptizing me and stopped. I said the bible said, come as you are and I was a women getting a divorce. HELLO, I THINK I HAVE STOCKHOLM!!! Yes, I still saw myself getting a divorce. They made me feel like I would go to hell if I did not do my baptism this one way. The next thing you know I was an avid church goer and he was too! We had all these little meetings and I had a few drag outs and pointed out I did not feel he respected women. He would say things well and had a lot of friends but his action it puzzled me to why no one saw what I was saying. I doubted myself and surrendered for a while. I found I also surrendered myself and will.

Later he started to do funny things. They would say all the leader stand up for applause. He was not a leader but would stand up for applause anyways. It was embarrassing to me but he explained it to others and all of a sudden people started to see him as a leader. We would go to his bosses house at Christmas. and during the party's he would issue a challenge to himself. They next thing you know he is squeezing his body into his bosses children car for twenty bucks. It was all self-created and I was very hurt by his need for attention. How could he do this while I was trying to get to know people I felt like a third wheel. He seemed to have no regard for me and my feelings and then make me feel later I was unsupportive and inconsiderate. He then would talk to people around the office until they all felt it was funny. He seemed to work at it till it worked for him and others upheld the deeds.

We then had a few big problems. One thing was I was pregnant with a second child he yelled at me and I miscarried. He said he wanted kids and then we tried as a team to get pregnant. Then he yells at me. When I told people he did this he denied it. A few months later after that incident he reached out on the patio and wrung the neck of a seagull. There were feathers flying in our bedroom and my son was asleep three feet away. I tried to get the elders of the church involved and he minimized it. great now we are moving  again. We were always moving. I told him if he wanted to have a kid he would have to buy me a crib and assemble it. I sold the crib we had. He never did buy a crib. I still wanted a baby. So I asked him if I could volunteer to be a surrogate mom for as couple at church. In my head, I was thinking. I could have my process and he would not get a child I could get it out of my system and be the loving person I knew I was. He said yes. I confirmed that and he agreed to it again. I said Okay because I will be talking with them soon. I was so excited to offer this to someone I cared for and he all of a sudden changed his mind. I felt sick. To me, this was much worse than yelling at me and miscarrying. I believed Stockholm was reenacted here. Something happened to me mentally. I went the very next day and begged for forgiveness. I said my husband said I could help now he is telling me he is not okay and changed his mind. I loved these people and it hurt to say that. My friendship was tarnished with them after this and yes it would be rightly so. Believe it or not, I was happy to do the next move. A new location I think I volunteered for that one.It was a big far away move.

Things seemed to be gradually getting worse. We were not clearing the hurt feelings and he had a weird control over the money. I did not even have an ATM he put his check on direct deposit into an out of state account. Keep just me in this account. Then for some reason, my magnet strip never worked. I would have to walk in the bank to get funds transferred and Transfer the exact amount I needed. He had all the automatic withdraws coming out of this local account. It was always overdrawn because he would not put the money in before the payments would come out. The governor would blame me for a minus and his lack of management. I was so depressed and he was harping on my bad behavior when I was very serving. I started to get really sick and learned I had Fibromyalgia. Probably because all the stress I was under.

We went to this wedding and he refused to dance with me so I gave him an ultimatum. Dance with me first or I will not let you dance with anyone first. That made him so mad. He took me back to the hotel room. He yelled at me so bad. I felt my heart was going to explode out of my chest. I filled the tub with Ice and laid in Ice water. He was still coming at me. I thought he was going to drown me in the ice water. I crawled out of the tub and threw up! I yelled at him to quit he was killing me. I returned home and my friend said I did not talk for two months after that.

Later I did a snoop on his computer and plugged in the cookie addresses. I found pornography. Then I did a search and found two letter to the girl he proposed to before me. The images looked like her at that age. I read those letters and saw exactly what he had in mind. I confronted him and he denied it. It took two hours and putting the picture up in front of him and then he said yes I wrote her but minimized his intent. I said I was too disgusted to talk with you. Really we were beyond him not understanding what he was doing. He approached me six weeks later and said he ended it. I though he was denying that anything happened now he proud he ended it. So what did he really end? At this point I could care less I knew what I knew from day one. He did not love me! Nothing hurts worse than accepting the truth you are not loved. He showed this by his actions and his words lied why he did what he wanted to actually do. He was 
studying the bible with me to control me not to create peace. There were some control aspects off in the church but he had his pulse on that action. 

I did finally ask for a divorce. He was in contact with his first girlfriend that very week. They are married now. He was a big emotional liar. If he was not lying he would have found a new person to date. I am under the firm belief he got back with me to hurt me. He was also trying to make it look as if I was deliberately trying to hurt him. The mean evil housewife. The one that gave her retirement to give our family a house. I will have to pay my entire life because of his abuse. It will hit me at every phase of my life even after I left him. 

When we divorced he tried to build a friendship with my family that was no contact. My mother was raped and she does not have talking relationships with her side. He tried accusing me of being a dependant personality. He is a liar!!!!

I am now about 200 lbs lighter. I removed a lot of dead weight he is called the Governor.

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Yes, many people have discovered how much lighter they are after removing 200 lbs of dead weight!

I hop you and your mother have seen and heard the last of your xh!  It takes time to recover from abuse, but there are a number of people here are thriving after suffering emotional, physical, sexual and financial abuse from their spouses and partners.

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You can only get better, right?   Keep  going, you can do it.

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