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Noname

my story. physically abused as a young child by sibling

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Noname

I am new to this forum and am giving it a try. my story is typical. I grew up in a loving family but there was one big problem. that problem was an adopted sister 10 years older than me and stronger than me. my parents were wonderful people in that they raised many foster children out of the goodness of their heart and not for the money from the state. unfortunately, I wish they would have left my adopted sister where she was. the adopted sister was nothing but trouble. She was defiant, arrogant, never did wrong. In her eyes my mom was a nasty lady dog my father was a country bumpkin and all the rules of society did not apply to her. She would be the one who would grab me by the shirt, yell in my face with her evil eyes just glaring through like Charles Manson when she got angry. . She was the one that smacked me across the face on more than one occasion when I caught her smoking and said I was going to tell my mom,. she was the one that would lift me up by my pants and swing me around in the air while I was screaming, begging her to let me go while my mother standing by and doing nothing other than saying stop it. . years later I confronted her on this and got "oh, brother we were just having fun, its a wonder you don't have any sexual dysfunction". she was the one that would pretend to call the sheriff to have me arrested "hi, this is abusive sister, I need to speak to the sheriff. I need to report my bratty brother noname. can you come up here and take him to jail for being a brat". again I would be screaming and begging her to stop. again mother would be in the room and poo poo it. she was the one that would hold me down on the floor. tickle me to death until I could not breath. again laughing like a hyena and getting great joy out of torturing me. she would be the one while on the school bus telling the bus driver how i would "misbehave" not sit in my seat, walking in the aisle while the bus was moving etc. luckily the bus driver was on to her unlike most people. i was her punching bag. i was her little football to throw around.

The worse though was the constant arguing and verbal fighting between my mother and her. My father was clueless and still is to this day. He would always be at work. my mother would demand that she clean her room or go pick something in the garden or mow the lawn or ___________ and it would always end in a verbal altercation. The one that was the worse was when it was taken outside and my sister smacked my mother across the face and called her a lady dog. i was watching from the door window. she finally left when i was around 8 or 9. however, as years went on she would divide the family. she would keep in contact with my dad.

The years went on . things seemed to smooth out but there was always tension. i would put on a plastic face when she would come to see us. i was always caught in the middle and was the go between. the adopted sister would say have you heard from mom and what did she say about me. mother would say have you heard from your adopted sister and what did she say about me. i was always put in the middle. not a nice place to be as a young teenager or young 20 year old college student. When she did visit, i put up with her arrogance and her holier than though no everything attitude just to keep family peace. . she always was right and never was wrong. there was and still is not self examination or reflection. she is incapable of seeing the harm she did or the emotional havoc she did to me.

then at 40 years old i finally found someone i wanted to spend my life with and i got married. we called out parents and told them and i told my natural sister. we then posted it on facebook and she had a fit that we did not call her. she then gives my now wife a lecture on how to deal and communicate with my parents. this was the final straw and i cut ties and disowned her.

My natural sister and i wrote her a letter explaining why we wanted no contact. why we had to separate and how painful it was but we just could not deal with her. then fast forward to yesterday.

It is our neighborhood picnic. i am informed that she is coming. i break down, i scream at my father, he yells at me for holding a grudge, i yell at my mother for not protecting me, i cry all day. i cry all night. I did not go to the picnic which pissed me off. I was looking forward to it. it would have been to tense to have her there. my mother informs me that she had a talk with her and she wants to make things right. My mother says how can we resolve this. i say there is no resolution. she can apologize all she wants. it makes no difference. so the question is this. does the pain ever stop. does the crying ever stop. do the flashbacks ever stop. does the anger ever stop.

I was at a conference once and the speaker said "it is not their behavior that bothers us, it is what we are missing out on due to their behavior"

I always wonder what life would have been like if she were a normal person who had a conscience and a moral compass.

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Bennu

That sounds terrible. It sounds like you need to do a lot of healing. I have found talking to a therapist helpful for that. Have you considered it? I think that cutting contact was the right thing. I am sorry that your parents seem to be wearing blinders. I should listen to my own advice. I still keep contact with toxic family members.

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Noname

this is a long run on so bear with me. if this is "too much information" i have no problem with the administrators deleting it or making me edit it. i saw in my first post how one negative word was changed to "lady dog". it took me five minutes to get that one but am glad that the website has some oversight and keeps tabs of things so we do not get out of control. yes, a lot of healing. yes, i have found a therapist and it has come at the right moment. it is from the county mental health clinic which you have to play the intake game and go through the motions before you get down to business. luckily the intake is done and we can start now. i did ask him "do you ever move on" the answer is no, you "move forward". he mentioned something like re programing your brain and thought process. i have no clue now what that all means but one has to start somewhere. my mother in her defense has finally woken up. she had no clue how much it had hurt me. she was crying saying how sorry she was that she did not protect me. i sincerely believe her. my father was not around to really see the brunt of her actions. he is a wonderful and brilliant father but sometimes does not see what is right in front of his face. there are other issues too. i am bipolar type two and i am sure this childhood abuse played into it. i have sensitivity to loud music, i have huge anger issues. that is the bad news.

being small, shy and sickly i would get picked on terribly in a school community where sports ruled and people who were interested in learning were shunned. i can not say my last name on here due to privacy reasons but due to its conatation i would be called queer faggot homo, you name it. the good news is to deal with my pain i got absorbed in my studies. my parents did not have to prod me to study or get my homework done. a book never talked back. a book never smacked you. a book never made you hide in fear. studying meant you did not have to interact with people. i became a militant nerd and still am. my parents supported me all the way. we put me through five years of pharmacy school, i am a successful pharmacist and well respected in my community and place of employment. all is not lost.

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Bennu

I find it really sad the huge impact a relatively small number of abusive people have on the rest of the population. I wish you more healing.

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