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Mojo

Sad life

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Mojo

My husband and I have been married for 40 years. I am a 61 year old retired school teacher. My husband is disabled due to many health problems over a number of years. However, he is able to take care of his needs at this time and can drive. I have spent the last ten years being abused by him verbally and suffered greatly with emotional abuse. My husband is also an alcoholic and his rage is worse when he is drunk. He rants and rages at me day after day after day. He brings up everything that I have done over 40 years of marriage that angers him. I know I am not perfect by any means, but don't feel that I deserve his anger. Things that anger him most are me wanting a house he thought we can't afford, not wanting the dog pen paved, and not liking the color of mulch, and other things. He has lost a great deal of our money, gotten a DUI, emailed a young women in our community hitting on her, and various other incidents. Also, he has been so rude to our son and his wife that they don't want their children around him. I would love to just leave him and move 600 miles to be near the grandchildren. However, I'm afraid to start over at my age. I'm afraid of being alone. Also, I feel guilty about leaving him. He has nobody else. However, I don't want to spend my last years walking on eggshells and hearing how horrible that I am. I don't want to be yelled at over and over. What a mess my life is!! I feel so helpless.

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tendrils

Mojo

Hello

Sad indeed - you don't deserve it

I'm reaching out to you with all my heart and understanding of your situation

I can't write much just now

If you wish too ,have a look at my previous posts for my story

We.all have one ,and all of them are different but similar .

You will find great support and honesty from all on this site

I was with my husband for 32 years , married for 23 of those . Like you I am 61 .

I will follow your post

Stay strong

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hoping

Welcome Mojo

I am glad you found us. I too have been married for a long time and I am 59. I'm sorry to hear what you have been going through. I'm still with my husband too and some days I want to leave and others I wonder if that is the right decision for me. I do know the abuse is not good for us. I too feel F.O.G. (fear, obligation, and guilt.) There are several books that I think are good to read.

Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That and Patricia Evans, Controlling People, How to Recognize, Understand and Deal With People Who Try to Control You. I am reading Patricia Evans, The Verbally Abusive Man, Can He Change. So far I think it is a good book to read.

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Bennu

I'm just a little younger and I did leave. It's a relief. Life is short. I wasted so much of mine. I'm glad I stopped.

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Vampydoll

I am so sorry Mojo. Your life sounds quite like mine only my husband does not drink or womanize. We are trapped. I know exactly how you feel. Do I think there is a light at the end of the tunnel? I hope so. We have hope, that's all we have.

As far as dying alone, I am 58 and would rather die alone than be with someone I no longer care for. But that is just my opinion. If I was secure, I would leave him in a second

As a matter of fact, about 3 years ago I did leave but had to come back because of the health insurance issues. I wish my health had held out because he wouldn't see my dust

Vampydoll

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Mojo

Thanks so much for the support from all! I am reading The Verbally Abusive Man. It is very enlightening!!

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Appletree

I'm in my early 50s and been with him more than 20 years. I'm not totally free either. Freedom is daunting but worth it.

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