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clurichaun

Let me go!!!!

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clurichaun

A letter to S,

I've broken up with you more times than I can count. You'll rant at me about how I blame you for everything while you blame ME for everything. Everyone I know is stupid according to you. Wanting alone time with my friends is apparently the same as me saying I want to go to the bar to get picked up. When I pointed out how you ignored me saying no to doing certain things sexually and you still tried to do them until I gave in does not give you the right to get mad at me for "calling you a rapist" I didn't use those words YOU DID. You didn't tell me I couldn't talk to my friends or brother but you DID make me feel sh***y every time I did. Your anger is always someone else's fault. Your son's bad behavior is always blamed on his mother even though you're teaching him and his brother the way to resolve problems is beating people up. You're raising a narcissist! Besides you don't beat anyone up. You threaten behind closed doors. You talk big talk to CHILDREN. I'm not scared of you anymore and the only reason I'm putting up with you is for those boys. I don't want to ruin their summer but I'M DONE. Stop trying to make plans and pretend you're a good guy and I'm the crazy one. Stop trying to wait for me to get weak and miss the small comforts of being close to you enough to forget the fact that you constantly accuse me of having another boyfriend even though we're in contact ALL DAY AT WORK. Even though we're supposedly broken up you want to spend every break on the phone and I do because it's easier than dealing with more bogus accusations! I hate how you make me feel. I hate feeling like any of this is my fault. I hate thinking about how I could have made things better. I hate myself for not running every chance I had before moving into a place under my name. I consider killing myself since it seems the only way I can get away since you just WON'T LET GO!!!! Please.....please just go....

C

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lizzibethak

I had a fantasy once............to have my XH behind bars and away from me so I could safely blow up at him for all the crap I lived with and he put me through. I was not allowed to ever express anger or "blow up" because he couldn't take it..........he would immediately get volatile. So I stuffed it for 31 years.............and finally got out by making him leave..........he just couldn't stay in Alaska with me being here too because I ruined it for him.........?????? Yeah.........I'm that powerful that I can make you fear a place bigger than Texas..........

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clurichaun

I understand that totally about not being able to blow up. He can get angry all he wants but if I get angry back he points out that I'm angry and yelling too so his rage is ok. Or he'll suddenly get calm and quiet and ask why I'm yelling. It's crazy making!

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