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Ann1981

Forgiveness

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Ann1981

Has anyone here been able to forgive their abuser? I understand if people haven't just wondering if someone has how they went about doing it. One of the counselors I saw told me it was best for me to forgive my father by writing a letter to him.

My father emotionally abused me as a child, he also was a drug dealer and user. He passed away of a stroke when I was sixteen. I never told him how I felt or confronted him about the abuse.

Every six months or so I fall into a heavy depression and have a hard time dealing with my insecurities and daily life. I found that writing the letter to my father helped me let go of a lot of anger I had towards him.

But I still feel very angry with my mother and she is still alive and in my life. I don't know really how to deal with this anger, in all honesty I don't want to really let I go I feel very justified in my anger.

Just wanting to hear about other peoples situations and how they deal.

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Bennu

I don't think that it does any good to talk with the abuser to try to explain the impact they had or to try to get them to take responsibility for what they did. They just plain don't understand and/or don't care. Dealing with the reality of what they did is something that they can't face. They will only make excuses and that will hurt you more. It is hurtful to ask for understanding or acceptance of responsibility and be faced with that reality. You need to stop letting them hurt you. That can come through a complete lack of contact or by setting up boundaries, depending on the abuser. Writing a letter and not sending it can be helpful.

What is your relationship with your mother like these days?

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Appletree

I have found it helpful to write in a journal and talk to a sibling about my anger. My father was emotionally abusive, the "great guy" in public but quick to anger in private. I have now decided to simply accept that what happened did happen and I can't change it. If I keep letting what he did define my life he's still controlling me, and I have made a conscious decision that I want to move on. By being angry it is almost as if you want to give them another chance to make it better by acknowledging your pain. But they won't or can't (both my parents are dead now). So it will never be "resolved" and I have come to accept that. This may not work for you but it did for me.

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Ann1981

Bennu I'm going to post my whole story in the my story section because it is quite long and I don't know if it's a good idea to post it here.

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