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Jade72

Finally a normal life

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Jade72

Hi everyone. I wanted to share my story in hopes that it will help others realize that you don't have to live in abuse.

I was with my abuser for 21 years. He was super controlling, verbally abusive and occasionally physically abusive. I thought that it was my fault that he treated me this way and if I could just learn to be what he expected me to be then it would all be ok one day. It took me a long time to come to the realization that NOTHING I ever changed in myself would ever satisfy this man. It wasn't me...it was he who needed to change. I was a prisoner in my own home and turned to alcohol and Xanax in order to cope. I joined an abuse board and that is when I started learning that my life was not normal and I could never make him "be sweet and loving" towards me. I read a book by Patricia Evans about abuse and control and i thought wow it's as if she is peeking in on my life because it was exactly what I was going through. Even then I didn't leave because he showed little glimmers of hope but the cycle of abuse would always return.

It was in August of 2010 that I finally started thinking Karen do you really want to live this way for the next 21 years? I was scared and the years of abuse had my self esteem down to nothing and I wondered if I was strong enough to live without someone controlling me and telling me how to think and what was right or wrong. I mean I hadn't made a decision on my own for 21 years. Well luckily I have 5 wonderful sisters and good friends who once I made the decision to leave we're there for me and kept telling me that in a few months I'd be so happy and would be asking myself why the heck did you wait so long to take control of life and live happy. They were right! I now have a wonderful man in my life who accepts me for who I am and would never dream of trying to change me. I never had children with my abuser and thank god for that but now I am a step mom to 3 awesome children that I adore. So if you are asking yourself should I stay or should I go my answer to you is run as fast as you can! You aren't to blame for the way this monster treats you and please learn to love and respect yourself because you need that in order to heal and move forward.

I am truly happy now and if I would have stayed it would be the same thing I lived for 21 years. I will never let another man disrespect me, control me, belittle me or hurt me. The grass is greener!!!

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Refuge1

Thank you so much for sharing your story Jade. It is encouraging! I'm in a long marriage, 30 years. The last few have been separated in our house. It's peaceful and he is as nice as can be, for a long while! But it all started after it ended for me, and I detached. I have peace even though financially I can't make it until I get year round work, but sometimes I think, why would I care to leave now? It's no marriage, but the house is more peaceful than ever before. I've never been much of a risk taker. But the plan is making the final settlement by 2 years. Daughter will be 18, and that will eliminate the custody issue at least.

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