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Should I Stay or Should I Go?


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#1 app

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Posted 18 October 2012 - 10:26 AM

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

I don't remember seeing it, but above is a link the new Lundy Bancroft book available.

Bonus Material on another page.

Chapter One: Your First Steps (.pdf) Chapter Two: Men's Work: What It's Really All About (.pdf)


I just got an email from Barbara's website that I subscribe too. She is a member here, and she has some good resources as well. She sent out an email calling people's attention to the book, and I just wanted to share.

#2 Wendola

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Posted 20 October 2012 - 08:24 PM

Hi App,

Thanks for the heads up! I'm a huge fan of Bancroft, so I'll definitely check it out. I've been able to read a few exerpts online, and I'll tell ya...what little I've read (from the book) seems to be in alignment with my thinking as of late.

I've been lurking on a few other forums lately, and it seems that there are a few running themes that I'm disturbed by.

1. It seems that if a partner does something that the other partner doesn't like, the first partner is deemed to have some kind of disorder. They're either bipolar, or abusive, or histrionic, etc. In other words, the behavior is being labeled quickly instead of understanding that not ALL negative behavior is necessarily a symptom of some kind of personality disorder.

2. Also, if a partner isn't 'perfect', you leave. There is no in-between...no recognition that maybe there's something wrong with 'YOUR' definition of what's 'healthy' and what isn't.

3. It also seems that so many people are taking the words, "We are responsible for ourselves" to heart, and negating the idea that while we ARE indeed responsible for ourselves, we also have a responsibility TOWARD others...especially our partners. Seems that more and more people are choosing to live completely separate lives from their partner, and that ANY 'togetherness' is labeled as 'emeshment' or otherwise 'unhealthy'. I've started to wonder if people are a little TOO hypervigilent regarding what is abusive...

Sorry. Just a small rant on this lovely Saturday afternoon!

Wendola

#3 maggiez

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Posted 23 October 2012 - 03:32 AM

I read both online chapters and believe it would be a good read.
If a couple wanted to save their relationship, they could if they were willing to work through the material and really make an effort. Of course, if one partner refused to try, it makes the decision to leave a little simpler.
It seems to be a format for identifying and correcting wrong thinking in a non-threatening manner; teaching a man "how to think" or process information.
I'd call it a winner.


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