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Naiomi

I filed for divorce today

16 posts in this topic

Hi all

Well after nearly 10 years of this, I have filed for divorce. I feel sad but relieved.

I really have to thank him in a way for visiting that prostitute, it gave me the 'final straw' that I know we are all looking for in an abusive relationship.

I do think though, that because he wasn't as verbally as abusive in the last year of our relationship that this is when he started looking elsewhere for 'fun'. It just goes to show that even if you don't have the abuse, it comes out in other ways.

Best wishes and hugs

Naiomi.

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Naiomi, that is fantastic news! It hurts to take that step and goes against everything we may have one time dreamed of or wanted which is what makes it such a brave and brilliant act. I am so proud of you.

This calls for a celebration! Do something nice for yourself today, you deserve it.

whisker

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Hi all

Well after nearly 10 years of this, I have filed for divorce. I feel sad but relieved.

I really have to thank him in a way for visiting that prostitute, it gave me the 'final straw' that I know we are all looking for in an abusive relationship.

I do think though, that because he wasn't as verbally as abusive in the last year of our relationship that this is when he started looking elsewhere for 'fun'. It just goes to show that even if you don't have the abuse, it comes out in other ways.

Best wishes and hugs

Naiomi.

((((((((((((((((((((((NAIOMI))))))))))))))))))))))))

brightest blessings for a peaceful Divorce and a beautiful future!

*WARM HUGS*

MG :wub: :wub: :wub:

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(((Naomi)))

Expect all sorts of emotions to surface over the next few weeks and months. In time things will settle down and you will find that life is more peaceful and happier without him.

Congratulations on taking a big step towards a brighter future.

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Naomi,

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I know that this is a difficult step but it will be so worth it. Your realization that the prostitute was abuse in another form is brilliant.

Hugs and prayers for peace for you!

Grabby

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That is a big step. Congratulations on taking it. I agree many of us wait around for a final straw or for them to cross one particular line they have not previously crossed. I know I had that final straw moment and although I had my moments of doubts and sometimes played the what if game it really was over from that moment.

I think that being unfaithful really is a form of abuse too. It is certainly displaying a lack of respect.

I do remember way back when you first started posting on that other forum. I know it has not been easy. I also know that you had to do this in your own time, in your own way, and that you could only end it when you were ready.

Reclaiming your life tends to bring a mix of joy along with any sadness and anger that the grieving what should have or could have been brings up. There is a peaceful life to be had.

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Thanks everyone!

I am very sad but I can at least now see a light in the distance.

I will get there.

Like Mary Oliver said....'Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

Naiomi x

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I am very sad but I can at least now see a light in the distance.

I will get there.

Like Mary Oliver said....'Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

Naiomi x

Though divorce is a trillion times harder than dumping a bad boyfriend I too feel the inner struggle to choose to walk in a new direction. It takes a lot of faith and determination. The first step is the choice which initiates a new path. The golden path is your ticket to anywhere that you would like to go. Always ask, what is the next step toward my dream and then take it.

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Hi everyone

Just thought I would give you an update.

Well he begged and bullied me into giving him another try, which I did for two weeks and put the divorce on hold.

The man is so entitled it is unbelievable. I was obviously still reeling from him having visited a prostitute and he got annoyed at me because I didn't feel like being intimate with him yet! The guy sulked and stomped around like a three year old. He also told me that he thought I had 'delayed post natal depression' (our son is 2!) and that is the reason why I may not be able to forgive and forget easily. Talk about adding insult to injury and blaming everyone but himself. Still what more should I have expected?

Anyway the divorce is back on and I have told him there is no way we can reconcile. I feel relieved but stressed. At least I can breathe again.

/hugs

Naiomi

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Glad you are seeing it for what it is. Maybe you needed that one last try too. He is who he is and he always will be and that includes not taking ownership of his own choices and actions.

It can take a while to totally get over the addiction to the abuser. It can also take a while to totally believe and accept that you did all you could and tried all you could and that there really was nothing you could have done to make things work because he is seriously and permanently emotionally defective. It is normal for doubts to persist for some time. It is also normal to miss and grieve for that dream of what should have and could have been.

I think the day will come when you will know without a doubt that leaving was the best thing you did for yourself.

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It's sad, but typical, too. Even when they've already had 1001 "last chances," even when they KNOW they're down to their very last, "last" chance, they can't behave like a decent human being. I think it just isn't in their DNA to be able to do so. Hold on to the memory of that two-week, lastlastlastlast, LAST chance you gave him, and don't let him fool you again.

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It's sad, but typical, too. Even when they've already had 1001 "last chances," even when they KNOW they're down to their very last, "last" chance, they can't behave like a decent human being. I think it just isn't in their DNA to be able to do so. Hold on to the memory of that two-week, lastlastlastlast, LAST chance you gave him, and don't let him fool you again.

Yup. And this is why "no contact" is brilliant. Because they always do this. (10 yrs wasn't long enough to treat you right?)

And no contact gives you the chance to hear you and get past the hoover-prone time period.

"Time will tell." I used that line all the time when ex tried to pretend he'd be so nice to me and the kids... And it DID!

Hang tough. It's a transition. But there is life on the outside. And it's awesome.

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(((((Naomi)))))

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Thanks for your support everyone :)

Can some please remind me how to do the no contact (or low contact) thing when you have kids?

/hugs

Naiomi

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No voice conversations. Let his messages go to voice mail. Better to have ALL communication via e-mail. Keep communication to "just the facts ma'am," where it regards the kids. NO discussion of your relationship. No re-hashing of who's fault it is and who deserves another chance. No contact is for YOUR benefit and for YOUR safety. It is not in your best interest to continue to allow him unrestricted access to you.

How old are the kids?

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Hi Lorelei.

Thanks for the information. I will keep reminding him to stick to the point, which he is terrible at.

I'm finding that he wants to arrange everything now, such as future contact with the kids, child support and what percentage of the equity of the house I am going to get. He is bullying me basically. I've just said it depends and at the moment I am not willing to agree to anything but I will be fair.

My children are aged 2 and 5.

Naiomi :)

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