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Naiomi

Manipulation

9 posts in this topic

Hi everyone

Well this 'man' I have married just makes me feel ill. If his encounter with the prostitute wasn't bad enough, it is his continous emotional abuse.

Before we separated last week, he told me that if he had to leave the house then he may not be able to pay for our mortgage (and default on it) and rent a place for himself. That he may have to stop working or go bankrupt. That he may not be able to see our kids again because he wouldn't be able to handle it, therefore just abandoning them. As I only work part time this did scare me initially, however I found out that if I worked a few extra hours at work then I could claim benefits that would cover the cost of looking after myself and the kids too.

So now that we have separated he came crawling to me today and said 'he didn't mean it'. That he would never abandon me or the children, nor would he go bankrupt etc. He was sorry... he should have never said those things to worry me...

He asked me today whilst he visited the kids, why I had upped my hours at work so that I can claim benefits. I said, because you told me that it was likely you wouldn't be able to look after us if we separated, so I'm looking after us now.

I mean really what did he expect me to do. To crawl back to him, to be so scared by his manipulation tactics that I would not ask him to leave?? Not anymore.

Well seriously screw you h, I can do this on my own. By trying to manipulate me it really backfired on you didn't it.

He really makes me sick and has done for a long time.

Thanks for letting me vent.

/hugs

Naiomi

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I mean really what did he expect me to do. To crawl back to him, to be so scared by his manipulation tactics that I would not ask him to leave??

Yep! I'd say you nailed that one.

Everything he says to you is an attempt, on his part, to manipulate you in SOME way to do what he wants you to do.

Thankfully, you are not suffering so badly from the FOG of abuse anymore that you fell for his manipulation :)

Bink

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That is it exactly Naiomi. It is all about trying to get back to the way things were. The way that worked very nicely for him thank you very much.

You are more than welcome to vent. That is a large part of what OP is about.

As to him making you sick for a long time I totally get that. x made me sick for a long time too yet it was still not easy to leave.

I suspect that you will see a few more manipulative tactics before this is over probably including threats. Please be careful. If I remember rightly he has been physical in the past.

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Once our eyes are opened and we see their tactics there really is no going back.

Good luck darlin' - vent away!!

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I found out that if I worked a few extra hours at work then I could claim benefits that would cover the cost of looking after myself and the kids too.

You rock, Naiomi!

Telling your obnoxious ex that you don't need him any longer is the ultimate f-word you. Good for you for taking control of your own destiny!!!

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Yes you totally CAN do it on your own! It takes courage and determination and a lot of tears, but it'll be worth it not to have that horrid man in your life. Good luck!

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Thanks everyone :)

Yes even though it has been a few weeks of high stress, I really feel like I am able to stand on my own two feet.

This is huge for me as that is what scared me the most - that I wouldn't be able to afford to look after me and the kids on my own.

/hugs

Naiomi

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Thanks everyone :)

Yes even though it has been a few weeks of high stress, I really feel like I am able to stand on my own two feet.

This is huge for me as that is what scared me the most - that I wouldn't be able to afford to look after me and the kids on my own.

/hugs

Naiomi

I think there is power and a lot of satisfaction in knowing that indeed you can.

I also think that most of us find that caring for our kids alone is way less stressful than trying to care for them while living with and dealing with an abusive partner.

I know I worried about being a single parent. After I left I realised I had been a single parent most of the time all along.

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(((((hugs)))))

Just wanted to send some support your way! You definitely CAN do this! Vent whenever you need too. Manipulation is key it seems in these relationships...I'm seeing it in SO many ways that I wasn't aware of before. It's sickening. You and your kids deserve FAR better than that!

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