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Rolly

Mad? Depressed ? Sick at heart? You bet

5 posts in this topic

I'm trying to post this and keep it short, but good heavens, were do I start?

10 years ago I left my abusive husband, got a job, got a place and carried on. (I had been working for my hubby when we split)

When I found myself dealing with other abusive people through work or simply in the neighborhood, I just let it go and stayed away from them.

Thought I had it licked. Yea right.

Fast forward to today:

Abusive CEO starts at our workplace 2 years ago and definitely did not like me..I'm like bitting on tin foil sometimes, you like me or hate me.

First she gets me out of the house I was renting from the work place, (legally). They are adding to the existing business was the excuse, that was over 1 yr ago. Hasn't happened yet.

Then in May of this year she puts me on paid suspension pending investigation. What the hell?

So 12 weeks of crying and worrying, I meet with an investigator, and he brought up something that happened a year before, the union objected at that point and he just kept on railroading on.

In a nutshell, a year ago the CEO had been wrong and had to apologize to me in front of 4 other people...I should have seen the writing on the wall at that point. She just wanted me gone.

So rather than keep battling, I took early retirement. I am 62.

 

That's not the worst part of the story. I had talked to my eldest daughter during all of this fiasco. She begged me to just move back home ( 3hours away) and just move in with her hubby and her and small son. I really asked questions, as I did not want to cause problems in their relationship or be a burden. I was only going to be on their couch for 2-3 months till I could get back on my feet and get a place. She said the whole family misses me, and never sees me. I used to work full time night shift..so I worked and slept.

Work owed me 10 weeks pay and 1 1/2 yrs of vacation pay. So a nice amount. I again asked her if things were ok with her and hubby the week before the move..I really should pay attention to my intuition.

So I move in..Holy Crap!. In 2 days I feel like I walked into the eggshell  hole in  hell. Hubby drinks nightly till 1am, goes to bed, alarms start to go off at 4 am, and I am not kidding, he had 10 alarm clocks upstairs to get him up. Then starts yelling at her that it's her fault if she doesn't get him up and he could lose his job. Wtf? Not only that, the man had 25 guns in a gun case upstairs and tons of ammo...seriously??

And that's not the worst part. Now 4 days after I move in, she tells me she is terrified of his temper, guns, violent video games, his shooting in the backyard (towards a forest) and the best part....

they are 7 months in arrears on the rent. Almost 8 months in a few days. Again wtf?

She told me she wanted this man out of her life. Were the hell do we start? I asked if we should go to a shelter? If I should go rent a house or townhouse? Nope, she wants to keep this house in the country. So in order to get her and child out of there and to safety..off we go to a hotel for 4 days and she texts him and tells him to get out.

This was a long weekend, and every day she called and he hadn't budged. I told her if she was serious about this she had to threaten to call the police. If not we had just spent a ton of my money for a really crappy 4 day holiday. So she called and he vacated with his guns and clothes. So we return to the house. It then took another month for him to show up, get his furniture, crap out of the sheds and garage. He also took the snow blower, log splitter, lawn mower and generator. Her house is heated with wood so he left her pretty well unable to survive the winter..and of course left his 7 year old son to freeze also. And blaming me for the split..seriously?

So fast forward to end of September, we got family together to split wood, and help out with a lawnmower. We still need a snow blower and generator..winter in southwestern Ontario can be cold.

We worked our butts off ( daughter & I) cleaning up the property, sheds and garage. Guy was a hoarder and a pig..tons of trash and dump runs later..clearing brush and cutting dead trees and burning his old badly made fence things and shelving units..and on and on. 

I got the rent caught up.So now my bank accounts are empty. I am not able to find a job at 62..who the hell is going to hire this broken down old woman? 

So now my credit cards have not been paid, nor line of credit..very small pension coming in and nothing else. I go to a debt counsellor and he tells me to go bankrupt! Seriously? I paid my bills on time since I was 16 years old and sent tons of cash to these kids over the years and now I have to declare bankruptcy????  I am now in a very bad corner and getting depressed fast.

So you would think  that this horror story is over..hell no!

3 days ago, she has one of her moods..and tells me that she misses her hubby. That they will start dating again!!!!.In a couple of weeks when he returns from his hunting trip.

You gotta be kidding me!! What she really means is that she misses his wallet...mine is empty.

So now I am running around like a chicken, willing to work anywere..but also having to remember I have osteoarthritis in both knees..sigh...told I you it was a horror story. 

And I am now sending emails to shelters to see if I can get in. I can't stay here if he starts to drop in. He has a bad habit of breaking stuff when he is pissed. He broke her stove by pounding in the glass top a few days before we left. Unfixable..due to price to fix . We got a 2nd hand old one to use later.

I have my bedroom set ( not set up) upstairs..we just moved it in a few days ago...before the bombshell. The rest of my "stuff" mostly clothes and dishes are at my grandson's place.

The rest of my furniture I am leaving here as he left her with her bed, sons bed, 1 dresser and a desk. So we have been using my living room, dining room, kitchen furniture and I can't leave them with nothing. Not to mention my lawn furniture, bbq and all my tools...I can't take them. I am hoping my bedroom furniture survives so I can move it ..if I ever get a job and a place to stay.

I am heartsick. Depressed and yes, I will confess I did think of harming myself just to finish this. It was a moment when I was parked in a cemetery, last weekend looking for some peace and quiet  and to be able to cry and not have people ask me what is wrong. They just assume I am mourning someone. But I am not that crazy or cowardly, so would never do that.

I feel used and abused and stupid for not seeing. And I slowly realized that my daughter is also an abuser, refuses to speak to me for 4 days now because I am not happy that she needs this relationship to start again. All I said was to meet with him have coffee and discuss their past issues so it doesn't start again.

She has accused me of being a man hater..seriously? I made peace with my ex years ago. We are civil to each other. I don't date nor did I for 10 years because I was terrified I would meet another abuser who charmed me..holy crap..I didn't see it in my own flesh and blood.

I am so stupid.

Thank you for listening/ reading this. I have no one I can talk to about this.

Rolly

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Rolly

We all do things and later regret them. I hate to hear the bad situation you are in. I have children that have disappointed me in their actions. I thought they would be more caring and understanding than they have been. It hurts when they treat us this way. My heart goes out to you.

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Thank you hoping,

I'm in such a dark place at the moment. She truly does not see how bloody selfish she has been.

I emptied my bank accounts to help her, we worked long days to clean up and organize the place, dragged my furniture that we needed from my oldest grandson's place, then last weekend when a friend helped us move my bedroom set upstairs, that's when the nonsense started. She just did not want me to stay here, only what I could provide at the time, money, furniture and back breaking work. Now, her reasons are she misses him, doesn't like me underfoot all the time, wants her space..blah blah blah.

I can't move in with my grandson, so now at this late stage of my life,after being independent, I must really on many different people and government to pull me out of this mess.

If I ever had pride, it's gone. I feel old, used up and alone.

 

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I'm sorry Rolly. I fear my daughter doing something like this. I hope I will have the strength to not let her. It's hard when you love someone who would do something like that to you.

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Oh Bennu, I hope not for your sake.

The feelings of rage, hopelessness and yes, betrayal are just roaring.

I've started to re-pack what small amount I had unpacked..lol..I laugh because my "stuff" is all over my children's and grand sons place.

I had purged everything 2x in the last year to move from a house to an apartment, then to this move. Looks like I get to get rid of more stuff.

Is God giving me a sledgehammer to the head with all of this? Seriously, what is the lesson? is there a lesson?

I'm even having doubts about my belief in God now, which I never in a million years would have thought possible. Tough to have faith and hope in the middle of this carnage.

If there is even some ideas out there..I'd love to hear them. 

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