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gone

Normal to feel weird when preparing to leave?

5 posts in this topic

I'm getting ready to leave.  I'll be going far, far away.  Totally starting over.  With little kids, all on my own.  And right now, everything is pretty calm on the home front.  Although I know I need to leave, that he will eventually act on his threats to kill me, and that I can't let the kids grow up with this escalating violence in the home, and the controlling, I feel so weird.  Like I'm the one doing some aberrant, off the wall behavior by leaving.  I can barely imagine what things will look like in my life a few months from now.  It feels like the whole world is going to totally shift its axis or something, and I'm just watching it wind up to go.  And i keep feeling the pull of the thoughts to just stay a while longer, another winter, another year.  Maybe he will mellow out. Maybe the devil I know is better for me and the kids, especially the kids, than whatever I'm about to drag them into.  What if I suck at being a parent on my own?  What if I can't support us?  I have 4 kids, been a long time since I've been in the job market.  Do you all feel this way just before you leave?  The eerie calm before the storm?  

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I think what you are feeling is normal for an abused person. I bet you are stronger than what you think. I have stayed a lot of years and I still have doubts. I would try to find some programs to help you until you can make enough money or even if you don't make enough later. Maybe, help with food by the government, an E.B.T card, H.U.D. for housing help, and there are churches where I live that give out food for the whole family if you make under a certain amount. I don't know if you can get both an E.B.T. care with money on it for food and food from the churches but you can ask. Of course this is in the United States if you live here. Since you are afraid he will kill you, I think you are making the right decision to leave. I don't think he will mellow out. I bet you will be a good parent on your own and there are also places that can help with child care. 

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He will not mellow out. And even if that were likely....at some distant point in the future... what damage is done to you and your kids in the meantime?

Growing up in an abusive household is very, very damaging to both the kids AND to you. It shapes how they see the world and what they either do, or accept as "normal," on their own.

It might help to think of this as a "secret spy mission" to get everyone to safety. But the weird surreal feeling is entirely normal. I'm having a similar one now (different circumstance) and I had to think about that, too. 

But yes, it's normal to have all sorts of conflicting feelings and the surreal, weird sense like everything is the same but utterly different and you're the only one who knows.

When I was leaving, I had to stop thinking about it and just do all the actions without thinking too much, almost like turning off my brain. It can be hard. 

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Gone.............I think Quaddie nailed it with that feeling of a "secret mission" because you have to maintain one life on the exterior while your brain is functioning on "secret" mode........and it can feel strange.  You will continue to feel this way until you are secure in your new environment and legal actions have begun.

Please keep in touch..........you are in our thoughts and prayers for safety and a clean get-away!

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Yes it's a lot to think about for sure.

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