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Hope41

Appointment tomorrow

9 posts in this topic

So I have made an appointment tomorrow to see my gp, to get a referral to see a psychologist or counsellor. I have never really spoken to anyone properly in fear that if my ex took me to court to get access to the kids it would be used against me,now they are older that's not possible now.

what do I tell my doctor? I am very embarrassed to also tell him about my mother. 

I hope I can get out of bed tomorrow, I didn't get out of bed until 12:30 today and haven't even had a shower.

bit scared of being home alone tonight as my daughter is going to work!!

 

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Hope, 

I am in the early stages of leaving my husband. He's been verbally abusive our whole marriage (14 years) and lately my daughter has started to express suicidal thoughts when he yells at her.

Anyhow, a few months ago I became really despondent. I had decided that there was no way out and my life would never be better and I'd married an abusive man and the kids would leave as soon as they could and there was no way to fix anything. Then I had a revelation. It didn't have to be that way. I could fight. 

I had never asked anyone for help before. Not really. I'd seen therapists but never really made process and never really had been willing to make real change. I have always been driven by anxiety and avoided change so had lived for so long to maintain the status quo even if me and the kids were miserable.

The turning point was calling and scheduling an appointment with my PCP. I dialed the phone a half dozen times before I had to nerve to let the call go through. When the scheduler came on and asked the reason for the appointment I said anxiety and depression. She didn't bat an eye and scheduled the appointment. I hung up the phone and sobbed. I'd never really asked for help before.

I was terrified to go to the appointment. Thought the doctor would judge me, thinking I was some crazy military spouse trying to get attention. I hinted at the abuse but didn't spell it out. I think he got it though. Told him I wanted to try therapy again and I wanted to try antidepressants. Never tried medication before. He was fantastic. Didn't judge. Asked a few questions about safety, then prescribed me the Zoloft and walked me over to behavioral health where I met the amazing nurse that works there and got the list of network therapists in my area. Found an awesome therapist from the list. 

It's been a complicated time since then, but by having the courage to ask for help from the medical system things are finally moving forward. I'm currently terrified and uncertain of the future, but one thing I know is that things are moving and for the first time in years I have hope. And I can without a doubt point to that moment I called to schedule the PCP appointment as that moment where I took control, even through my fear, and it was probably the best thing I've ever done.

And on the other hand I'm a nurse myself. As a healthcare provider I implore you not to be too embarrassed by your situation to get help. Your PCP has heard it all and then some. A request for a therapy referral shouldn't be earth shattering and they probably see it every day. You don't have to be specific. Just say you need help dealing with some family issues. But get help.

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Thank- you What Now,

i am glad you made that first step, thank you for sharing that with me, has given me confidence for tomorrow:)

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 You have been so brave .

I send an enormous hug 

Your new found courage is a credit to you .

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Thanks Tendrils :)

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((hugs))

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Tell your doctor that you're depressed (and it sounds like you are depressed) and would like a referral to see a psychologist or psychiatrist.  If he or she suggests medication to treat your depression, tell your provider you realize that some of your depression stems from your family of origin and you'd like to talk through some of those issues.  I'm not saying medication can't be helpful (it can be extremely helpful), but some docs will just prescribe anti-depressants and not refer for counseling. 

You do not have to tell him about your mother! 

Your local domestic violence center can also provide counseling or refer you to someone for counseling.  They understand abuse of all kinds and that the abuser can be a parent, sibling, child as well as a spouse/partner.

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Hi Hope, I posted in your other thread too, before I saw this one:

I'm not sure where you're located, but are you sure you need a referral for a counselor? In the US pretty much even if you're on an HMO, you don't need a referral for counseling.

In any case, if you do need a referral, you don't need to go into details or tell him it's your mother. If you need to say anything at all, you can just say there is a situation where you are being verbally and emotionally abused. You don't need to tell him who or what it is. If he pushes you, or is concerned for your safety, you can say that so far you are physically safe but you need a referral.

This is a boundaries thing, too.... knowing you don't necessarily have to justify or explain some things. You don't need to feel embarrassed, because it's your right to keep certain things to yourself, if you choose. You do not have to tell him who it is.

But I'd double-check first to see if a referral is required. If not, sometimes there are online directories in your plan that show practitioners' specialties or what they're experienced in.

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Thanks everyone xx

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