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littlebear

Hi I'm back

10 posts in this topic

I've posted on here before I got him out again in January but he is back again after it took me six months to get the courage the last time. 

Things aren't better it's the same I just read my post from last year and it's the exact same. 

He kicked off at me again the wkend and I stayed in my room and never came out it. He tried to smash up my phone this time as I had been on Facebook and was online when he woke up. 

He came up and started ranting at me told me he can get better then me and why is he with me etc etc in the only one that makes him like this I make him this angry person thag he doesn't want to be. 

I was crying I said please stop I don't want this argument but he wouldn't stop for a long time . I cried all day I was thinking of killing myself the wkend sometimes it feels like my only way out I feel worthless and I blame myself regularly. 

I don't see anyone he doesn't control who I can andcant see I just don't see anyone anymore. I lost my job I got sacked on the spot and I'm sure it's all of this that is to blame. 

He wakes me up everyday at 6 to make hi. A drink before he goes to work I've tried to tell him no sometimes he lets me off doing it but most of the time he pokes me and calls me till I get up and if I don't he starts on me so I do it to keep the peace. 

Its hard he has some good qualities sometimes but then sometimes I wish he would go out in his car and not come back horrible thoughts. 

I never wanted him to move back in he started coming over to make it work after a few wks he never left. I make him drinks when he asks I do what he says it's like I'm a slave with no thoughts to myself. 

As im not working he's got paranoid again about what I do in the day time he questions me when he's home and if calls when he's at work he asks what I'm doing to where I am. He's said he thinks I'm sleeping with someone while he's at work like that's the last thing on my mind. 

He hasn't hit me yet so far he always comes close but he never does the wkend was the closest he has got to hitting me he was punching the bed where my head was I was scared. I just tried to keep my mouth shut cos he was like a madman. 

I try to stand up to him but I can't I can't do anything :-( 

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I need to get out of this once and for all I know this I know in my heart . Everyday I live on eggshells :-( 

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You can do it.............don't beat yourself up for falling back into the abuse trap.  Make a plan...........and get out!  You know it will never get better.  

Stay safe and keep us posted........

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I'm sorry littlebear. You did it once. You can do it again. Start making your plan.

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You know what you need to do. Your story is SO emotionally abusive. It's one example after another. Work on getting a job and get out and leave him there. And then you have to cut off all contact. I know because I had to do the same. What I did was think of him as an addiction, a bad drug. And I'm weak to go back to him. I fall for the "I'm so sorry. I'll do better. I've changed. blah blah blah" When you cut off contact, all that ends. It's hard at first but gets easier with time.

It feels just like any addiction. You crave him at first. You think you can have a little (a phone call, a little visit). The next thing you know you're back in all the way. And just like a drug, he's bad for you. Mine is too. I blocked him on all social media. I blocked his friends too. 

Your man FORCED his way back in. That's what they do! They are mega manipulative. If you CRACK the door open they come BUSTING back in! Don't blame yourself and beat yourself up over it. Learn from it. This is what he does! You need to have strong boundaries and expect his manipulation. No contact is the easiest way to deal with them. They are beyond crafty! And if you go no contact, they get crafty and use your friends and family to get to you. Just a heads up! Because they NEED to manipulate you and you are making it hard for him.

Yes he has good qualities. Yes you had good times. They all do! But ask yourself; does the bad outweigh the good? No abuser is bad 100% of the time. You have enough material in this short summary to make a sound decision. Don't end your life! There can be good days ahead. I'm proof of that. Dig in and fight for your freedom! Good luck! 

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Make a plan and go. He's so dangerously abusive.

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Plan your escape and don't look back. The soon the better and those ugly hurt feeling will get better. 

 

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I'm really sorry I didn't reply back I don't get much time to myself.  

He's been ok since the episode but he's never 100% normal all the time. I'm scared of him I hope one day I get the courage to go. 

As awful as it sounds he's handsome and funny and in public he's so Charming everyone says what a nice man he is. I feel like it's me sometimes they all think he's wonderful and I know there's women wanting to take my place too because he's good looking and has a good job and looks like a family man and deep down I think I don't want him to meet someone 'better'like he says he will and find happiness I don't want him to be happy. 

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What if there is that handsome, funny, and not scary guy waiting for you?  

Do you really think he will find happiness away from you?  Since I have been divorced (3 years) my ex appears to be happy on the outside but for some darn reason people like to tell me what's he's up to.  I swear, once a week someone will come up to me and say "I saw Weasel yesterday at ..."  or "I think I saw Weasel drinking at blah, blah, blah."  Luckily God has kept me from him since mediation except one time I saw him on a corner when I was driving. Lord my radar went off!!!  I sensed he was there.  He is on an emotional rollercoaster (I am too) and still single.  I have heard that he is drinking again but I don't know for sure.  Something I actually do not wish for him because it could kill him.  He has no shut off switch with alcohol really and already has a host of problems from drinking in his 20's.  Even if he was in a relationship he will do the same things to her that he did to me.  He will never change but by the grace of God.

I have learned the same about other people.  Friend leaves abusive man.  Abusive man finds new woman.  Abusive man abuses new woman.  It takes a while to realize these things but abusers never change.  They may change tactics but they are still abusing others.  I have seen this sooooo much in the past three years with people I know and talk to on a weekly basis.

IMO you are better off leaving for good, having a crappy time for a while, realizing that life is actually a lot better now and then integrating yourself into a new life free of abuse and the option to choose what you want your life to contain.  I have been up and down a lot since I left and I'm finally making those choices for myself.  Meetup.com is my favorite friend right now.  I don't really even want to date.  It would be nice after 3 years of being single but I'm having fun making new friends and having new experiences.  I poured a concrete floor this morning and I'm pretty darn proud of myself!  I found a meetup group for people who like to travel who are single.  Now that I will have more money coming in (finally) I can do that.  

If you make those right choices after you leave (I did not, but that was the path I had to travel) you will be off to an awesome new life quickly!  We all have our path and a different time frame for things but do you really want to live in misery?  That's why I got out.  I was sick of the misery.  It was making my body sick.  My body is still sick but hopefully soon that is going to change.

Much love sister.  We all support you in whatever you choose.

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You have to "demote" the way you think of him. He is NOT a catch. Inside that handsome exterior is a gross awful interior. I'm a sucker for a pretty face too. My ex is handsome, has a good job, owns his own home outright, and since he manipulated our adult child to live with him, he looks like the family man and me the awful parent who the child doesn't want to live with. He LOOKS GOOD! He's even lost weight and toned up.

But he's a horrible man who took everything in the divorce leaving me nothing. I didn't even get the dog. He won over our child with LIES. He's abusive in many ways and I pity any woman who gets with him. This is the way you need to think of him. LET some poor other woman have him! She'll be calling you in the future like my sister experienced. Her ex's new woman called her because he seemed so perfect she couldn't figure out why my sister left him. My sister gave her an earful. She didn't heed the warning. After they married and she was trapped with a new child and no employment she called my sister back and said, "OH I see it now. I should have listened to you." 

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