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Fluffyflea

I've made a horrible mistake......

9 posts in this topic

I said in a previous post about the money on my birthday and this letter beseeching me to let him help me so I thought about it for a couple of days.

And then I stupidly decided to accept the offer.

And then I stupidly unblocked him for texting on my cell phone to let him know I had accepted the offer and he hasn't left me alone all afternoon.

So I think I'll have to reject the offer.

Its like he thinks we are going to reconcile,he says we're having problems no WE BROKE UP!!!!

He said he hasn't opened the envelope with the keys I sent back to him two months ago.

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Oh yes. No, you haven't made a mistake. You can re-block him and return it and get your own self-ness back again.

Really, the very very best thing you can do for your own health is to not look at anything he gives or says or sends, just blockade it all out of your life like he's the enemy throwing grenades into your castle wall....because that's exactly what he's doing.

 

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Reblock him.  Contact with him is not worth any amount of money.  It is not a simple gift to help you out-it comes with many strings.

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He hasn't even opened the envelope that I sent back with his house keys in it.

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1 hour ago, Fluffyflea said:

He hasn't even opened the envelope that I sent back with his house keys in it.

For one thing, he may be lying. For another - you sent him back the envelope. That's it, done, finished, wipe your hands of it. What he does with it now doesn't have any impact on you or your life...    but to think and wonder about it has negative impact on you.  

Really, the more separated you can become from him - and from what he does, or doesn't do - the healthier and better you will feel.

 

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You didn't make a mistake. You're learning. If you crack open the door of contact they come BUSTING through and he has proven that. It's actually more proof that he is toxic. It's not too late to return the gift and say you've changed your mind. Keeping it is INVITING him back into your life and your business and as Percolate said, it comes with strings. 

And I agree with Quaddie on this. Quote: "Really, the more separated you can become from him - and from what he does, or doesn't do - the healthier and better you will feel."

This was hard for me to quit THINKING about what he's doing, or thinking, or planning! I STILL do it somewhat. I worry he's stalking me. But try to stay busy doing other things and with other people to keep your mind from wondering about him all the time. This is what has worked for me. 

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I guess I'm shocked at how he's just ignoring the initial event that ended everything and just thinks if he throws enough my way things will be deflected and forgotten about. And again he won't be responsible......

 

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He won't be responsible... he's going to ignore (or pretend to ignore). Those are his stripes, and he is a zebra. 

Abusers' minds do not operate the way that "typical" people's do. It can drive you nuts trying to make it fit into a "normal" type of framework. His behaviors and the way his brain works is never going to be not-weird, not-shocking. 

So the only way to prevent damage to your own self is to practice stepping outside of it mattering to you. The fact of it mattering to you keeps you tied to him. It's really hard to disconnect from it.... it takes practice and time. But the first step, I think, is to try to wean the self off of expecting "normal" from these folks. The sooner you can really, really internally grasp that he's not going to behave the way a normal person might, the sooner it will stop having this shock value and it will give you those parts of your energies and mind back. 

This is why no contact is so incredibly important. It really cannot be stressed enough. Any little slip into a crack or a crevice will be damaging to you. 

(Remember also the "ignoring or pretending to ignore"...remember that they are alllllllllll about control and manipulation. It's a tactic. Any thought that starts with "he thinks" or "he won't" is trying to apply "normal" onto him, which is bound to just be frustrating and painful for you...)

 

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You can't fix stupid. Who cares about his keys. They also sometimes grow a beard and ask for lots of attention. The less contact the better. If he is lying and gaslighting others. It keeps you out of the mix. It is important to keep your distance so he can not make a bigger mess of your life. They scheme and if your alway seen at the center of contact they can try and make the stuff look as if your the one doing it when your not. 

Block him! 

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