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Fluffyflea

Anger.......

5 posts in this topic

Today has been an angry day.

I guess it will take time work through all of the anger.

 

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You have every right to be angry. It's an important and healthy part of healing, though it doesn't feel pleasant. :(

And yep, it can take time to work through it. 

What helps you work through those feelings? When I'm angry, I clean a ton, lol. Or journal. Anything that will help give me some sort of outlet for the anger I'm feeling.

(((fluffyflea)))

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Oh yes............we can relate!  Whitebutterfly cleans when she's angry...........I loved to purge crap that he left behind or I never wanted in the first place...........I loved hauling all of it to the dump in the back of the truck and paying my $30 to get rid of it.  I went through old photos and mentally made the decision on each that had my abuser in it as to whether or not I wanted to remember that memory ever again...........I threw away pounds and pounds of food he had hoarded and gone bad.......each time I said out loud "I don't need this any more and I don't want it in my house!"  It was empowering and exhausting and sometime I cried and sometimes I cursed him and sometimes I did both.  

I prayed and studied my bible and cried and pleaded for God to not allow my abuser to have that kind of influence over another woman again.......to protect the woman and her family that he had replaced me with.  I watched romance movies and told my cats that I loved them and it was OK to be alone and free and safe.............they didn't understand but it didn't matter.

It's been 13 months now..........I still have some anger, but I am so glad to be alone and safe and sane and have peace in my home.

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I still feel guilty too. It's part of it. But he treated you really badly and it's OK to save yourself. You didn't leave a "healthy" relationship. You had to leave because it was toxic and killing you slowly. And leaving is the brave and healthy thing to do! You did good! 

If you're like me you probably have people in your ear telling you you've done the wrong thing, didn't try hard enough, and crap like that. But those people didn't live in your house! YOU did! They don't know what they are talking about. They don't know about narcissists and abusers the way we now do. You have more experience than them so shed their words. Reject that. You're smarter than them in this regard and you know what you experienced better than them. They mean well but they are in the dark. Trust yourself and live in your truth. 

We are conditioned to think about "the abuser" 100% of the time and of course leaving them "hurt" them so that doesn't feel good. But you didn't leave TO hurt him. I LOVE the lyrics to this song. Harry Connick Jr. and Michael Buble do it best. 

"Cry Me A River"
 

Now you say you're lonely
You cry the whole night through
Well, you can cry me a river, cry me a river
I cried a river over you

Now you say you're sorry
For being so untrue
Well, you can cry me a river, cry me a river
I cried a river over you

You drove me, nearly drove me out of my head
You never shed a tear
Remember, I remember all that you said
Told me love was too plebeian, told me you were through with me

And now you say you love me
Well, just to prove you do
Come on and cry me a river, cry me a river
I cried a river over you
 
 
 
 

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