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hoping

This is where I am at

5 posts in this topic

After reading in a book I have that there is a chance I could get my disability taken away if I ask to take my payee off, I have decided that I am not going to take that chance. If I decide to separate or divorce, I will do it anyway and hope he will put my money in my account. I really don't want to go to a shelter, so I am hoping to find a low income place to rent. I have been researching it, and have found where I want to apply.

 

 

 

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I don't know what book that is but I wouldn't give it 100% trust. Being on disability and being able to manage your own money are two very different things. 

It's kind of insane that people are snowing you and giving you the runaround like this, in my opinion. Hoping - my daughter was brain injured and she was able to win her own conservatorship back. You're not brain-injured. Billions of people have depression. Just because a person can't work doesn't mean they can't manage their own money. 

Is there ANYONE ELSE you would rather have with your money? Maybe if you really don't feel you can regain your control over YOUR money - you could then request a change of conservator because you don't want your husband having complete physical and financial control over you? That'd be a fair request. Is there ANYONE else you'd rather have with that responsibility? (Preferably someone who would then sign off back to you later?) 

In the meantime - get copies, take pics of and save, or keep the stubs of every payment - or a record of every.single.deposit - that belongs to you. Keep that very clearly documented. You should also, I'm guessing, be able to get a statement from the issuing body. Keep that documentation. You don't need to "hope." That money is yours. 

Keep moving forward anyway but please know you're not helpless and try not to let things here and there you might hear deter you from your path. They might not even be right. They might not be in the same context. They're just fluffs of dust. K?

So if you haven't seen a lawyer about this - the whole thing - divorce, your money, etc. - it would be great to be able to find out your rights. They are probably two different kinds of lawyers, but a divorce attorney would be able to tell you about how your money would be regarded within the marriage. You can do more than hope he will give you the money. You can find out facts and document everything that's yours and then, when push comes to shove, demand it. And it will be your right.

 

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Quaddie gives good advice.  One of the first things that most abusers do is remove your access to money.  It's very unlikely that he'd deposit your money in a bank account that you have access to.  It's just one more way of controlling you.

Definately talk to the shelter (they often have lawyers) and a lawyer.  Depression alone does not make you unable to manage your own money, nor does being on disability make you unable to manage your own money.

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hoping,

I know that when I was first making plans to leave my ex, each tiny step filled me with anxiety. Reading something negative in a book would certainly have been plenty to get me to change course. Each step was so difficult to take. I had to fight against that anxiety and do it anyway. My ex's gaslighting had taken over my my thinking. I had so much doubt about every little thing. Think about whether that might be happening to you.

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Thank you all for your advise. I am thinking about what you said and keeping it in mind. The latest psychiatrist I talked to said that she would see me for a fee and she would have to talk to my family to see what they say about me. I told the secretary that I had changed my mind. So far the free places I could go only have Nurse Practitioners that would see me for the medication.  I may call again and ask if a Nurse Practitioner could sign the paper after seeing me.

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