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HeartbrokenDad

I've got to tell someone.

11 posts in this topic

Hello everyone. I greet you and share my love and support for your pain and your suffering. I recently discovered my poor child had been abused by a family member. It has been hell in that the abuser has passed away, and there is no one to talk to. Last night I stayed up and wrote this poem about my experience. I share it because I need to get my feelings out, but I hope that in some small way a shared experience may help someone else. I'd love to hear any thoughts or advice on how to help her. (She is getting wonderful counseling).

Beside the Fire

Beside the fire I set my baby down to drive back the chill
the black night was cold and I bade her stand still
I turned my back on her and the vicious red coal
A split second was I gone - then her cry pierced my soul

I've never felt fear like I did on that night
I've never felt numb and burned by such fright
I cursed myself a fool as I plunged my hands in
to the place where, her tiny body had been
desperately searching her small form for the pain
where the cruel heat had scorched in the fire where she'd lain
Desperation and relief waged a war deep inside
But finding no harm I hugged her, and cried.

Through the years I've watched my lovely girl grow
and often I've thought of that night long ago
when careless and reckless and thoughtless my act
could have changed her whole life with tragic impact

Through school and religion
and oft times indecision
We did the best that we could
taught her to act as she should
for life to be happy and carefree
and to brush off a scraped knee
I thought her life was serene
but the truth was obscene

I plucked my baby from the arms of the fire
and placed her in the hands of my very own sire
though she was free from the fires painful embrace
dangerous and sinister and dark was the place
where I trusted my baby for comfort and care
but instead to my horror, found the devil was there

Now I see wounds too painful to mend,
the pain in her eyes, the despair without end
Oh God above; why are you so cruel?
this child was my life not for your whim just a tool
To he whom I loved from my beginning to his end
with my whole heart, my father my friend
I know you loved me but it felt like you lied
after I mourned you the truth felt like *I* died

And now left to wander, feeling lost and alone
in the garden of her life dark seeds have been sown.
 

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Thank you for your beautiful and painful poem...............I wish my XH could have felt this for his own daughter who suffered sexual abuse at the hands of his own father as a little child......but all he did was deny, avoid, and say "it really wasn't that bad.............it's not like he raped her...........if my mother hadn't been so cold in bed he wouldn't have done this........."

With love and support, your beautiful child can lead a life that is more than the past..........and I thank you, on behalf of my step-daughter, for believing her and standing with her and loving her without question.

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((((((((((((((Hugs to you and your child))))))))))))))

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Very touching...  i can feel the betrayal

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((hugs))

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5 hours ago, lizzibethak said:

Thank you for your beautiful and painful poem...............I wish my XH could have felt this for his own daughter who suffered sexual abuse at the hands of his own father as a little child......but all he did was deny, avoid, and say "it really wasn't that bad.............it's not like he raped her...........if my mother hadn't been so cold in bed he wouldn't have done this........."

With love and support, your beautiful child can lead a life that is more than the past..........and I thank you, on behalf of my step-daughter, for believing her and standing with her and loving her without question.

This is so pertinent, thank-you so much. At times I want to find reasons and excuses for his actions, and like your experience it wasn't literal rape, and I know there were marital problems, as well it's very possible that he was suffering some mild dementia. In the end, none of it really matters, as the only one I am concerned about now is my daughter and her mental health, and her perception of what actually happened is the only important point of view.

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4 hours ago, Fluffyflea said:

((((((((((((((Hugs to you and your child))))))))))))))

 

2 hours ago, Quaddie said:

Very touching...  i can feel the betrayal

 

1 hour ago, Bennu said:

((hugs))

Thank-you all!

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((((Hugs)))) to you and your child.

What a horror for your poor daughter and for you.

Since you have believed her, validated her and support her, that will make a huge difference.  She has so much more than many kids who are abused and whose parents blame or disbelieve the kid.  She obviously trusts you, since she told you.

I was sexually abused as a child.  I want you to know that people can and do recover and can find ways to cope and thrive.

If it's possible, therapy would probably be good (for both of you).  

You sound like a good dad who wants to help his daughter, which is probably exactly what she needs now.

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Hi HeartbrokenDad

That is a huge betrayal of trust.

Just wondering if your daughter has support of has had any counseling to help her deal with what was done to her? There are some good groups out there for people who have been victims of sexual abuse.

You are welcome here.

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5 hours ago, Curly said:

Hi HeartbrokenDad

That is a huge betrayal of trust.

Just wondering if your daughter has support of has had any counseling to help her deal with what was done to her? There are some good groups out there for people who have been victims of sexual abuse.

You are welcome here.

Thanks for your reply. Yes she does have some great counseling I'm very grateful for. It's a hard and to be honest a really weird process. Basically we have been counselled to just leave her alone, not interfere with however she chooses to heal. I have a hard time doing this because she chooses to spend entire days on her phone (not talking) or watching Youtube. I want to get her out of the house or be with friends but she has no interest. I feel like her youth has been stolen from her.

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In addition to counseling, please make sure she is seeing a good medical provider who has experience treating those with sexual abuse issues.  Depending on her age, she may need anti-depressants for a period of time to help move through the healing process along with the counselling.............

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