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Vampydoll

I'm back and stuck in a rut

5 posts in this topic

I haven't been able to post lately because of lack of privacy if you get my drift.

 

I have no answers, just complaints and wonder why some people can make other people's lives so miserable?  Especially when they don't deserve it.

2 weeks ago my Uncle Joe and Godfather as well, died.  Everybody got nice-nice because of his death so family I hadn't seen in 2 years were at the viewing and at the funeral.

I had to take my significant other or I should say insignificant other to the viewing and all through the tears and hugs with family members and seeing my poor uncle lying in a casket and he had wasted away to just about nothing so they had to pad up his suit, I get home, emotionally exhausted and then I get bitched at.

He tells me I was rude not to introduce him to the people in the room. Can't I do anything right?  And why didn't I introduce him?  BECAUSE HE LEFT THE ROOM AND WENT AWAY!  What was I supposed to do? Take each family member by the hand into the lobby of the funeral home and say "this is my wonderful husband?"  I had to make excuses for him which I found embarrassing.  HIs anti-social behavior people wanted to know why he was sitting all by himself in the lobby of the funeral home.  I told them he didn't understand our religion.  We are Christian and he is jewish but that's not really the issue.  I had been to a few jewish funerals.  They are not much different!

So this went on for hours at home.  Funny thing was:  I didn't know all these people myself.  They were strangers to me as my uncle had many friends and they had friends and relatives that came from other states.  Everyone was awkward and I think that's to be expected but I got blamed for not introducing him to all the people.  Even the ones I didn't know myself.

 

An argument ensued and didn't I just need this when the funeral was the next morning?  Bad enough my uncle died but this animal has to make things worse.  Just thought I would went.

I have read some of your stores.  God!  wish I had answers.  I can't even help myself.

 

Vampydoll

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I am sorry for your loss Vampydoll. You don't need answers to be here. Commiseration and validation is very helpful. Realizing that I wasn't alone helped me gain strength to go.

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You can't win. Either way, he'll make you "wrong."

And it's all about him, of course. It's not about your family's loss. It's about him.  (In his head.)

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There is never a 'you'. There is only a 'him'. 

You could say the most innocuous thing "I'm not feeling the greatest, today", and what you get back is, "i have a bad back, i'm so tired, the dog is driving me nuts, why didn't you take/buy/do >>blank<<". There isn't a lot, if ever, any validation of your feeling in a given situation. 

I'm sorry for your losses, so close together. That's rough. 

And if we all had answers for ourselves there'd be no need to reach out to people, and we can't really live like that. We're here to help each other. Whether we go, stay, are up or down. :)

 

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Thank you so much for everyone's kind words.  They mean a lot to me and make me understand exactly how the "male" mind works.  LOL

 

Ran into my cousin that he saw at the funeral yesterday in the mall.  She said "Hi" and kept going.  Now he's complaining he doesn't know who she is!  He just saw her at the funeral for 2 days in a row.  And I got bitched at again and just blew it off.  As you say "you can't win."  And you know something?  I'm not trying to win either.

 

 

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