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BlurryFace

Why Don't I Understand?

11 posts in this topic

I'm only 17, but this life has given me alot in this short span. As I do completely understand that my situation isn't "as bad" as others it is still difficult to go through and to understand. When I was 14 I entered my highschool with a full heart and high expectations- when I left I just wanted it to end. So what could have happened between all that to change this outcome? I wish I could say "typical teen stuff" but unfortunately...that's not what happened in the end. I was in marching band for 4 years in high school, it was my passion! I had it all, awesome friends, some talent to work with and a great teacher- or so I thought. My teacher was the most respected man in the school according to all of us idiotic teenagers, I think I respected him the most. That all changed December 26th when I woke up to my parents questioning me about what happened and why. Of course I didn't quite understand everything was still blurry, I had developed a slight alcohol problem due to my depression that I had already been sent off once for. Soon the situation became clear though, my teacher had texted me knowing very well that I was intoxicated and had manipulated me into sending inappropriate nude pictures of myself. To say I was destroyed would be an understatement, my parents were so scared they had no idea what to do so after talking to close family friends we notified the police. The next Wednesday the teacher, whom I thought was my best friend, was arrested. The day he was arrested was the day I had to go to my psychiatrist and was sent off once more for suicidal thoughts. When I got back I was surrounded by a whole school of people trying to figure out who the girl was that this loved teacher got in trouble with. I'll never forget how they said it though, "who is the slut that got him in trouble?" And that's when I knew...it was all my fault. I was surrounded by that talk for seven days or so before I made my first attempt at suicide, I had taken at least 35 of my antidepressants. Of course it didn't work and the E.R. sent me back to a psych ward. I just remember my thoughts during that time, "why me", "why did I do this to him- to everyone, it's all my fault" just horrible thoughts. Now a few months later I do understand, sort of, that it's not my fault. The cops and my therapist all say that he had been "grooming" me since freshman year to lead up to this. The cops also said this wasn't his first time and that other girls were involved. So now I find myself in a legal battle against him, he has not yet been arrested and what's worse is he has a wife and three kids, one of which is a new born baby. He's been arrested twice but bailed out each time. So now...I'm not sure what to think. What should I think? Is it my fault? Is this THAT bad? Should we even be arresting him? I just don't understand.

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My goodness. I am so sorry. I am glad that you found us here. I am so sorry that you have been put into a situation where you need to. It's not your fault. It is that bad. Other girls need to be protected from this teacher. He may do a lot of good, but this kind of bad ruins lives. It is great evil.

Please keep going to your psychiatrist and get all the help you can. It is not your fault at all. How could it be? You are 17. He is a sexual predator. You will need so much support through this legal battle. I hope that you can find it. I think that often targets in these situations are those who don't have good family support which is why they get targeted in the first place. People with good healthy relationships in their families would share what's going on with their family members and the teacher would get in trouble before it got that far.

Will your parents let you go to another school next year? They should. That isn't a good environment for you now. I don't know what grade you are in, but going to community college can be a good choice. You can take the GED, or the HSA as it's called now. They have courses in community college that make up for things not taken in high school.

You got betrayed by an adult who should have had your best interests at heart and instead he only wanted to satisfy his own twisted desires. I am very sorry.

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It is absolutely not your fault! And it's not unusual that well-loved teachers prey on female students. It was bad and yes he deserves to be arrested!

Please get help and hopefully find a way to finish school some place else.

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You were taken advantage of by an older man that you admired. In fact he had a whole team of admirers who will now stand up for him instead of you. That's how abusers work...........so believe this: IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. IT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT. HE IS AN ABUSER WHO NEEDS TO BE BROUGHT TO JUSTICE. HE HIDES WHO HE REALLY IS FROM EVERYONE SO THEY THINK HE'S MR. PERFECT.

As a 17 year old, your "job" is to take care of you and to get healthy physically, emotionally and spiritually. It's your "job" to continue school and realize your dreams.

I wish I could wrap my arms around you and give you a warm and healing hug........so this will have to do. :hug005:

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He took advantage of you....he's a grown man..with a wife and kids! Not to mention a professional who is TOLD professional boundaries!

You are also not the only one he has done this too.

We are all human and we make mistakes, you were definitely 'groomed' and were under the influence of alcohol. Please do not let it ruin the rest of your life.

I had a suicide attempt when I was 16 and I have since moved on from then...

We are all always here for you, please do not blame yourself X X X

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I'm new here too, BlurryFace. And I'm sad you found this place, but I hope to be of some comfort. Everyone here has offered such sage advice. Wonderful advice and wonderful caring. And all I can offer is my empathy.

I too was groomed by a teacher. It was a long time ago.

Someone like your teacher will seem very charismatic and nice. Generous and giving. And often, most people will not know that he's a criminal. People will say and do things like what you're experiencing by trying to lay the fault on you. It's really not your fault. But it hurts when you question your own culpability. it makes you feel crazy because you're not sure what you did or didn't do. But you're not crazy. You're really not. You're perfect. Trust me. Between that teacher and some people in society, they will do a lot of things to make you question yourself. And I understand that all too well. And I know you don't know me, but as someone who is now on the other side of a trial and many, many years of therapy, you really are perfect. You did nothing wrong. You are strong. I can tell. You are so smart. I can tell that too. And you're full of heart. Nothing and no one can change that. Wish I could hug you.

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I was 14 when the internet became really popular. I hung out in AOL chatrooms and flirted with MUCH older men. I was young and curious and confused and didn't know about predators. Even if I had I would have told myself I was smart enough to know better. I was looking for validation for someone to tell me I was pretty while all I felt was ugly and you know what? Now that I'm in my 30's I realize that I was just a confused kid and all those older men who KNEW that I was 14 had a serious problem. It wasn't my fault and this isn't your fault. I'm glad I didn't go through high school with cell phones. I can't imagine how much harder it is. You are not to blame. Other kids might be mean and confused. You are still not to blame no matter what.

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I was sexually assaulted by an older man whom i looked up to.

For so long i blamed myself.

He was never arrested, he got away with it and it haunts me to think he is free, probably doing this to other girls who look up to him.

It is important for you to know that it is NOT your fault. You were taken advantage of. Please do not blame yourself. You have done the right thing as you said, it seems he has a severe problem. I know legal battles are draining, but stay strong beautiful girl. You are doing the right thing. You are not at fault. Keep telling yourself this please. Dont let him win. You got this girl. Im so sorry youve had to go through this. Feel free to message me if youre needing support!

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Welcome so glad you are here. He manipulated you and when you grow up you have a responsibility to set boundaries with fragile teens. He understands what he is doing.  

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Blurryface

Welcome and so sorry for your situation. Lots of hugs.....

When I was a teenager, my dad was emotionally and verbally abusive and my mother was mentally ill. I didn't feel safe to talk to either one about myself or my problems. I had some friends, but they didn't make up for the parenting I wanted or needed. I remember thinking about an older man and how it would have been so easy for me to end up in a sexual relationship with him. I think some of this was due to the fact that I wanted an older person to trust and feel secure around. I am thankful that I wasn't able to have a relationship with him. These men are older and more mature and know so much more about life then teenagers do. This is why it is not fair for the teenager, they can use their knowledge to manipulate, seduce, and control. This man is the adult and knew what he was doing and it wasn't good or fair for you. These people are good at showing their good side, so they can fool us and others too. I am sad to hear how the others have blamed you. It is not your fault. I hope someday they will learn and understand about people like your teacher and that they are at fault. I am so glad their wasn't internet or cell phones when I was young. I am afraid I would have made even more bad decisions. Please don't let this situation make you feel less about yourself. I hope someday you will be able to look back and say," I was just a normal teenager, it wasn't me, it was him."

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Hey, your feelings are valid and what he did to you is wrong. As the adult, it is his responsibility to set boundaries and act appropriately no matter what. It is not your fault, has never been and will never be your fault.

You deserve better than this. 

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