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Staceylee

Here we go !!

3 posts in this topic

So, my name is Stacey and I can't believe im at a point of joining a forum like this, I've just ended a very very emotionally abusive relationship of 3 years to a man who i share a child with.

The signs were early on, we'd always argue, he'd always threaten to 'not come see me' if he was angry.

It didn't start going downhill until I fell pregnant, I got suicide threats if I didnt abort, you name it , he said it. I chose to go through with the pregnancy and he left, eventually because I chased him he came back, he would leave again when I was 29 weeks pregnant and again he'd come back.. Fast forward to my daughter being 7 weeks old he decides to tell me he has a son 3 months older then our child, this broke me but somehow what he did was my fault and I needed to let it go?? I couldn't but I stayed, I was weak. For the next year and a half I would be exposed to threats to leave, him packing his bags over the smallest reasons and everything I mean EVERYTHING was my fault, I caused every issue between us.

I gave this man everything, I would cook for him, clean for him, let him rest when he got home from work, raise his child without asking for help, I never got a break Id always have to be on my game, he'd get breakfast made every single day. But somehow I wasn't good enough to be treated as equal to him.

He'd run off every Sunday to spend time with his son at the mothers house and I had to accept nothing was happening between them, how do I believe that? I couldn't.

Anyway, I recently before leaving had a pregnancy scare and the suicide threats came again, he said he couldn't ve with me if I chose 'that thing' , the breaking point for me was walking down the street with our child crying and him speaking to me like I was nothing, watching me cry and not caring at all..

Without him I am happy but I am struggling to find answers, ones deep down I know I will never get from him, I feel worthless that I could be so great to someone and have all this thrown in my face for power over me, I have discussed with him and have been told pretty much he isn't in the wrong.

Im hoping this forum can help me find peace within myself by you sharing how you overcome abuse? I could go on forever about what I've endured from him but I don't want to ramble on, I want to move forward find a love both myself and my little girl deserve.

Any tips would be most welcome!

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Hi Staceylee and welcome.

Firstly I will move your post to the Main Forum as you are more likely to get responses there.

From what you have written I gather you already understand there is no real future with this man and that he is not capable of being a real partner for you and probably not much in the way of a father to his child either.

If you can access counseling I think that would be something to do for yourself. Not couples counseling as that is something that just does not work where abuse is part of the equation. Counseling can help you sort things out and help you to believe in yourself.

You are right that you won't get any answers from him. Even if he wished to answer he most likely lacks the insight to be able to explain why he abuses you. For understanding I think that Lundy Bancroft's book "Why Does He Do That?" explains things very well.

The suicide threats really are emotional blackmail. I think the best thing you can do when he makes suicide threats is to not respond but to call emergency services on him. It takes the power of his threat away. By having emergency services check on him may be enough for him to decide that suicide threats are not a great idea.

If you feel you are not safe please contact your local domestic violence services for help.

Please remember the problem is not you. His behaviour has nothing to do with you but is about his own flaws and issues. You deserve to be treated with love and respect at all times. You do not deserve abuse.

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Honey...he is *not* a man worth chasing.

Let that piece of dirt going. To be blunt? Don't bring him back. Don't chase him. Don't be with him.


You deserve better.

If you can't believe that *you* deserve better, than I know you can at least believe that your child definitely does.

He is not a good influence for your child, and he is not doing you any favors.

Have you considered any professional help? Honestly, my counselor has told me that he's not yet met a single soul that he didn't believe wouldn't benefit from counseling--even the supposed "happily married" or "I've got it all going for me" individual needs someone to simply listen to them while they talk. To help do inventory in their brain, and help them identify and toss out the garbage. To replace it with the truth about their value and worth.

That is how I've been battling the lies and demons in my head that are deeply rooted since childhood and merely expanded over the past 4 years.

Counseling.

Talking and getting it out.

*Listening* to truths.

Finding myself, learning to love myself the way I deserve to be loved, and not settling for *anyone* who treats me otherwise.


Welcome Staceylee....you've found a safe, supportive place that will help you. We all have been through our own versions of hell, and we are all warriors who will help one another overcome.

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