• Announcements

    • Curly

      Replying to PMs

      Please note that you can not reply to a personal message by replying to the notification email. Recently admins have received some email responses to personal messages. This is because some members have replied to the notification email. You can not reply to a personal message via the email. What replying to the notification email does is send a copy of the original message and the reply to the admin email address. It does not send your reply to the person who sent you the message. The email notification of the personal message does request "PLEASE DO NOT REPLY DIRECTLY TO THIS EMAIL!"
    • Curly

      New Members and validating your account.

      New members registering please do not hesitate to contact our admin if you do not see a validation email within a few minutes of registering. Yahoo and some other email addresses tend to block the validation email and without this part of the process your account remains in limbo. Our admins are more than happy to help you complete the validation process should this automated system fail. We can be contacted via admin.our.place@gmail.com Please note that you may experience a delay between registering your account and validating before you are able to post as we do also manually process all registrations to keep this forum free of spam. Your account should be activated within 24 hours of you completing the validation process. Thank you.
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
Fluffyflea

Are they insecure?

15 posts in this topic

I know they are the most selfish,self centered people on the planet these Narcissistic,Cluster B personality disordered, abusers but are they insecure?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Mine sure is.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

How does it manifest itself?

Mine sure is.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, probably, but it's not like you can "fix" the abuse by shoring them up and "fixing" their insecurities.

(Plus they would probably try to put the responsibility for their insecurities onto you.)

In the end, I think it's a slippery slope to start considering the abuser's insecurities, or thinking of them as insecure. It tends to keep one "guilted in" to the relationship, pulls at the heart feeling sorry for them and trying to help them while they drag you down into their pit and stomp you and bury you with their dirt.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wasn't asking because I want to shore up any insecurities or fix anything or that I feel guilted into the relationship.

I was asking from the viewpoint of just wanting to know.

Yes, probably, but it's not like you can "fix" the abuse by shoring them up and "fixing" their insecurities.

(Plus they would probably try to put the responsibility for their insecurities onto you.)

In the end, I think it's a slippery slope to start considering the abuser's insecurities, or thinking of them as insecure. It tends to keep one "guilted in" to the relationship, pulls at the heart feeling sorry for them and trying to help them while they drag you down into their pit and stomp you and bury you with their dirt.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I meant "you" in the general "you" sense. Not "you" personally.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My husband is abusive and has some narcissistic traits, but does not have full fledged NPD.

He is insecure about some things and at certain times.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Not being able to handle me being better at him at anything. Making me quit anything where that is the case. Trying to undermine my confidence at anything where that is the case. Needing constant praise and reassurance.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, okay makes sense. That's what I live.

Not being able to handle me being better at him at anything. Making me quit anything where that is the case. Trying to undermine my confidence at anything where that is the case. Needing constant praise and reassurance.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Mine couldn't figure out why my co-workers and friends thought I was so nice...........he told me I wasn't being honest with them about how I treated him and that was why they liked me and not him............sheesh...............never mind that he was inappropriate with my female friends and didn't like being around men (no stroking of his ego, no praise, no reassurance from them).

They are insecure like a 3 year old...........they have never formed a healthy personality and are stuck as a needy, demanding, self-centered, tantrum driven, empty, little child............

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So true, insecure as f word. Ex said he was mean to me because he wanted to break my self esteem so I wouldn't leave him, because he couldn't keep me otherwise. Ugh. Ouch.,

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I started this topic because someone said insecure to me and I kept thinking no that doesn't fit. But now it fits and when I think of things that have gone on it all makes sense. so much need and ego stroking needed.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have a hard time believing that anyone who is secure in themselves would be able to mean to others. So to answer your question, yes. I believe those with verbally abusive behaviors react in unhealthy ways to protect themselves from their insecurities. Is that helpful?

I know they are the most selfish,self centered people on the planet these Narcissistic,Cluster B personality disordered, abusers but are they insecure?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't mean this in a mean way at all, and I totally get all the analysis we do on them but I'm at the place where I am like "who cares?". Who cares if they are insecure, they are sick f words irregardless of the cause or motive. There's no soloution, there's them and their malice.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes they are insecure. In a nutshell it has to do with a failed transition from dependent child to a "whole" individual.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0