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littlebear

The final slap in the face, he left me

11 posts in this topic

I was debating on and off of whether to finally get rid of this man who has dragged me through the gutter for the last two years. Well it got taken out my hands when he finished with me over the most ridiculous reason in my mind. I told his Dad he wasnt planning spending Xmas with us and that he wanted to go there and leave me and the boys well his dad told his sister and his sister told him I have been back stabbing him and he called me all angry and said its over I want my stuff etc etc.

I refused to let him have this control and take all his stuff while I stood there crying like I have in the past and dumped it all in his moms front Driveway.

I ended up calling him the wkend and begging him to come back to me Im so ashamed of myself . I cry all the time I miss him I hate myself for missing someone who was just so cruel to me.

He says its over and then sends me text messages with kisses on like hes playing games with me.

I joined a dating site to try and make me feel better take my mind off things someone he knew saw me and he called me in a rage. Im going no contact now would love to say it gets easier but its been two weeks and gets harder everyday him not being here.

He twisted everything onto me accused me of even flirting with his Dad , my brother in law anyone really.

I wish I could feel better and make this pain go away. I deleted the dating site after he told me I was humiliating myself and him being on there.

Will I get over this? I wish I had done something sooner and ended it myself because this has lowered my self wroth and sanity even more.

Help !

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I'm sorry you feel so bad.

Breaking-up is always hard, even with the abuser, or better - specially with abuser. But I'm glad he left.

You will feel all sort of emotions, sadness, loss, anger, humiliation, loneliness, numbness... and a lot of pain. There is no short cut, you'll have to push through it. Time is on your side. You will feel better eventually.

I strongly dis-advise you to date anytime soon. You are a magnet for abusers right now and you would only get hurt even more. Instead take the time, grieve, cry, go for walks, try to eat and sleep, take care of yourself and start doing little things you like. Turn to some friend or relative for a shoulder to cry on.

You will get over this!

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No I will not be dating mentally I cant do it even if I wanted too. This is so hard like a death to me and he is still cruel even now I think.

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I am so sorry littlebear. You need to trust that it will be better once you get over the jerk. He did you a favor by leaving. Don't let him back. Despite what he's doing now, I'm guessing he'll try to come back before long. Go to a lawyer and file. Do things with platonic friends. Get a massage. Do some meditation. Listen to music. Write. Go for a walk. Do what you want to do for a change. Go to a concert. An arboretum. Enjoy your life.

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Thankyou

Hes coming here tonight as he left something which is to heavy for me to move and put into the car. I want to see him so bad but also am dreading it too.

I know he does not want me when we have split before he always tries to get me back or texts me and stuff he hasn't this time. It does hurt its like a death to me :-(

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I am sorry you are feeling this, but I agree with the others - it is a good thing he left then you don't have to fight the feelings of guilt so many of us do when trying to figure out if you should leave or not. He really did you a favor in the long run. It is better to get rid of an abuser sooner rather than later... Even if it feels horrible and so hurtful. It is a loss process. Honor each step.

If you can, please have someone there when he is coming over. Someone that can help you stay "away" from him. I am just afraid of you being alone with him. With you in this state of mind he can do anything he want with you... and since you want him back on some level (his level), you might lose yourself even more by abiding by his rules and requests. Please consider having someone there.

hugs

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Well he came here last night he asked for sex too which I said no too. I asked him shall we get back together he said I dont know what I want . I know he isnt all that he treated me badly but I still miss him its like Im grieving everyday is a struggle . I might go and see a doctor I cant sleep and when I do I wake up in the night all the time having nightmares about him ;'(

Why am I so weak he was abusive now hes gone I should be glad but Im not I feel lost.

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I think we miss the man we thought we had rather than the one he really is. The loss of what you never really had is almost too hard to take. Your whole life was a pretense. It's a lot to take in.

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It's going to take time, Littlebear, but you will heal, I promise you. I hope you will resist the urge to try to get back with him. I believe you know that that would be bad for you. It doesn't really matter who left who, when the relationship was so bad for you. I know it's a slap in the face, but I'm sure it's the best thing for you. Hugs to you at this difficult time. Please try to be strong, and most importantly, safe from him--both physically and emotionally.

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"I know he isnt all that he treated me badly but I still miss him its like Im grieving everyday is a struggle . I might go and see a doctor I cant sleep and when I do I wake up in the night all the time having nightmares about him ;'(

Why am I so weak he was abusive now hes gone I should be glad but Im not I feel lost."

I just wanted to say you're not alone in having these feelings. For me, I think it's rooted in co-dependency and finding my identity in someone else. I'm just learning about it all..... but when you're enmeshed with someone, it's so painful because the relief of being apart from the abuse is clouded by the grief and loss of the very palpable death of the relationship and the identity attached.... so you're grieving for losing him but feeling like you're losing yourself too. You want desperately to be attached to someone who is loving and good to you. I am learning, I have to love myself in a healthy way before I ask someone else to...or I'm just going to keep repeating the same relationship disasters over and over. Be kind and generous and loving and caring to yourself. Give yourself permission to feel those emotions bubbling up, then give yourself permission to spend time delighting in something you love. Peace to you!

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Littlebear,

This will take time. The fact that you miss him when you are awake and have nightmares about him when you are sleeping is an interesting observation. To me, this is saying that just what everyone else have said - you are missing what could have been with a man, a partner, a loving friend and lover... He was never that person, he just dressed like it sometimes.

Your true feelings for him is getting processed while you are sleeping, I think. Your entire soul is afraid of him. You don't want him in your life deep down but on the surface it is a lot harder to see and feel that truth because of the physical loss you are experiencing right now.

It will take time, and please allow it to. Talking to someone could definitely help. Allow yourself time to greif this. Taking him back will not solve anything in the long run, but I think you know that already.

Hugs

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