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HanginOn

My Husband had me arrested

255 posts in this topic

Good News! Sounds like the marriage counselling helped. 

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Eidi16~

When were you arrested? In what state? Were the charges dropped?

Men who use law enforcement to have their wives arrested when there is no threat of danger do this because it will give them leverage in the event of divorce. Your husband knew very well what this type of criminal record would do to you. This is another form of abuse.

My X did the same to me. In fact, he had been trying to set it up for months. I was so humiliated from the experience I thought I would die. But when I learned of the set up I went into full blown panic attack. This was in January of 2000. I divorced him. I wanted nothing more to do with him. 

Tal

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HanginOn~

Are you still with your husband? 

I divorced my X in 2003. He died 2014. I was there to see him on his death bed. He had cancer and could not move other than to squeeze my hand to answer my questions in the affirmative or negative. He was completely paralyzed but was agonizingly aware. 

 

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Eidi16,

You'd think after a week of thinking about it, I would know what to say -- how to reply.  It's been almost 4 1/2 years now, for me.  And, yes, I'm doing really well now.  But I didn't get though it easily.. if you've read much of the 10 pages of this thread that would be very apparent.  It's been a long road - even after I stopped posting here. The two things that have helped me the most are TIME and more important -- my relationship with God.  He's gotten me thru this. Period.  Well, He's gotten me to where I am now, anyway.  Since I still have some PTSD I guess I'm not completely through it.  But it really is truely amazing where I am now.

And some of you are wondering... and the answer is, yes, I divorced my huband.  It took awhile though.  I've been single and free for a year and a half now.  Eidi16, I have no idea about what your husband is like.. if there has been other abuse - or on-going abuse from him.  Or what your relationship is like now.  So I'm not going to tell you you need to get away from him.. divorce him.  BUT, I will tell you that THAT is what I had to do.  I was dying in that situation.  The constant fear, not being able to even start to get better (the PTSD) until I was away from him.  And as far as you holding a grudge.. of course you do.  He has no idea the truely devestating effect what he did has had on you.  Yeah, him being reminded about what he did to you is unpleasent for him.. but if you are anything like me,  you probalby live with weekly, maybe even daily painful reminders.  It was a horrible horrible thing that your husband, the one whoose supossed to protect you, did to you.  So if you have a painful reminder.. are you supposed to protect him from unpleasentness and keep it to yourself???  If there is NO abuse from him in your realationship, I would say some good counseling (for both of you) is the only way you're going to get through this, marrage wise, and even so it's gonna be tough.  If your husband IS abusive.. forget the joint coulseling.  Marriage counseling with an abusive husband doesn't work and is asking for trouble.  And if that IS the case, your husband is abusing towards you, you need to seriosly consider getting out.  Circumstances may make that seem impossible - I know it did for me..  But you don't deserve to live like that.

So that's what I have to say, for what it's worth.  And I do want to say, again, because it's the one biggest factor in where I'm at now, that without God's help, I probably would have opted for taking the bottle of pills that I used to talk so much about.  If you want to talk more about that your welcome to personal-message me.  And, actually, I am going to have to un-link this thread to my email.  I can't handle having, at any time, the title of my thread "My husband had me arrested" appear on my phone.  It's a huge trigger.  And I don't want to come back to this thread on here, really.  But I you do want to talk about any of this some more, go ahead and personal-message me and I will come back and check it -- or maybe I can keep that link to my email, just not the thread (I'll have to check).  Good luck Eidi16.  I wish you the best.

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Hangin On this is the first I have heard that you divorced him. I am a christian woman and I had to divorce my Narcissistic EX. While it was a burn into my testimony of what I was trying to assemble for my life. My relationship with God and my continued effort to not let the Narcissistic wound take hold was my saving grace. I have improved greatly and while I can still feel the effects of the PTSD that took me 7 years to heal from. I keep sending reassuring statements about how lingering memories does not mean I am not healed from past events. I hit a block wall in my faith because my EX was etched into my baptism. I redid my baptism so I could have a point in time that he could not use gas-lighting to affect my faith testimony. This was pivotal in my healing. It was like my life was able to be mine personally with out him connected to my inner core. I am doing so much better. I can hear the importance of being a kind forgiving person in your responses. I am glad to also hear the honesty and truth that you are claiming buy owning what occurred. Healing has been an amazing experience for me. Going to the groceries store or taking care of my life piece by piece felt like the first time I had lived. Encountering Narcissist in this world and know I could have a different response because I am whole. They truly do try to damage your inner core. It is how the see themselves and how they see you. There is a lesson that these people missed and why they function and can communicate. They effects to create that warmth and enduring love is a goal not a known. It's funny I  use to have deep wrinkle starting to form in the middle of my forehead. Since I have left the Narcissist these wrinkles have dissipated. The daily frustration was even changing the way my face looked. Feel beautiful and thank you for catching us up. Please check in and help others escape these pains. I have learned how loving my god is? I too can make mistakes. My mistake was not understanding how important marring a spouse that had warm empathy in his nature. I really needed that warmth and because of what happened to my family I did not know what it looked like. I could give it but could not recognise this quality in people till after I learned of the coldness I lived with. I needed to stay in one place not move around. I needed to build and surround myself with like minded people not seek attention. It took leaving to heal. So I am grateful that while I make mistakes I can learn form them and know how beautiful I really am and can be. I am trying to find my new sense of shiny and my new ways of adding the rest will assemble itself.  I always say a truly abused women knows why you can not stay. They grasp it even when it goes against the very things they believe in. Why I like to help others find their way but each woman does have to carry her own cross. 

I knew one woman and tried to help her. Gave her all the books to read and even considerate acceptance and support. She kept falling into to wanting people to do it for her mindset. Then she would not take the knowledge of the experts in the books and psychologist. She took it in her own hands and only listened to her family. Why she loved her family they were not the experts and gave her very lineal advice. She was functioning to feel loved and did some bad mistakes that gave her narc a foot hold. Not just once but many times. Why she did learn more how to not be taken advantage of she did get stuck in the revenge trap. This affected her relationship with her kids. They wanted a mother that loved them. A soft place to land and ended up with a mother angry at them for going along with an occasional gas light. He transferred that pain successfully to his children. I tried and she is happier but she too is also responsible to minimise damage on her children. She did not claim the abuse only showed anger and denied therapy. The example I give is one that claims the PTSD and one that receives advice and healing from professionals. I have the love of my child. I care about my child's well being and have his love. It's a trick getting out but you also have to grow up. This lady missed the grow up phase.  It's is hard to grow when someone consistently tears you down. You sound happy and healthy. You have done well. This is why you find a lot of older single people. It just takes longer to know people we understand so much more. :-) 

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