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Drained

The insanity continues

63 posts in this topic

I told my sons when that stuff got old, grounding from cell phones due to behavior that dad bought, I reached my limit cause of the games, and said "they stay at your Dads house" So you might just say the IPOD is for Dads house and it needs to stay there, if you catch it again, its GONE.

I went through the clothing thing too, its a pain in the behind I know but not a lot you can do about it, they just know if they can upset you and get your attn, they keep at it.

I had to put it on my son to make sure his stuff was packed and to get it together, I let him pack for wknds, and yes I often didnt get socks back. Or clothing stayed there for long periods. So when i did laundry the week before a visit, I often put the best clothes away or somewhere son didnt see them, so they didnt get packed up to go.

Then I got emails I was dressing the kids in rags and blah blah blah, I just replied with "Your more then welcome to purchase clothing for our son also, I dont pack his bag, he packs it himself" somewhere around that point it finally stopped, the clothing emails. And I did tell my son about the email saying he was dressed in rags, to which he was puzzled. I kept a lot from my kids but sometimes it was so ridiculous and got so old.

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Son came home to me yesterday after being at his Dad's for the weekend & Mon overnite - and told me;

that his SB9 got mad at his SS15 and tackled her into the trash cans,

the SS15 went inside and told the SM (Bleezy is not there as he is working out of state!),

The SM reprimanded the SB, who then got angry with the SM, pushed her, then went to his room,

The SM went after him and while dragging him by the arm out of his room - was provoking her son by saying 'You wanna go? Do you wanna GO? - and so they went - right in front of Son.

The SB tackled his mother onto the ground, the SM got up and shoved him onto the couch, then sat on him.

He shoved her away and tackled her onto the ground again, got on top of her and they were going at it.

The SS15 then came and pulled the SB9 off of their mother and dragged him away as the SM laid on the floor in the middle of the living room crying.

Son asked SM if she was okay, if she needed help.

The SM later told Son that she was 'fake' crying - to get the SB9 off of her, and that she was okay.

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And as sick and crazy and horrifying as all that is, Drained, unfortunately you have no control over it. :( I'm sorry.

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I know. Just venting. I did contact Son's school councelor, asked her to speak with Son, she did, asked Son if he felt safe while at Dad's, he replied 'yeah, for the most part', and she went over safety strategies with him, and commented that he's doing most of these strategies already - as this type of incident happens all the time there (though this the first of the SB attacking his own mother). I also informed my attorney, as I had to email her on what happened next - after Son regailed me with this latest story.

I put off reading Bleezy's note in the Family Folder till later (a person can only take so much!) He sure has his panties in a bunch over the IPOD.

"DRAINED,

I KNOW WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT SON.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHY YOU ARE HOLDING ON TO SON'S IPOD.

I HAVE ASKED THAT YOU RETURN SON'S IPOD IN HIS BOOKBAG. THIS IS A 2ND REQUEST TO RETURN HIS IPOD ON FEB. 22. 2013. I AM NOT SURE IF HIS IPOD IS LOST OR YOU DECIDED NOT TO RETURN THIS IPOD TO MY HOUSE. THE IPOD HAS WARRENTY ISSUES. I NEED THE IPOD RETURNED. THE IPOD AND ALL ACCESSORIES RUN ABOUT $250 TO REPLACE.

I AM NOTIFYING YOU THAT I AM ADJUSTING THE PLACES THE I WILL BE USING OR DAYCARE FOR SON. I WILL BE ADDING THE BEFORE/AFTER CARE PROGRAM WITH (SON'S SCHOOL DIST) AT SUCH AND SUCH LOCATION.

BLEEZY'

[history:]

1-8-13 Bleezy "Please return Son's IPod on Friday 1-11-13"

1-11-13 Drained "As you already know, Son is grounded from his IPod again. As his parent - I have every right to ground him from his IPod while it is at my house. As you are also aware of - at the present time we cannot find his IPod....you told him that if I don't return his Ipod back o your house, that you were going to take me to court over it. Go for it Bleezy."

2-5-13 Bleezy "I have gotten no information from you as Son's mother about son's Ipod. When will Son's IPod be returned or replaced? The value of Son's IPod is approx. $250 whivh includes cases, accessories, and insurance coverage."

2-8-13 Drained; "Son is still grounded from his IPod. Son lost some recess time in school for calling girls 'lesbians'. Son got a warning on the bus for swearing."

2-12-13 Bleezy: "Thanks for finally communication with me on Son's IPod. Other people use this IPod at my house when Son is not at my house. Return Son's IPod on Feb. 15th, 2013 in his bookbag. I also need to take the IPod in for warranty."

So we go to trial this Tuesday - and in true Bleezy fashion - he demonstrates yet again that he will not honor the court orders regarding joint legal custody/major decisions/daycare to be agreed upon by both parents. (I confirmed with Son's school that Bleezy had already turned in a bus-change form). And he's doing this; so he can designate someone in his family to pick Son up on his days - while he is out of state working!! He's not even suppossed to be picking Son up from school - without givingme 24 hrs. notice (he circumvented that provision right-off - and gave me 24 hrs ntice for the remainder of the year 2010 - didn't even bother to gie me notice for 2012 or 2013, and promised he would give me 24 hrs notice if he was unable to pick Son us - to which he also has not honored). He is just so opposed to picking Son up from my house - becuase then he would have to be physcially present during his scheduled custody time - - this, from the man who has hauled me back into court for the 3rd time - stating he just wants more time with Son. Yeah, right. .

Notice that he doesn't even care what Son has done in school and on the bus. He just wants his IPod back.

Notice his statement that other's use his IPod when Son is not at his house. (hmmm.. why send it here then? Admitting it's wasn't really a gift for Son)

What the heck is he talking about needing to ake the IPod n for warranty? Has anyone ever heard of such a thing?

Well - we knew it was going to be this way...after the underwear fiasco. We knew they would move on to something else. In addition to the IPod conflict - they are also sending Son in size 10 jeans - after that whole round of son wears size medium undies and size 12 jeans. If it's not one thing it will be another. And oh how he loves to pull up to my house late - cuz he hates having to come himself to pick Son up.

Wish me luck come Tuesday please! Never been to trial before, no idea how to prepare/what to expect.

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I agree with everyone, Drain, that you have the right to ground your son from the Ipod. I do have a quick question, though. Am I right in remembering that he is 7 or 8 years old? If I am, I think that perhaps 7 days in a row of following the house rules, might be a bit long for a child of that age. Not that he shouldn't be expected to follow the house rules, but in the context of earning back privileges I wonder if the frustration of having to mind his "Ps and Qs" for so long (7 days in the mind of a child is an eternity), might be contributing to his inability to reach the goal of 7 days...a vicious cycle.

I remember having a similar set up with my son and not being able to understand why he couldn't just follow the rules for what seemed like to me, a very short time. But then a child psychologist I worked with suggested that my bar might be set slightly high. So I went home and I told my son that I had been thinking about what is fair, and that I thought that fair would be "X days of following house rules" and then he could earn back his privilege.

Just my .02 worth!

Grabby

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Son is turning 11 in a month. He is grounded from Ipod and video games untill he can go 7 days straight without disrespecting me, talking back to me, slamming doors in my face, not calling me names, and not lying - to name the worst offenses. I've been thru the gammut of diciplining procedures with him on following the house rules - it's come down to zero tolerance. He comes back from his Dad's house - and is a changed child. It's been going on for so long, and was getting worse - I had to put my foot down. He also would act up on Thursdays before goingt o his Dad's - and I would hand him his IPod the next a.m. I'd ground him from video games here - and his Dad buys him new games there. I got the idea of grounding until he shows proper behavior from The Empowering Parents Program. He's been testing it. He made it once to day 7 - then bold faced lied to me about doing his chores. Sometimes I think he likes being grounded from these things - and he even admitted that he's realized there is more to life than playing video games. We play basketball together, do things together, and he goes to Dad's w/o his IPod - and no one wants to play with him becuase they're all too busy on their IPods. At school, if he get's into trouble - he loses his recess for a week - so I don't think going 7 days at home with following house rules is setting the bar too high for an 11 year old that has been struggeling with the house rules for so long now.

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For trial: Stick to facts, forget the 'small stuff' like underwear and clothes and his harrassment of you - not relevant.

Focus on getting your say on violence in Bleezy's home, Bleezy's lack of time spent with son and son being the 'meat in the sandwich' between his parents. DONT go into details unless asked about the last one (it's pretty standard and they don't need to hear the details) Focus on violence and lack of interest in time with child. You may want to try Grabby's trick of outlining the way Bleeze pretends to be concerned father to anyone in authority but is the polar opposite in everyday dealings with son.

Just my .02c worth.

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Hi Drained,

OK, for an 11 year old, I see your point! For some reason I thought he was younger. I am sorry you are going through this. It is so difficult co-parenting with a personality disordered individual. It sounds like the "Empowered Parent" program is similar to "Love and Logic" - a program I swear by.

Grabby

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Hi everyone. I haven't been here in a while.

I filed back in Aug. for a child support re-evaluation, he countered with a motion for full custody, claiming he wants more time with our now 10 year son. This will be our 3rd custody battle. 1st court date was in Oct. - he didn't come prepared, didn't file his financials, didn't have a prepared parenting plan - his attrny told the judge he just wants to tweek a few things. Jusge gave him 1 month to produce financials and his tweeks. Back to court in Nov - he still didn't file his financials nor parenting plan. Judge gave him another warning, told him to file them by Jan. 20th or else he MAY have to pay my attrny fees. Trial set for Feb.

In Sept. Son informed me after being at his Dad's for the weekend, that Bleezy wasn't even there - he went out of state to play in a softball tournament for 3 days. In Dec. son came home after his Da'ds weekend and told me he spent the entire weekend at (try to follow this...) his stepmother's ex-husbands house, from Friday night till Monday a.m. - whereas the the SM's ex0husband woke Son (and his three kids) at 4 a.m. - to drive them back to Bleezy's house, so they could get a lil sleep before they all had to get up and go to school that very a.m.

Bleezy and the SM still kept laying out size small underwear for Son, I reached a breaking point and wrote Bleezy a note stating both Son and I are confused as to why they keep sending him to me in his stepbrother's size small underwear, that Son told me that he had asked Bleezy to buy him his own underwear to wear while there, and was what Son told me true....

In true Bleezy fashion, he responded that they have plenty of size medium underwear there for Son (I know, they kept 9 pairs of mediums from here as they kept sending him in smalls if any of you recall), that it was Son who was switching out the mediums for his stepbrother's size smalls, and that the pair they keep sending him to me in, the pair I wrote the SB's initials on the back - wasn't even the SB's - it was the stepbrother's-bestfriend's underwear (seriously????) and even wrote to me "Thanks for ruining them." Oh, ok - I ruined my son's stepbrother's best friends underwear by writing the SB's initials on the back tag. It was back in July that I stopped sending son in clothes I bought him, and only sent himin clothes that came from Bleezy's. Bleezy went off on my in his reply note on how dare I say anything about son's underwear - when I send Son in jeans with the knees torn out. (Uh, excuse me, but that's the pair that came from your house - and FURTHERMORE - the very pair of jeans he put Son in on that day that he sent Son back to me AS WELL had a tear in the kneee.)

Gues what Son got for Christmas at Bleezy's? New size medium underwear, that they put a black marker dot on the label. So I guess a dot in not ruining them - it's just the a letter, huh.

On Dec. 3rd, Bleezy came to pick up Son, Son got into his burbside car, Bleezy asked Son 'Where's your IPod?', Son informed Bleezy that he didn't have it with him - becuase I grounded him from it. Bleezy went bolistic - sent Son back into my house to get it - Son said Bleezy was furious - said 'He wants HIS IPod, that HE bought it - and he wants it back!.' I said to son - Sorry. I wrote Bleezy a note - quoting the parenting plan about not using Son as a messenger, reminding him of all the mediaotrs, councilors and Son's own therapist telling Bleezy to stop going through Son with issues he has with me, to stop using Son as a messenger - and advised him that they next time he does it - I will file contempt of court charges.

Son was returned to me wearing yet another billboard t-shirt, this one stating "I Will Win."

I grounded Son again from his Ipod after that for more bad behavior/disrespecting me, and now I can't honestly find his IPod, nor one of Son's shoes (that Bleezy bought him). Not intentional I tell ya. Anywho - Bleezy told Son that if I don't return HIS IPod back to HIS house - that he will take me back to court over it.

I emailed my attrny today, asking how do I go about filing contempt of court charges.

Son informs me that his SB - has actually tried to run away from home (Bleezy's house) TWICE now.

Every gift Bleezy and the SM give to the kids - are all to be shared - nothing is 'their own.' They gave the SB a footbal, SB didn't want to have to share it with the other siblings and all the babysitting kids the SM watches - so he took it to his Dad's. Bleezy and the SM made SB bring it back.

My house was on the market for a year, it finally sold for less than what I boughtit for, there wern't enough proceeds to purchase a new place, had 30 days to move - found a rental house and had to pay a years worth of rent upfront as I am now earning less than minimum wage. Am still working part time at Son's school cafeteria - then run home to work at my crippled home base business that used to bring in $100K a year, then when Son comes home I put on the Mom hat and have to spend at least 2 days de-programming Son after being at his Dad's. It's getting worse it seems - he's so combative, argumentative, and disrespectful towards me when he comes home from Bleezy's - but then in a day or two of my remaining firm and consistent with house rules - I see my angel again. Just in time to send him back to his Dad's.

The stress - is pallitable. For the majority of the time - I am living from hour to hour, at best day by day. And it's been this way for years now I realized. It sickens me how these vindictive power hungry control freaks can destroy our lives - our children - everything we hold dear to us - and the courts just let them.

I know this was posted a while ago...but wanted to respond to the part about deprogramming your son. My son went through the same thing...was disrespectful, mean, so angry...all the time...finally he'd be a little better and then back off to his dad's...and it took me almost a year after my son decided not to go back to his dads again...to try and get him to not be angry constantly...he'd walk through the apartment like a live wire ready to explode at everything. i had to as you say deprogram. It took everything out of me...always cleaning up the mess that his abusive dad made. Today my son is 20...he still has anger issues....but is so much better than he was. He hasn't been with his dad for at least two years...but I think longer...when my son decided to live with me 100%...it was a gradual transition. I put up with a lot of disrespect...cried a lot of tears...had so much frustration and worry...my son was out of control during high school years. I suffered in my heart so much because I loved and love my son so entirely. He was on a downward spiral. My son did go back to visit his dog now and again...spent little bits of time with his dad...then one day...my son just decided he wasn't going to go so much anymore. It was the best decision he ever made. He hardly ever talks to his dad...but does go to his dad's family events and even that he is starting to question going. My son needs a dad...but his dad is not the dad he needs.

I will hope the best outcome for you and your son. Don't give up...it is tiring and sometimes you feel so "drained..." wiped out like you can't do anymore..but you can. I think because of me...my son is a better person...but still has the flaws of his father...I am concerned about my son treating a woman with disrespect..so I am still (at his age 20) trying to work on that with him...get it out of his ways...and help him to over come...maybe impossible...but I have faith in God to restore him.

Take care...my heart goes out to you deeply.

Tenderheart

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Thank you all for your support, encouragement and words of wisdom!!!!!!!!!!!!

The trial was yesterday, it took 6 hours and it is over. The Judge will decide on all issues covered and advise in 6-8 weeks.

I did way better than I thought I would. Even my attrny commented that I did great. She ROCKED in my opinion.

I saw Bleezy's face turn beet red a few times while he was on the stand being cross examined by her - and I had forgotten how many times I had seen his face like that, with his hands in fists and white knuckled - I had forgotten how terrorfying he is when he gets mad - till I saw him turn beet red yesterday. My attorny busted him a a few lies, and he was none too happy. He squirmed.

And he brought his entourage - his wife, his sister and his brother. He and his wife walked in holding hands and giggeling. The laughed and giggled in the benches. Itt took 2 hours before the trial actually started, and the judge gave us one last chance to settle before beginning. And even though Bleezy already knew from his attorney that the judge had already stated that he would not be awarded his request for claiming Son on HIS taxes every year - the mule of a Bleez said he wouldn't settle for anything less that claiming Son as a tax deduction - so began the trial - but first; the Judge ordered Bleezy's entourage out of the court room. Bleezy and his minions were NONE to pleased about that - they were very upset about it - and at each break - they reentered the courtroom and protested to Bleezy's attorney, who could only say - I can't do anything about it - the Judge is the one who ordered it. I wonder if my attorney had something to do with this, though I do not know. Either way - I am extremely grateful.

The underwear issue DID come up - and I handled it beautifully and the timing was perfect. I had just finished explaining all I had done to survive financially after the last court battle and the demise of my business, loss of home, working two jobs - and Bleezy's attorney asked me about the clothing issues. In one sentence - I explained that for one example - I sent Son in size mediums, 9 times they returned him in smalls - 9 times - and the small underwear was uncomfortable for son, and uncomfortable on my finances. His attorny tried to cut me off during my answer - and redirect my testimony onto the next item, but I got the sentence out.

They brought up the IPod - and I think I buried them on that. Steve lied in his tesstimony that I had not communicated with him about the IPod (a beet red moment), and my firm statement that I have the right to ground Son from HIS Ipod left them in silence.

Another beet red Bleezy moment - being so busted on don't we have joint legal custody? Than why did you sign Son up for before and afterschool daycare without even discussing it with Drained? And you did so - based on your proposed changes in custody - before we came to trial??? Do you understand the provision of joint legal custody?

He looked likea thermomenter in the desert.

His finst moment - was when he testified that the way he calculated (in an exhibit filed with the court) the cost of health insurance for Son was by adding 5 different #s on his paystub, and divising that total by 3 children, to equate to the cost for our Son. The Judge and my attorney were simultaneously commenting that he can't include 2 of the #s as they were not even related to health insurance!!!! and then my attrny went on for the kill. How many people are on this insurance plan? He said 3. She asked who was on it - he named the 5 kids. She then asked if he and his wife were also on the plan - he said yes. Well then Mr. Bleezy - if we go by your calculations, than that would be divided by SEVEN - not 3, and it not to include 2 of the figurd that arn't even related to health insurance - correct? He looked like he was severaly sun burned. "I guess so...." he replied.

BAM. Oh SNAP.

His attrny played a confusion game over #s in my tax returns, and my attrny was able to figure out the answers while I was answering that I do not know why one set of #s on one page, are different than #s on a latter page. All of the attrny's high eyebrows and scoffing and zeroing in on me backfired, when my attrny cross examinded me and asked me to add such and sich from this and that line - which then made perfect sense to us non-CPA's.

The judge himself busted Bleezy on the vacation schedule provision - the 6 weeks of summer loop hole Bleezy has been holding over my head and causing great angst and several mediation meetings for the past 3 years is now finally finaly over - and Bleezy has been clarified by the judge on Bleezy's twistification.

On the desinee of who can come to my house to pick Son up topic - Bleezy rattled off 5 names of who he wishes to designate! - AND (get this) - included his 15 year old stepdaughter. What a bloomin idiot savant.

All for now - gotta go to job#2....

So now - we wait. My attrny feels I will get the largest increase in child support, and attorney's fees

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This is good! Narc's cost more money than they are worth....

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SO pleased for this validation for you after all you have had to go through with this pain in the !#*%.

Good luck in the outcome. Be aware the judge will probably give the 'losing' party 'something' to ease his pain!! LOL.

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Yes, this sounds very encouraging! Hopefully things will finally get wrapped up and this chapter of your live can be OVER!!!! But just keep your focus on what you need to do to take good care of you and your son and things will work out. (But still... I can't help but feel a little excitement for you that the karma bus is going to be coming your ex's way! :P )

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