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Found 6 results

  1. My husband wanted me to be intimate with him and I said no, but gave in so he would shut up and life would go back to what it was. Afterwards I was angry at myself because I don't want to be intimate with him and I started being depressed and having a bad attitude about life. I got up after sleeping as much as I wanted, then he came home from work and wanted to talk about work. Here lately, I want to tell him that I don't want to hear about his job, he goes on and on for about an hour and I am trying to have my own life and I recent him for talking so much about his job while I am unhappy about our relationship and life. He was really getting on my nerves so I told him I was going to bed. I am getting to where with him and other people, I am tired of putting up with things that really bother me. If I divorce him and we split everything, It will only last so long and then I will have to get financial help since I am on disability and don't get much money. I am afraid if I do divorce and change my mind, because of the money or life isn't as good as I thought without him, then I won't have any savings and he won't either. I have thought about making an agreement with him and a lawyer that he could keep everything except my car, and some cash, as long as he lets me have everything if he dies first. I feel bad about this because I don't want to take advantage of the government or other people that might help me because I let him keep most of our assets. I worry about my granddaughter too, she has always known this home and I worry it would bother her to at least not to see her grandfather in the same place. Advice appreciated.
  2. I start thinking things are better in my marriage until he ask me, "Why don't you mop the floor?" "Why don't you clean my bathroom?" I am also asking myself, "Why am I not doing the dishes?" I know I am responsible for some of the housework because I use it and I live here. Then I remember why and I realize I only thought things were better. Even though he is trying and being nicer than he usually would, he still is being abusive, maybe not even intentionally, it's just how he is. He talks about himself and what is going on at work and other things that he knows about, the television programs, people and life. I don't even want to hear him talk very much. He is so consumed with his life but doesn't care about my dreams. What about my life? I could say, but why? He has told me in the past in different ways that I am not his equal, he doesn't think my dreams are important, and that he doesn't want to support me in who I am or want to be. He doesn't want me to have a say so in appliances we purchase or things we do to repair the house. He is jealous of me, he use to be competitive with me and maybe still is. He may just be hiding it now. He seems to be pretty satisfied when things are going his way and seems to think I should too.
  3. My husband is being nice again, of course it helps that I haven't seem him as much. I am asking myself again, "Is his abuse that bad?" I am going to call a domestic violence center tomorrow and see if they can help me and how. I am feeling guilty about doing this because as far as I know, he doesn't have a clue that I am considering separating and maybe divorcing him. I keep thinking, maybe he is not that bad, he has some good things about him. He seems to care about me in certain ways. I am feeling afraid I will regret my decision. I am still going to call the DMVS. Today my daughter was upset about something and she started talking real loud or yelling at my husband when he tried to give her advise. He walked away and told me that she acts like he can't hear her when she starts yelling. I told him it wasn't that, it was that she was trying to control him and shut him up by talking louder. He really didn't seem to understand this, even though he has done this to me many times. It seems to me that he knows it works, even if he doesn't know why he does it. He can see other people do some of the things he does and doesn't get that he does things that are similar, maybe not always as bad, but similar. Today he also said a guy got angry at him and he didn't know it until he sped up and blocked him from a lane and then followed him. My husband has told me how he has gotten angry at drivers because he thinks they are doing things on purpose, which maybe they are, I don't know. I wonder if they are all aware of what they are doing or if they are doing it to purposely not let him around or to slow him down. The only people that I have that are supporting me to leave this relationship are the ones on this site. I have a sister who listens to me, and has been through abuse, but doesn't want to encourage me to leave. I have a friend that understands, but she doesn't want to encourage me either way. I can understand, but it still bothers me. I am feeling kind of alone and sad except for your help. Thank you
  4. So he has been being so very nice these last 2 months. Ever since the last fight where I called him out on pushing me into certain physical things and how I have no friends. The last fight was supposed to be the end but we fell back into routine. I was lonely and he was there to hug me and say "it'll be ok" and I'm weak and it was familiar. But he made sure no one else was there a long time ago. Because it was so long ago he can't be blamed anymore. He made me feel like I shouldn't need privacy on the phone so I had all conversations in front of him and now it's my fault that I do that and that I don't call people because I don't want to have conversations around him. So now I'm doubting myself. He has been nice and supportive and let me have time to read by myself. Which shouldn't be that big a deal right? He hasn't yelled or started any fights although about a month ago he asked about some "new" guy on facebook (It was a friend from highschool that changed his profile name and picture). But mostly he's been on his best behavior not asking why i don't answer emails right away, not getting upset if I'm late to break, not accusing me of anything if I'm late getting home because of traffic. Should I be grateful for all of this? Shouldn't it go without saying? And does it fix all the damage done previously? So now he's accusing me of having someone else. Here's his proof (excerpt from an email): ". And the reason why I know there is someone else you’re interested in is 1) this indecision is the same thing you had when we first started dating which is why I almost left you in the beginning and 2) this is typical guy crap, some dude finds some other chick but said chick won’t do anything while guy has girlfriend at home. So said guy starts creating a bunch of crap to blame his girlfriend for i.e. “you don’t spend any time with me” , “ you’re around too much”, “ you pay no attention to me so I’m not happy”, “You pay too much attention to me I’m not happy”, “you won’t sleep with me”, “I don’t like sleeping with you”, and so on and so on. Basically said guy creates a situation where his girlfriend always loses no matter what she does. Then finally the girlfriend gets tired of it and goes, which is of course her fault and new girl gets guy. " He's accusing me of acting like a guy trying to ditch a girlfriend for someone new. I'm finally reaching out to family to tell them the truth. I've been given 3 days to leave my home because the rent is late again because I'm the only one who tries to pay attention to bills. Because everything in his mind can be put off to the next paycheck. I'm tired and I'm scared and I know things can be better once I get out but I have no idea what to do. I have never kicked him out because I feel bad leaving him with nowhere to go but it just gives him the chance to bully me. I know I chose to end this and I will help him any way I can to find somewhere new to go but he will keep being cruel until he decides to be nice and win me over or maybe now that i'm talking to family about it he'll lose his mind and tell everyone who will listen that I have no good reason to leave him. Except that I don't love him anymore.
  5. I watched the Spartan guy talk about how we both are codependents in a abusive/codependent relationship. It seems that my husband wanted certain things of me and me of him. I wanted someone to shelter me from the bad people and things in life. I wanted to help others and never realized that could become a problem for me. I found myself giving or helping others too much for my good and for theirs. Even though I wanted to be strong, I wasn't as strong as I acted. Just as the abuser I couldn't hide it all of the time. Anyway, I don't know if we were both victims of other people that encouraged us to be this way or not. So, in this relationship with my husband I feel as though I am the one that is getting hurt the most. Please, tell me how you feel about this. I am tired of putting up with his abuse and I hope I would be strong enough to take up for myself and to take care of myself. I am not young and this is embarrassing to say that I'm not sure and I'm scared. I feel like a teenager when I think of this. I only lived by myself for a short while, so I don't have much experience of living by myself. Sometimes I feel confident, but today I am doubting. I haven't decided if I want to separate while I wait to see if he is going to change. As I mentioned before, he is going to a counselor that has training for abusive circumstances. I don't want to keep getting hurt and I don't know if or how long it will take for him to treat me better. I don't know how long it will take me before I can trust him and want to live with him. I don't want to be around him that much anymore, because I fear he will get angry about something or that he will want sex. I am not as physically afraid of him now, but I still don't like him getting angry at me. I am not perfect and I fear when I make a mistake or disagree with him that he will get angry. I have been staying away from him a lot because of his anger and because of the thoughts he said he had last time when he got angry with me.
  6. About five minutes after I got up today my husband started griping and his body became tense and rigid. It was like I have said before, he seemed like a different person. It was as if I could see the anger that had just arisen up and came out of him. I had done some things previously to make him angry. I agree, I was at fault and wondering if and how long it might be before he got angry at me. I knew he had plans to do a dangerous job and wanted me around. I had other plans and didn't want to be around. I am and was still angry at him for how he has treated me in the past, so I am not as sympathetic to him anymore. I was hoping he would be safe and thought it's his choice if he decides to do the job while I'm gone. I didn't want to talk to him about it because I was afraid he would change my mind and I would stay instead of doing what I wanted to. It was to repair our home which was for both of us, but I have gotten where I just want my way and don't want to give in because I am angry at him and I'm tired of sacrificing for him. He could wait until I returned. Maybe, I should have cared about him getting it done sooner, but I didn't. Since recently after him hurting my feelings again, I have very little desire to do very much to our home. I am so tired of feeling discouraged by him. I have told him that it is important to me how our house looks. He will finally agree to let me buy something, then he changes his mind or just says no we don't need it. It doesn't matter what I think unless I gripe and complain. I am so tired of him putting cold water on my dreams. He doesn't seem to value that much what I want. We built a porch and he was upset with me about spending the money until he decided he liked it. I'm just so tired of trying.