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Found 3 results

  1. I know that my husband and I are not good as a couple. He belittles the kids and I, he is controlling and manipulative, he has anger issues. We have established that we need to divorce. Yet, if I divorce him, I risk the kids being alone with him and not having me to buffer his anger and I will not be there for the kids (ages 9 &10) when he acts up. I cannot risk loosing my kids. I quit my career to stay home, raise the kids and to allow him to take his career to next level. I now have no money, I'm trying to rebuild my real estate career in a new area & although we are trying to do this as friends, he just told me he doesn't want to pay for anything for me and that I should pay 1/2 the rent which is $2600 total. I was making considerably more $ than he when we married. I got him the job he gas today (litterally-I made a resume for him, sent it out, etc). We are living together as "friends" & he still emotionally abuses me, but what are my options if I don't have a solid income yet and why does it hurt soooo much to acknowledge the 13 yr old marriage is over when I know it's wrong to stay? Pls help. Thank you, I am really hurting and confused from all of his mental games and I don't trust my own judgement now.
  2. I am new to forums. I'm not eighteen, but I don't feel like because of that I shouldn't be able to ask for help. I thought under certain circumstances I'm in, doing this may be helpful to myself. I'm sixteen years old. I know that some people will think that my issues are solely based on my adolescence. But please hear me out. I need to know if this is normal. I need to know what to do, these issues are driving me crazy. Let me start off saying I do not live with my parents. I was likely conceived in the back of a car. I from a early age did not realize what issues were going on in my household. My parents were not responsible, leaving me to take care of my younger siblings from the earliest age of five. They would go "grocery shopping" all day. I don't know any markets you come home drunk from. No groceries were ever brought home, I may add. Their drug and alcohol abuse got so bad they sold most of everything in the house, including my room's furniture. The only income was from my father fixing the neighbor's things. Such as cars, dirt bikes, lawn mowers, etc. It was not enough to pay bills and support the family with their "habits." Most things like food were provided my the church my parents belonged to. Honestly, they only went to church a couple times a year so they could.. Take advantage of it. Most of the time our utilities and etc. were shut off. I remember having to take showers at my neighbors houses or using candles to light the house. The majority of the time my parents were drunk. They're nice people, just not when they're under the influence. My younger brother got most of that physical abuse. He formed a attachment disorder. A complex against women. Not to mention his ADHD. He was pretty traumatized through the whole ordeal. When things really went downhill, my parents and I went "camping." That's what they told me. I soon realized we were living in a tent. That is when social services came in and my brother I were removed. Now a new adventure. I've been living with my grandparents for a while. When I got here, I was shocked. My little sister (four years younger than me) had everything she could ever want. This was the first time I had seen her since she was an infant. My parents were drunk, my brother, sister, and I were in the car outside of a bar. They tried to sell her and she was removed from my parents care. At first I did not get along with the little brat. Although we are on pretty good terms now. I was jealous. Why did she get everything I didn't? This is now irrelevant to me, I've completely let it go. What my problem is, my grandparents. No matter what I do, I never quite hit the mark. I don't know how to win their approval. I know I should be thankful of all the good things I have now, but it's hard sometimes. It doesn't get physical most of the time, but should I put up with this? I know I am not the grandchild they would like, and I am not what they imagined I'd be. They make it quite clear by the favouritism they shower on my sister. They do not like the way I dress or act. Do not get me wrong, I do not dress skimpy. It has more to do with my style and the fact its not from the 60's or covered in glitter and flowers (my sister). My hair is "weird" to them. I know it makes me look adnormal I suppose. However I'm young and want to have fun with it. So what if my hair has a little color? I do not party, sneak out with boys, or whatever teenagers do. I don't smoke anything, whether that be drugs or cigarettes. In fact, I don't use drugs or alcohol at all. This year was rough for me academically. I usually have all a's. However, my new school and its system is quite corrupt. I do not mean to blame everything on the school, but in my defense... We aren't even accredited. It's disappointing. I worked so hard for little credit. My sister is almost failing every year, and somehow I'm the disappointment. I'm called a disgrace, a bitc-(you know), dissapointment, I'm told I make them sick. I'm told they're embarrassed to be seen with me because of the way I look. I'm told I'm no good. I'm told no man will ever love me because of my makeup and how I dress. I'm told I look s****. I'm told I'm ungrateful. Selfish. Just like my parents. I'm what's going to kill them. I'm told I need to be a role model, what I'm doing is embarrassing. That I'm too fat. I'm 5'1, 130 pounds. I've been so cut down that I can't take off my jacket. I'm so scared of showing people how I feel or look. I cover my face all the time. I have tried countless times to talk to my grandparents. I have tried when upset, calmly, under supervision of a counselor, with other family members, or family friends. Nothing works. It works for a day. Until I do something to make everyone mad again. I know I do not help around the house as much as I could, but how am I supposed to? I try to initiate something. "Hey grandma, do you need my help?" She'll say no, then later complain I do not do anything. If I do help with something, I do it wrong (evidently). I get yelled at. Go to my room. Then I'm judged for that as well. I know I am no perfect. I make plenty of mistakes, but this isn't the way to handle them... I don't think? Truthfully the last couple years has been hard on me. My brother was removed from my grandparents care after my sister came forward he molested her. This broke my heart. I was the big sister. I am supposed to protect my siblings and I failed. I blame myself tremendously for that. I'm not sure if my grandparents blame me as well, but I'm so guilty. I don't know what to do. I want to get an education and get he hell out of here. I can't do that if I leave early. Unless I find a friend to help support me. A lot of my friends are going to college, getting apartments, and so on. I know I cannot do this legally, but my grandparents would have little objection. The only reason I cannot leave now is solely I do not have anywhere to go. However I do not know how long I can deal with all this. Am I overreacting? Sometimes I feel like this is all in my head. My grandparents make me feel crazy for feeling this way. I was diagnosed with depression, but I stopped taking my pills because my grandparents made me feel like a nut when I was on them. I do not know what to do. I'm tired of feeling like a wasted space, a big walking mistake. My grandparents have always been like this, even when raising my father and his siblings. But is that any excuse? Can somebody please give me some advice? It would be greatly appreciated. Sorry for ranting so much. I just wanted everyone to know most of my situation. I also apologize for any grammatical errors. Thank you so much for reading. I am grateful.
  3. Well i dont really know where to start, maybe where this all started. I am a 23 year old with a beautiful 1 year old little boy and a partner that obviosly doesnt have a care in the world for me, but i think this started well before this. When i was a little girl, i had which my parents thought a happy and save childhood, which they where wrong! Between the ages of 4 through to 7 i had a best friend who lived next door, who also had an older, perverted brother. Throughout the time i lived next to these people i was molested . I was too young and scared by the threats of this older boy that i never told anyone. Magically when i was 8 my family moved which then got me away from that nightmare! Starting in a new town, what happened to me never really was thought of until the day when i was 13 my mum got a phone call from my old best friend (with the perverted brother) telling my mum of the things that had happened to us my mum asked me and i was to scared to talk or admit what happened so i lied and said "No, that never happened." Bringing up old memories and going through teenage years i was depressed to the stage where i slit my wrist. (The proper way, not the way just for attention). My mum came into my room seen i was bleeding and took me to the hosptial. Then everything came out, police came for me to make a statement about what happened when i was a child. I was then taken to this room in a secret area with cameras and tape devices and was asked what happened in fuller detail. After this interview i was told nothing could be done because i couldnt remember what clothes i was wearing (when i was 4 years old) what a joke! Nevermind that i went to counselling and that was soon forgotten, until my parents spilt because of the "pressure" i was putting on the family, but it wasnt as easy as that! My dad come home drunk one evening and cause a fight with my mum. I told him to leave her alone and he started calling me horrible things, things you can even imagine!! He held my against he wall by my throat and my brother came and got him off me!! Then he through all my stuff down the stairs at the front of our house and told me to get out. (I was only 14 at this time.) My mum left too and basically dumped me on my boyfriend at the times door and told me she will go stay with my aunty until she can save enough money to get us a place. Years wen on, mum got us a house, i left school in year 9 ( I was top of my class, but think that i just couldnt handle everything that was happening to me). When i turned 18 I had a good job earning good money so i went out and got a car on finance, was really happy at this time. My boyfriend and I broke up and I moved into my own place. Then i met this guy...... Yes, this is now where it all begins. I met him through facebook he kept annoying me to meet him so one day i gave in, and he basically never left my house. In the first 6 months he used to take my car where ever he wanted, used to bring his friends to crash at my place, eat all my food and drink my fridge dry! He used to have numerous girls numbers in his phone. I dont know how this ever happened in the first place he basically just used me for what i had, must of been the "love" thing i had for him. But one day i had enough! I told him to leave, pack your stuff now and get out! He didnt go, he actually change a little. He got rid of the girls numbers, he stopped going out everynight but then he became very violent. He was taking drugs and steriods which i believe caused him to hit me. I was so depressed i lost my job, had no savings left and was behind on my car payments. He encouraged me to move into his parents, which i did. Then his attitude got worse. He started going out more, speaking to me like a piece of crap and controlling me. Then i fell pregnant and couldnt take it anymore so i moved to my mums. He didnt like that idea so he pushed me over, kicked me and put me in the car heading towards bushland, i threated for my life so i jumped out of the moving car and started running. I called the police and he was arrested. By an AVO he was not allowed to contact me. When he got out the first thing he did was came to my mums, was crying and sorry I couldnt handle this so i packed my bags and went out of state for a month. I changed my number so he started emailing me. Begging me to come back, so I did. 6 months pregnant i moved in with my cousin who promised she would help me as i had no other friends or family. A week later i had my pregancy scan to find out my babies gender, i invited my ex as i thought it was the right thing to do, my cousin found out i invited him and kicked me out!! The father of my unborn child asked me to talk, he sat down and invited me to stay at his parents house, as i had no where to go, i went. Times where pretty good, for the last few months of my pregancy, i got a scholarship in nursing which i attended until i had my son but as soon as my son was born , my partner did not help with anything which ended in me losing my scholarship as i could not attend. Then he got better again, I am now in my own place with my son and his father, my problem now is his father ignores me, he never talks to me but when he does its just horrible words. He earns fantastic money which he spends on himself and has a really bad gambling habit. I get help through the government which goes all on my son, im just so confused, i cant do this anymore. The only person holding me still to be here is my son who i love so much. At least before when he used to be bad he used to apologize now he dont even do that! Its always all my fault!! I get up at 4am to make his breakfast and lunch when he comes home he has beautifully cooked dinner, he get sex when he wants it ( 9 times out of 10 i dont want to) but i do it to make him happy. I get NO apriciation for anything i do!! My goal in life is to attend uni next year so i can make a happy healthy and finacially stable home for my son, I just need to find the strength to do it myself. I need to find the strenght to leave him because he wants full controll of my life and he doesnt want me to succeed in anything i do. why doesnt my partner just leave, he sees me cry every night and never askeds whats wrong, He speaks to me like a piece of crap, everything always comes before me, he spends all his money on himself and never gives always takes. I am pleading for help and advice, i want him to go but just dont know how strong i can be because all i have is myself and my son, i have no friends or family for support, please help i dont want to be unhappy anymore!! When is it my turn to be happy?????